To think that if a 13yo wets the bed he should strip the sheets?

[Saddlesore]

DS had a friend here for a sleepover last night and after he'd gone I went into his room to fold away the put-me-up bed. First of all I was hit by the smell of pee, and the friend's bed was totally sodden with it. I get that anyone can have an accident. I also get that maybe he was really embarrassed. But if that were the case, why leave the bed in that state? Like I'd never know?

DS strips his own sheets and loads them in the w/machine weekly - it's just one job on a very short list of his "chores", and I would like to think that if he were on a sleepover and had an accident he would strip the bed. And for any doubters out there, it was definitely his friend who spent the night in the spare bed, not DS - they were still asleep in their respective beds when I had to retrieve my toddler DD from their room this morning before she climbed on top of them! In fact, I remember thinking at the time that DD must have wet her nappy because I could smell pee, but was surprised to find it dry.

Poor lad. My DH wet the bed till he was 17, and it was all made much much worse by how cruel his parents were to him about it. He discovered a few years ago that he has a spinal deformity that was a cause. Even as an adult the relief he felt at knowing that it wasn't his fault, that he wasn't just 'dirty' was overwhelming. Please, please be kind to this boy, OP, and do NOT tell your son.

I'm with everyone who thinks the boy was just hoping the whole issue would go away without his friend finding out. I really, really hope you haven't said anything to your son.

Please do continue to invite him for sleepovers, but it might be prudent to invest in a waterproof undersheet beforehand for the z-bed. You can get waterproof sheets from Age Concern which are soft and not at all like rustly bedwetter sheets, so they won't give the game away! (I got them for my late mum, but they'd work for a teen, too. Here: www.ageuk.org.uk/products/mobility-and-independence-at-home/incontinence-products/)

Yabu

Yabvu

I imagine you have already told your DS off for inviting his friend round who peed on the bed.

I also imagine that if the boy is a family friend he was probably too shit scared of going to the loo and waking you up, you sound horrible OP, so fell asleep and wet his bed.

In that he knows you well enough as a family friend to know you are an unpleasant character

You wouldn't believe what my 16yo DSs friends think I won't notice, never mind a 13yo. And they never put the milk or juice back in the fridge, let alone put sheets in the washing machine!

13yo logic = "I've wet the bed. I really don't want anyone to know. If I pretend it hasn't happened, and get dressed without friend noticing, no one will ever know".

poor boy, he must have been so embarrassed. My 9 year old wets the bed. He strips his bed himself at home and I help him with the duvet cover. He wouldn't know what to do at someone else's house though.

Whoa. That's unfair to the op. I'm willing to bet she has zero experience of this issue and is now more than aware as to what his issues could be and possibly how to handle it if it happens again. I knew unpleasant adults as a kid and this lady doesn't fit my experiences. The op invited this child to stay and to have fun. It's not like she marched round to his house with soaking sheets and demand that his mother launder them. She made the mistake of posting her feelings (in a slightly acerbic manner) on an emotive subject on a website used by people with past, present and ongoing issues surrounding said subject... I really doubt she's the devil incarnate.

I remember this happening to me at around the same age - I NEVER wet the bed then out of the blue it happened - I dreamed that I was on the loo and then it happened and I woke up wet - at my BF house! I was so mortified that I just lay there pretending to sleep until she woke up and went out of the room then I tipped a half can of coke over it and made out it was spilt. I don't know to this day if she knew but I guess boys just aren't as resourceful as girls!
Poor boy - I can totally see why he left it and just hoped it would go away.

I wet the bed throughout my teens and it was horrible. I used to avoid sleepovers because this kind of situation was my nightmare.

However the problem never 100% went away, especially when drinking, and was worsened by pregnancy and birth too. Pre-kids when I was in my early twenties I was staying with my (now ex) boyfriend at his parents house. We'd had a bit to drink and I woke up early the next morning having wet the bed (and boyfriend!).

To say I was mortified would be an understatement. I was near inconsolable. The mature thing to do would have been to strip the bed, discreetly tell his Mum and apologise profusely but instead I made my ex deal with that side of it whilst I showered and then fled.

The stupid thing was I didn't even have anywhere to go as I don't drive and didn't know his hometown. I was just so embarrassed and really not thinking straight - I'd been made to feel bad about the bedwetting at home and school in the past and just felt so ashamed.

Thankfully boyfriend was understanding and phoned my mobile and took me back to his and it wasn't mentioned by his parents (although they must have known). But I was about a decade older than this boy and I didn't deal with it well at all so cut him some slack as he really must have been mortified - it really is one of the worst feelings in the world to wake up wet and know you can't hide it.

NewBear I've been there. Even down to spilling a drink to cover the patch. My bf totally didn't know and even ended up spilling his drink too. I could've jumped for joy when he did. :o

My mum remarked that she noticed that ds gets up, "airily" announces that he needs to shower and puts his sheets in the machine and has no shame. Like it was a bad thing?! I said that's how I was raising him. I never want him to feel the way I did and that if she wouldn't mind effing off and minding her own business considering that it's not her that has to deal with it then that would be superb. She seems to forget that I was a prolific bed wetter and her behaviour towards me could be brutal. All 3 of my kids are wetters and there are days I feel like screaming in frustration but I never do. I only get mad if they lie and say they haven't wet when they have. They have to strip the sheets and leave them on the landing. I gave up on night pants as they still leaked so I wasn't saving myself any washing. I bought 3 waterproof mattresses, a waterproof pillow and duvet for ds ( who maybe because he's a boy?!) managed to wee up near his pillow and chest height making his duvet wet. Even so there is a faint ammonia smell in ds room at times which I don't think will go completely until he is 100% dry. That's why he doesn't invite anyone to stay. He has asked but I've been open about the possibility of bullying if a friend stayed and he had an accident. He's a mature boy and accepted this. He's such a lovely, kind and generous boy. I'm glad he doesn't fret about bed wetting (in his own home).

Sorry u sound v judgemental OP and frankly quite cold

Poor child

I think the coldness is a sign that she cannot remember or empathise with being a young teenager.

Her expectations are wildly off and the idea that a young and panicking teenager should take control of the situation in someone else's house, and behavebin a way that would reveal the problem to everyone and rely on everyone allowing him to behave in a way that might completely go against household norms around guests, laundry, washing machine use and also be totally fine with leaving wee on the mattress for everyone to see at a glance... And carry it all off with aplomb in a way that most adults wouldn't be able to do.

And he also has to telepathically glean whether sharing his upset with an adult will result in help, subtly and keeping it quiet, or whether his confession would lead to horror, humiliation or anger depending on the household... What a high risk lottery.

But somehow he's supposed to navigate all this, on the spur of the moment, and somehow meet the OPs random expectations to get the ultimate reward of doughnuts! Bonkers.

It always amazes me that people can be so oblivious to anyone not like them. But insulting people won't work and gives people a reason not to have to listen.