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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Bloody hell - I couldn't care less about the sodding mirror

125 replies

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 30/10/2015 12:11

OK - I'm 37 weeks pregnant, have a 1 and a 2 year old and am just coming to the end of massive building works and am very hormonal
so maybe I am being unreasonable

My DM is lovely and normally we get on very well. She and DF are super helpful and come to visit a lot to help with the DC.

Part of the work being done is a lift extension with en suite and I have asked for her views on various things. Now, whilst I haven't done anything I specifically don't want to do, I have done a lot of things I might not have to make sure that she and DF are comfortable when they come to stay. So there will be a TV up there and we've had an ariel installed so there will be freeview (we had sky). The sink has been moved in the en suite so it has a mirror above it. A ledge has been built under the window at a certain height so that there is space for people to put toilet bags, I got a bigger sink than I probably would have chosen to make sure there is space actually right beside the sink - apparently an absolute necessity for guests. The sink has drawers under it to ensure that guests have storage in the bathroom - another necessity. 70,000 spotlights on dimmers and plugs have been installed to ensure that guests have every type of shade of lighting they could want along with the bedside lights and cZn charge about 15 electrical items each whilst simultaneously blow drying their hair. Fine.

I don't want - as it wouldn't look right given the shape of the room - to put a mirror up on the wall of the bedroom. The bathroom now has a mirrored storage cabinet (large!) to ensure even more bathroom storage for guests. So there is a mirror in there for make up. The wirkd's most efficient extractor fan and a window so condensation shouldn't be a problem and the mirror will be useable to guests for make up. We have a chest of drawers in the bedroom which I want to put a free standing mirror on. There is a double socket right next to it for hair dryers etc. however, DM is now concerned that the chest of drawers might be slightly too high for the mirror to be on and therefore guests won't have a perfect environment to do their hair in. Maybe I need a new chest of drawers? Or to put a mirror on the wall? It can't be over the chest of drawers as that is where the bloody TV is to go. So it would need to be on a random wall but DM has pointed out that there would be no ledge or shelf for hairbrush etc - thus hideously inconveniencing guests who obviously would be far too polite to say anything.

I actually just want to scream and feel a bit tearful about all this. Can't I just have the room how I want it? AIBU? There will be a mirror there.

The kind builder has suggested putting a mirror on the inside of the wardrobe door but I'm sure that it won't be close enough to one of the many plug sockets is no bloody ledge. Obviously I could get the electrician out again but the bloody room has just been decorated and I really could do without him knocking lumps out of the wall to channel in another socket.

Actually, I don't care about the sodding mirror at all. My lovely DH has suggested that we just sleep up there when DM comes to stay then they can have our room which had a mirror of the fireplace and thus a winning combo of shelf and mirror. But of course DM will say no if we suggest that and just be upstairs being horribly inconvenienced.

OP posts:

backtowork2015 · 30/10/2015 21:44

Haven't rtft but just a thought; I have those suction hooks people used to use to hang flannels up in bathrooms stuck to my mirror in the bedroom with necklaces/bracelets hanging on. You could put up the random wall mirror near the plug socket of your choice, then stick on the suction hook and she could hang the brush on the mirror, my brush has a hole the handle and ive just checked it works. But you could obviously fashion some loop or attaching device if her brush has no hole in the handle. ...im sure you have nothing else to occupy you whilst heavily pregnant with 2 toddlers!!

iamEarthymama · 30/10/2015 21:58

Had a sad week and feeling a bit low so I am very grateful I clicked on this thread!!

Your mother would faint if she had to stay here!
But I am happy to report on your new room and I love babies and toddlers!
And I can cross stitch but am rubbish with the laminator.
I throw the Book of Information at anyone who needs the wifi code and feel very proud and organised!
Good luck, you sound lovely xx

G1veMeStrength · 30/10/2015 22:10

Aw OP you sound lovely and your mum and sis both sound lovely too. I am a bit jealous!

My thoughts
Mirror the ceiling
Doesn't time fly, I can't believe Monica is now a grandma, seems five minutes since she and Chandler had the twins
Smile and wave boys

Marshy · 30/10/2015 22:21

My mil folds the loo roll into a little triangle when she knows we're coming to stay.

She's pretty normal apart from that.

GreatFuckability · 31/10/2015 02:31

you need to go into labour pdq to give her lunacy something else to focus on OP.

I also now have an image of two tiny kids wearing one shoe each, hopping along the street whilst their grandmother rages about mirrors and laminated cards.

FreshwaterSelkie · 31/10/2015 06:02

Cling film holder

I had no idea my mother had another secret family. This is exactly what she'd do! She has bemoaned the lack of mirrors/hair drying facilities/endless cupboard space/openability or otherwise of windows/layout in every spare bedroom I've ever housed her in (I move a lot). We've got to the stage now where I would feel short-changed if she wasn't bitching about the inadequacy of my guest accommodation.

She really hates the bedside tables that I have, which have featured in all the guest rooms, they have a bevelled edge and she has contrived to break no less than three glasses because "they're such an awkward shape it's hard to see where you're putting your glass". I get it Mum, you hate them, I get it! You've made your point.

