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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say no stilettos?!!

98 replies

RosieLig · 01/11/2015 21:51

I'm in a quandary.....

We have a lovely original wooden floor in our house. Last time we had a Christmas party someone wore really spikey shoes and you could see where she had been standing as there were dents all over the floor.

We take the rug up as it's pale and we don't want wine splashes on it.

I really cringe at putting something on the invite but equally I don't want my lovely old floors trashed.

WWYD? Am I being too Hyacinth?! First world problem, I know....

OP posts:

Roussette · 02/11/2015 22:57

So to all the no shoes whatever the circumstances posters... I have just bought the prettiest loveliest reduced pair of shoes from Nine West. They have a flat heel, are like pumps but dressier, black suede with sort of black beading at the back of the shoe. I bought them to go with a particular dress for Christmas. If I turned up with these brand new shoes, and my new dress on, walked to your door in old shoes, left old shoes at the door and put on my lovely new shoes in your hall, would you make me take them off?

If so, why?

I want people to come to my house and feel really relaxed and have a ball. I want them to chill, eat, drink, laugh and feel comfortable, and if that meant dressing up in 6 inch heels and a fab dress - fine. If it meant pumps, opaque tights and a mini skirt - fine. If it meant an OTT beaded dress and Jimmy Choos - fine. I just want everyone to enjoy themselves wearing what they want. I find it bossy to order people to take their shoes off at the door. If it was a mohair jumper that moulted all over a velvety sofa, would the same rule apply?! I just don't care about my floors (which are designed to be walked on!) when I have a party or friends over. I keep my fingers crossed red wine doesn't get spilt somewhere important, I hope no one is sick in my sink, I hope my favourite ornament doesn't get smashed but my prime aim is for comfort, relaxation and fun for who visits me. How can a floor be more important than a friend's comfort?

noeffingidea · 02/11/2015 23:21

rousette thats fine if you don't mind dents in your floor. Other people do.
Personally I'm capable of enjoying myself without damaging other people's property.

Crabbitface · 02/11/2015 23:25

Amazing tip

Right..so..after our floors got a bit wrecked at Halloween party and DH had a slight melt down, he was having ANOTHER whinge about it at work and was given this top top. Place a wet towel over the pock marks and iron over the top. The steam allows the wood to expand again. Think it has to be done fairly quickly. He was on it tonight and it worked. Still slight marks but no where near as bad.

Trills · 02/11/2015 23:31

If you do tell people, don't say "stilettos".

Kitten heels are just as pointy, just not as high.

TheDowagerCuntess · 03/11/2015 02:53

Personally I'm capable of enjoying myself without damaging other people's property.

Old, lived in, and frankly genuinely lovely wooden floors are covered in marks, scratches, bora remnants, evidence of pets; history, basically. And the older they get, the more those signs of wear and tear get worn down and cease to even be noticeable. It's what makes them look so nice.

I am now envisaging people with plastic wrap left on sofas for guests to place themselves on, the host/ess fussing with a dustpan and brush as people eat their biscuits. It's akin to that, and not a good look.

WitchWay · 03/11/2015 07:13

Crabbit agree about the steam trick. Even just dripping water into the dents will help as the wood absorbs it & expands.

Collaborate · 03/11/2015 07:48

Wouldn't it be nice to think we could all redecorate our friend's homes to suit our own tastes without getting thumped!

Roussette · 03/11/2015 08:12

But noeffing how can these shoes damage anyone's floor? Damn, they are reduced even more!

They are flat. I've said before I would not wear stillettos to someone's house who had particularly asked me not to, but other shoes? New ones, block heels, wedge ones, flat ones? That's my point to the adamant no shoes at all brigade. Not stillettos on wooden floor and people worried about them, but any shoes? I don't get the hysteria about it one little bit. I would far rather someone wore their nice new shoes and liked how they felt, than be confronted with stockinged feet, socks, bunions, sweaty feet, smelly slippers.

Roussette · 03/11/2015 08:14

Here they are, missed them off the post

OTheHugeManatee · 03/11/2015 08:25

200 years ago there would have been rugs down. I'm protective of the character features in our house too but still, if both your rug and your floor are too delicate for people to use for, y'know, standing on then I'm a bit at your interior design choices. But since they are a done deal, I'd say let the stiletto wearers know quietly and prepare to be ribbed a bit for your precious floor

Oh and there's no such thing as 'a breezy text'. Attempts to sound breezy by text always without fail sound ever so slightly passive aggressive.

