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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

teenage parties

96 replies

goodmumgonebad · 31/10/2015 15:18

AIBU to insist that I first meet any friends that my 17-year-old daughter is going to her first-ever party with tonight? They are friends from her new Sixth Form school we've not met them before. Or, if we are just going to drop her off at the party to meet friends there, AIBU to want to go in and meet the parents and/or party host so we know who she is with? this is new ground for us.

OP posts:
Fairylea · 31/10/2015 16:45

I can't read this thread without thinking about the episode of the inbetweeners where they have to ring Wills mum to come and get them from the toilet at a party and they get absolutely torn to shreds as they leave because of it! (They're supposed to be 17 in that too). Sorry op but you will absolutely win the award for most embarrassing parent if you do this! :)

SplatterMustard · 31/10/2015 16:48

My DS (17) is going to a party tonight with friends from 6th form, he's just asked if he can take two bottles of cider (4% alcohol) with him, I've spoken to the parent who is hosting the party and they say yes to alcohol as long as it is less than 5%. I'm not convinced but I guess it's better that we know what they have got, she's insisting on them handing over any alcohol at the door or they aren't allowed in.

bigTillyMint · 31/10/2015 16:48

Sparkling Grin

So glad neither of my teens want me to pick them up from parties tonight!

Though DH and i always keep our phones close by for an emergency pick-up, which we have had to doWink

SplatterMustard · 31/10/2015 16:50

Sparkling you missed 'then send a final text saying you have 30 seconds before I drive off' after you have sat there freezing for 1/2 an hour.

I once collected DS from a party and sent his little sister to get him because we'd waited too long. You could have cut the atmosphere with a knife maybe letting her go to the door dressed as Elsa was a bit much

Sparklingbrook · 31/10/2015 16:52

Tilly the other week I was awoken by a text from DS1 who was at a party 12 miles away and staying the night. It read

'I am not enjoying this a whole lot'

Hmm

I said 'Do you want me to come and get you back?' but he said no. Angry

Sparklingbrook · 31/10/2015 16:54

Oh yes Splatter or I do the passive aggressive just '?' which turns into '?????'.

Then he comes out with some other 16 year old I have never met who wants a lift home too. Hmm

mumofthemonsters808 · 31/10/2015 16:55

Believe me, even if you meet these teenagers and they are Kate Middleton type girls, you will not have a clue what they get up to when no adults are around.You need to take the shackles off your teen and let them enjoy themselves, without the embarrassment of Mummy.

SparklesandBangs · 31/10/2015 17:00

DD16 is off to a party tonight, this time I know the parents and most of the others going. She will walk there on her own and back after, it's less than a five minute walk. She will take alcohol. Last month when DH and I were away she went to a party of a school friend and stayed over. If she needs a lift home we agree a time and text when we arrive if she doesn't come out I send warming texts this gets her out without having to go up to the door.

DD19 is at uni over 200 miles away, I try not to think about what she does.

I am glad you have realised you are were being unreasonable

SplatterMustard · 31/10/2015 17:02

Sparkling and they always live miles from you down little country lanes with no lights.

My DH works nights so I always have to do the party collection Hmm

bigTillyMint · 31/10/2015 17:03

Sparkling did you ever find out why he wasn't enjoying it?

Sparklingbrook · 31/10/2015 17:04

YY Splatter. I have discovered rural parts of my county I never knew existed. Grin

MitzyLeFrouf · 31/10/2015 17:11

Don't do it op!

Your poor daughter would be morto.

VegasIsBest · 31/10/2015 17:13

Hope your daughter has a great time. Most teenagers will drink a bit. I prefer to let mine take a few beers from home. Meaning he's less likely to drink punch Jaegermeister or anything else like that. It might be wishful thinking on my part of course. But I'd prefer him to have a good time but bit experiment too much.

SplatterMustard · 31/10/2015 17:16

Sparkling must be fun. We live in a tiny place so I know most of it; having the sea on three sides narrows the possibilities for which way to go thankfully.

Keeptrudging · 31/10/2015 17:17

I think it's ok to have a chat with the mum IF she happens to open the door Smile.

Sparklingbrook · 31/10/2015 17:19

The only chat with Mum that is ok is if the Mum comes out to the car to talk to you.

Roussette · 31/10/2015 17:21

No No No! Don't!

At 17 I was supporting myself in a job and living in a flat paying rent.

Your DD is all but 18 and really you cannot be meeting all her friends. I always feel at this age, you have to hope you've put the groundwork in and they have taken it on and make sensible choices.

TalkinPease · 31/10/2015 17:23

My DD is 17 and at 6th form college.

The only time I meet her party friends is when I pick her up in the morning and compare notes with the other Mums about destruction.
Evening pickups are done by text from the road outside

drop off : never EVER go in.

And when you have a party for her just remember how embarassing you found your parents

DD went to a party overnight last night and I have no idea where or who the host is
but she stayed with a friend who I trust and whose parents I respect
so its all cool

cashewnutty · 31/10/2015 17:29

My DD2 is 17 and is going to a party tonight. I have no idea who else will be there and i have never met the parents of the boy having the party. She has 4 friends over to get ready and a taxi is booked. They are all staying here afterwards.

A quick look in the bag in the kitchen shows they are taking gin/lemonade and beer (one of the girls is 18 and bought the alcohol). My DD is fairly quiet and won't go overboard. I trust her but i won't interfere. This time next year she will be at uni and independent.

This is normal behaviour for 17 year olds. They are not 7 and need to be treated as young adults.

DaylightSnobbery · 31/10/2015 17:29

Wtf?!!!
The parents will be there? Wtaf?
This is a joke right?
Or parties have changed into borefests since my misspent youth.

TalkinPease · 31/10/2015 17:34

TBH I was here for DDs party, as were DH and DS.
They sat upstairs playing on the X Box
I hid in my office and got loads of work done
it did not seem to cramp the kids' style Grin

JessieMcJessie · 31/10/2015 17:35

Not really sure how it can be new ground for both you and your DH ....did neither of you go to a party before you left home?

NerrSnerr · 31/10/2015 17:35

What everyone else said! I would also advise her that if she is going to drink she should stay away from spirits tries to forget about the Bacardi incident when I was 17.

MitzyLeFrouf · 31/10/2015 17:37

I'm fourth out of five children. My parents were ultra uptight when my oldest sibling was this age but by the time my youngest sibling was 17 they had chilled out to a massive degree.

BrendaandEddie · 31/10/2015 17:38

i am now a veteran of these 'parties'.
IMO there should be NO booze before 16 but other parents are cocks. If its not booze its drugs - Cannabis or Ecstasy. ( yes really)

my son only like Kopperberg cider the naff fruity one, so luckily no vodka. In Year 13 is all splits as some can do over 18 stuff and the summer borns are left behind!

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