Mydad used to call me 'fat podge', as a little pet name. Can't remember how old i was but i as little. I remember that all these years later so it must have made me feel self conscious as I was growing up. He didn't mean anything by it, it was just a pet name. It didn't upset me at the time as I was little but the fact that I remember it now shows that it affected me in some way, negatively. I look back and wonder if I was fat, to be honest I still look at myself and question my weight and appearance but I am old enough now not to bother so much as when I was younger.
Could the issue be more that society tells girls/women that we have to be 'thin' and 'light' to be beautiful, rather than those closest to us? But in us saying things like 'big girl' it's reinforcing this attitude?
I have to admit that I can see myself lifting my little girl up and saying 'you're heavy', but I don't think I'd use the word big. I think the word heavy is a statement of fact. You could lift up and bag and say that's heavy. It's not a bad thing, it's a fact.
The word big however, I think is different. I can understand that a little girl who, if repeatedly told she is big, will become self conscious of her size. This is because sadly, the society we live in generally sees 'big' not to mean 'tall' and the word 'big' for a female is not complimentary. For example I would be upset if someone called me a 'big' lady. In fact someone did call me 'well developed' a few weeks ago, I don't consider myself to be overweight however I gave birth 6 mths ago and am carrying a bit of baby weight still. I am a size 12. I did take offence and thougt the person was rude. I came home and cried, partly due to lack of sleep with lo but also because I felt ugly.
You just have to open a female magazine, or put MTV on, or look to see pop singers nowadays. Young girls are being taught by celebrity culture that to look beautiful and sexy they should be skinny. Role models for girls include pp stars like Miley Cyrus swinging naked on a wrecking ball etc. Girls start to think this is good looking. I'm a teacher and there are so many children I tach who are underage taking selfies of themselves, pouting with lippy on trying to look sexy and older than their years. Very sad, they are growing up before their time.
It's not right and I worry for my lo that she is growing up in a society where girls image is so important. When I was little kylie was no. 1 and her videos and the 80s pop videos are all sweet and innocent in comparison. Kylie was fully clothed back then, not half naked thrusting their pelvis around like women do in today's pop videos.
So, to sum up, I think that society has a big impact on girls self image. Therefore it is the responsibility of families, to make girls feel GOOD about themselves. Using the word big to describe a little girl, even though not badly intentioned, is not helping the girl to see herself in a positive way.
To be really picky, what is a big girl? A fat one? A tall one? That's open to interpretation, so the girl might interpret it as being fat. And might grow up with a bad self image.
I think we need to be sooooo careful how we talk to girls, and we should be careful of the words we use. We need to teach girls to value themselves, and empower them to feel good about themselves. Using the word 'big' in my view does not teach a girl this.
I would explain all this to your gm. Discuss it with her and decide on the best approach together.