To reduce my hours?

[Finallyonboard]

So my DH and I are now in a good financial position. We've now paid off our mortgage, no debt and some savings (perhaps 10,000).

We split childcare. I work four days a week and have one day at home with DC, he works three days a week with two days at home with DC.

Now we're in this position I've raised the possibility of me reducing my working days to three (same as him) and having two glorious days at home, every week with DC.

He is uncharacteristically unkind during discussions. He's saying, reducing my hours will mean that reducing my hours (losing £300-ish per month) will mean we don't see any financial benefit from being mortgage and debt free and we'll be in exactly the same financial position as we were before paying it off. I understand his point, we could use the extra money to save, have nice cars or holidays, perhaps even take a mortgage on an even bigger house! Truth is though, I don't mind being in the same financial position we are in now and having more time with DC.

So, which of us is BU? Obviously, I think it's him but I have an open mind.

The answers pretty simple. Tell him to work 4 days.

I earn more, so it'll still be a loss. Although he is saying that if I insist he will increase his hours. I don't want that either though, I think we should just both enjoy being around the DC while they're little.

You should definitely work less, he is BVU

Thank you PiS. I'm going to share these views with him later, he's being very blinkered on the subject. He's huffing and crossing his arms! Most unlike him too!

He is BU. He gets to do fewer days, why should it be different for you?

What is it he would like that you can't currently afford? If he is clear on that you could look at ways of getting it, be it budgeting elsewhere, being clever about how you make it happen so it's cheaper, or him working longer himself.

Yes, exactly Chc. I won't do it forever, just while they are small! Nothing in particular he wants, no big goal. From what I understand he wants to use the money to build a nest egg and save, the odd nice holiday or posher car than we'd usually have. Those things are unimportant to me though. I could increase my hours again at the drop of a hat! No risk involved from a career perspective either.

Should share we'll be funding IVF soon, but I'd happily wait until that's all paid anyway.

Change often makes people nervous.

We are kind of in your position, mortgage paid, DH works full time and I have been off a year, now going back part time. DH is stopping in Dec and while I can earn no where near his money, he needs the space for awhile and I don't want to decimate our savings so hoping that small wage and belt tightening gives him the headspace he needs for awhile. Maybe we get two smaller jobs and as you say enjoy the children time.

Give him time to get used to the idea.

Took me awhile to get used to the thought of losing DHs wage and all we can do on it but his health and sanity is more important.

Just to clarify, does he work 3 days a week and then work 2 days from home with dc? Or does he work 3 days a week with 4 days at home with the children? I was a little confused.

If he wants more money he could go up to 4 days too. The DC would only be in childcare three days a week.

Cynical, but does he want to be confident of being "primary carer" and getting more custody of the DC in the event of a break up?

No risk to your career, absolutely do it!!!

As you are embarking on IVF soon one how will you feel if that doesn't work and you haven't "made the most" of your current dc being pre-school age? Conversely fingers crossed it will work and you could then you could go 3 days per week following mat leave.

Do give your DH time to think it through and look it at terms of emotionally value not just financial ones.

Thanks Meg. He works three full days, had two days at home with DC and then does a few extra hours in the evening (on the computer, from the comfort of our sofa). In reality he doesn't work many less hours than me, but it's so flexible he can do the extra hours from home and still have two whole days with DC.

I would just add, he's a lovely, hardworking man with great morals. He's not a cocklodger at all. He grew up very poor though, so has some longstanding issues with money. He acknowledged this and really tries to manage the issues, which he usually does really well.

Duck, no I'm 100% certain he isn't refusing for that reason. He isn't that way inclined.

Random - you have outlined our exact argument! Ha! I've got just under a year until she goes to school. What a great time we could have together vs. Saving money now, paying for IVF and hopefully, revising the discussion after mat leave when we've got more money saved.

Honestly though, what's the point of having loads of savings. I don't want to do anything exciting. I'm happy to go for walks, to parks, drink coffee/ cake we've made at home and just enjoy being more free.