Good luck, OP, stick to your guns and smile and nod!

tobysmum77 · 31/10/2015 07:47

I think she needs to be reminded that you are an adult and it is your house. My in laws (mil probably) used to go round mine eyeing up projects/ painting stuff without being asked they honestly thought they were being helpful when I found it rude. Once this dawned on them they stopped (fil is usually better at reading me/ situations than mil thankfully and calms her down which I think is what happened)

The laminated cards were hilarious though I'd never let my dm hear the end of that.

SouthWesterlyWinds · 31/10/2015 08:01

Let the lamination / cross stitch of the wifi details commence.

Then change the password

Original poster

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 31/10/2015 23:17

Thank you all for the very helpful suggestions re: mirrors and placement of brushes in drawers which can be used as a shelf (quite genius!). I am off to google them in more detail.

Thank you all also for making me laugh. A lot. .

DM is apparently buying us some new bed linen - which is very kind. I can pick anything I want.....but not from the White Company as it doesn't iron very well apparently.

There is also some concern about how I will explain to guests how the shower works. I'm going to train DH like a proper concierge though to go through all of that

OP posts:

MillionToOneChances · 31/10/2015 23:25

Perhaps she could laminate an instruction sheet for you?

MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge · 31/10/2015 23:26

Anything you want? Haha, Volga Linen Company. Your DM will need to remortgage to afford it.

Can't you ask your DM just to leave you and DH to it as you are getting stressed? She sounds far to involved in what your house is like.

Original poster

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 31/10/2015 23:30

"Anything you want" in DM speak means anything you want from (a) John Lewis (b) Laura Ashley or (c) M&S

OP posts:

AvaCrowder · 31/10/2015 23:55

The white company doesn't iron well.

WicksEnd · 01/11/2015 00:00

Has she asked for a pillow menu OP? Be prepared, if she hasn't yet, I'm sure she will

PegsPigs · 01/11/2015 07:21

Sorry that I'm chucking at your life OP. You are doing remarkably well considering your pregnancy week, other child and long hours working DH. My DM sleeps on our coach despite me offering to kick DH out and she can share with me. She's late 60s with a bad back. I think your DM could take a step back and count her blessings.

Anniegetyourgun · 01/11/2015 07:47

FreshwaterSelkie, the obvious solution is to supply plastic tumblers as they are a lot cheaper than new furniture. I don't suppose your mother will like that above half either, but hey... who wants broken glass on the bedroom floor?

I'm glad I don't have most of your mothers; they'd probably expect me to clear the piles of Lego out of the spare room. As far as I'm concerned, changing the bedding and vacuuming the few visible bits of floor are quite enough manual labour to be going on with. It's more than I do for my own bedroom.

StarlingMurmuration · 01/11/2015 07:50

I can totally see why she's driving you crazy but part of me thinks it's really sweet. She's obviously really getting into the spirit of making your guest suite ABSOULTELY PERFECT, I bet she's spending loads of spare time planning out every detail and thinks that she's being really helpful. Does she have the funds/space etc to do up her own spare room? If not, I'd guess she's living a bit vicariously through your extension.

I think you should take all her suggestions on board then please yourself :)

Writtenbyme · 01/11/2015 08:12

Remember on the inside of the door to hang up a plan of the building showing all exits and the muster point.

Is she staying until the baby is born?

BikeRunSki · 01/11/2015 08:25

Can I come and stay with you? My PIL don't even have a spare bed. They have a spare room which mil uses as a study/sewing room and it is plenty big enough for a bed. They have no mortgage and 2 civil service pensions, so they are not short of cash. We sleep in there on a 1950s fold out camp bed (which is shorter than either of us) and our own camping mat and sleeping bags. They won't get a bed because "you're the only people who ever come to stay". Funny that.

BumWad · 01/11/2015 08:30

My goodness this is a first world problem and a half!

notarealgirl · 01/11/2015 08:39

Is your mum, my mum? She LOVES to laminate.

Wellthatsit · 01/11/2015 08:44

I don't think your mum is being sweet or helpful, I think she is being selfish. She wants her visits to be perfect for her, and thinks she has the right ensure that, seeing as your her daughter and she can control you.

She's also fantasising about running a BnB, and obviously thinks she would be brilliant at it.

Sorry, but II think you need to put your foot down. Say no thanks to the new bed linen (or say, thanks, you can get me it for Christmas i.e. I don't need it, but it would be a nice treat, as opposed to it really being for her, which is the real reason she wants to buy it).

She is very controlling. It sounds as if she needs to feel in control of her own environment more than be in control of you, iykwim, but she needs to learn some manners, because its making you feel judged.

MrsTedCrilly · 01/11/2015 08:56

You have a 1& 2 year old and nearly a newborn! I'm knackered with just an 18 month old, I salute you. And also you should do whatever the hell you like. She does sound like she's trying to be helpful, but you don't have to take her advice.. Just nod and smile and then do it how you want it!

Narp · 01/11/2015 10:35

I also think she's a control freak. I'm sure she's lovely, but a control freak nonetheless

Girlwhowearsglasses · 01/11/2015 11:18

Oh OP you are very tolerant and lovely.

Try Soak and Sleep for linen (used to be Duvet and Pillow Warehouse) high thread count linen at great prices. Just bough their 'only' 200 thread count for my DTs' new beds. Lovely and cheaper than John Lewis

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