To be a bit peed off with dh disappearing upstairs all the time?

[Orangeanddemons]

To read his book. Dd has just come in from a friends, she's in for 2 mins and he's off upstairs to read his book. This is happening more and more often, as if he's trying to escape from us.

He spent about 3 hours up there yesterday.

I had this with dp. Just fucking off upstairs to watxh tv whenever he didn't fancy watching what we were watching down here.

I started doing it and he got all upset. So I made a deal that he can only do it on a Sunday teatime after ds has had a bath which dp does. And if I feel like it I get to nap on a Saturday afternoon for a couple of hours.

Witch / Icould -turn off the wifi ? Or do they have 3 or 4G?

My DH used to spend hours on the loo before we had DS. Now I make sure he goes in sans electronic devices, or I send DS (2) up after him!

But it's like he's opting out of being in the family. He already has a hundred hobbies that take him out of the house, and now he's started this disappearing act.

mine does the toilet thing or has a bath.....for hours.....and hours.....and hours.....falls asleep in the bath so i leave him.....wakes up at all hours freezing cold lol.....then says 'why didnt you wake me'.....i just say 'i was asleep' lol.....bloody annoying though

YANBU. It's the sort of thing DP would do if he could get away with it.

Just assuming that I'm the default parent. So rude.

yeah it does appear that he wants to opt out of family life. and leave you to it.
doesn't he like having a family? have you asked him?
has he always been like this?
did he want children in the first place?

How old is your DD? Time with her should be a break from a hard busy day; it shouldn't be seen as something to avoid.

She's 9 and usually no trouble, although she can be very demanding. He says he can't concentrate on reading when she's around

And I think it's rude too. But he doesn't think that.

XH was similar. Note the X.

And when i left, the kids weren't bothered about their father because, and i quote, ''he never talked to us anyway''.

He'll reap what he sows OP. You enjoy time with DD. She'll appreciate it.

Tch, men eh ?

What are they like ?

Yeah, funny the x bit. my dd says you're not going out and leaving me with him are you?

Better idea op. Send up dd with her book and they can read together. He couldn't possibly complain about that one, although mine would.

It's not just the men!

Years ago DH and I were at my Granny's house and she asked us to wash her caravan. I said to DH 'you get started and I'll be out in a minute'. I then crept into the conservatory and read the da vinci code.

DH came in and caught me a few hours later. Then my granny bought us each a pair of new boots.

I have had ongoing issues with DH for several years now because he thinks he can just opt out of family life by sitting on the toilet, going on the computer, watching films or having naps all the sodding time.

I almost split with him because of this about a year ago and he is getting a bit better but he still seems to just try to get things done the quickest and easiest (ie slapdash) way he can and then goes off and does his own thing again.

Very frustrating.

Just assuming that I'm the default parent. So rude.

^this is the problem! It really gets on my nerves too. DH thinks he can disappear for his 30mins on the loo/just doing something on the PC/reading his book and I will tirelessly provide the 'inbetween' care around the odd 30 mins he decides to actively spend time with the DC. Pisses me right off. It's getting better now after 7 years of complaining at him the DC are older and tend to be a bit more independent around the place.

OP YANBU, but you need to call him out on it - he gets a period of time to read, you then get an equal period of time doing whatever you want to do to relax. If you don't tell him, he'll continue letting you carry the load

If it were only 30 mins on the loo I'd be happy. It can be hours & hours at the weekend - keeps emerging for coffee or to look at a programme on the TV in the bedroom arse & tackle hanging out for 5 mins then back to the throne.

Grr

Why do you all tolerate this? The sheer arrogance of these men.

Completely agree with you. One of many reasons xh is x and like a pp said the kids have barely noticed.
Yy to the default parent thing.
he gets a period of time to read, you then get an equal period of time doing whatever you want to do to relax
This would not have been a solution for me, I wanted family time together not child care swapsies

programme on the TV in the bedroom arse & tackle hanging out for 5 mins then back to the throne
Jesus Christ witch seriously ??

Witch was his poo hanging out too??

I'm with Moosey. I don't understand why anyone tolerates it.

DH started to get unhealthily attached to his phone and PC a while back. I told him very firmly that he could do whatever he liked when DD was in bed but while she was awake he should be at least available for interaction. He doesn't have to talk to her constantly or play with her all the time or whatever. He just has to be around and present and there if she wants to talk to him (which she often does). He has stuck to it.

Can't you just tell him that it's not OK?

I think it is reasonable - as long as both of you and your kids can do it. People need time alone, time to read, time to unwind. Kids too. I would go mad if I was never allowed to escape. We all need it - as I said - kids too. The fact that some DPs are hiding in the loo is horrible. I wouldn't want to spend my Sundays in the loo because there was no other way for a bit of peace.

Let me guess, does he reappear for things like meals to be provided? And then fuck off again when he might be expected to actually interact with either of you.

And do you get to also go out lots and pursue hobbies?

dumbass and waitrose once he dropped a small turd on the bedroom carpet. I went mental. I have tried all sorts to get him to change/improve over the years and he is getting worse.