Sparklingbrook · 03/11/2015 08:31

I remember the same thread from last year I think. Round and round in circles with much defensiveness on both sides.

I just think if you are a good friend you wouldn't want to damage anything in your friend's house.

The school hall at Primary had a 'no stilettos' sign on the door. People ignored that too.

ArriettyMatilda · 03/11/2015 08:39

Actually Roussette for its about bringing outdoor dirt into the home, so new shoes could be just about acceptable. But I can't imagine you'd buy a new pair of shoes for every party. I actually find it pretty disgusting that people wear outdoor shoes inside, it's definitely from my upbringing.

Roussette · 03/11/2015 08:42

I'm musing on this and wondering if it's a generation thing as I'm old (ish!). I can honestly say I have never ever been to someone's house where they have asked me to take my shoes off. Ever.

I must say here, if it was a foul night, I would make good use of doormats at the door, and inside, but never have I been anywhere and taken my shoes off and seen anyone else doing it either, and we go out lots to friends, acquaintances, neighbours, into the country, into the centre of town, all over. We love having people over and we go to other people's houses too and it has honestly never happened. It's a MN thing perhaps?

On reflection, the husband of neighbours of mine, took his shoes off once when he came here she didn't). I found it really odd and I am not joking but I thought his shoes were hurting him!

GreatFuckability · 03/11/2015 08:48

But what if someone who isn't a likely offender turns up in some? Makes more sense just to put a note in with the invite.

BringMeTea · 03/11/2015 09:04

Love these threads! I am firmly in the shoes on camp. I think it is poor manners to ask guests to remove their shoes. This times 100 if it is a party where people have presumably dressed up a bit. I think you should cover your floors. There is stuff available, can't remember what but someone suggested it on another of these threads.

Friends before floors!

SparklyTinselTits · 03/11/2015 09:08

Put a dress code on the invitation....everyone must wear some form of Christmassy slippers/socks no dents in your floor!
Not going to lie though...I always thought it was just the normal thing to take your shoes off when you go into someone's house regardless of what type of flooring they have

plantsitter · 03/11/2015 09:23

Maybe do a series of stilleto thwarting booby traps in the hall that people with flat heels won't notice. Some cork tiles, polystyrene packing wotsits, and clumps of blu tak which would stick to the heels when spiky heel-wearers walk over them, thereby protecting the floor?

Or you could do a poem?

TheDowagerCuntess · 03/11/2015 09:25

A poem, yes!

PatricianOfAnkhMorpork · 03/11/2015 09:26

I'd have no problem being asked to leave the pointy heels at home and wear something with a thicker or flat heel. I have indeed been asked to remove them when I wasn't prewarned that the house had wood and marble floors.

SummerNights1986 all of my spike heels have metal tips as they last better. Rubber is ok but most come with plastic tips which last 5 minutes and melt into a weird shape due to the friction when walking.

plantsitter · 03/11/2015 09:28

'Wear flats or leave stilettos at the door
In order not to damage our nice floor'

'Our floor is old and gorgeous. You may scoff
But heel-wearers will have to take them off'

expatinscotland · 03/11/2015 09:42

'Personally I'm capable of enjoying myself without damaging other people's property.'

Yeah, but it can be fun . A colleague once had a housewarming party that descended into drunken chaos. I saw him hang a dartboard up on one wall. Darts were flying into the wall, the wood floor.

A few weeks later we went over there to paint the walls. My ex stroked the wall a bit. 'This wall has a lot of little holes. It's almost as if someone . . . ' and we all started laughing, 'played darts here.'

AnonymousBird · 03/11/2015 09:53

Tell people in advance, I've seen a few floors completely ruined, and I have asked guests (in advance - not when they arrive!!!) please not to wear stilettos. Wider heels are fine. If they are friends, they will understand. If they are huffy, then that's their problem, not yours.

ShamelessBreadAddict · 03/11/2015 09:56

It's completely fair enough if you give people advance warning. Would I think someone was a bit Hyacinth for putting it on an invite? Honestly, yes I would, but if they're your friends they'll probably just find it funny and not hold it against you. In brief yanbu (maybe a bit precious but who cares)?

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