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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dating an older man

65 replies

Katrina1000 · 28/10/2015 16:57

So I met this guy a few months back and we have really hit it off. Not a day goes by that he doesn't talk to me, he likes taking me out, and we have so much in common! The downside is that he is 18 years older than me. Being honest, I'm 19 but I'm tired of guys that just want to get you into bed. I habe traveled/perforemd all over europe and am successful enough that I'm building my house, so I feel ready to settle down. My parents are in their 60s and are ok with it as long as he makes me happy. However I live in a small town and the ladies love to gossip. So I'm wondering if I should stay with him? Is the age difference a big deal?

OP posts:
catfordbetty · 28/10/2015 17:10

So I'm wondering if I should stay with him?

Are you going to let Mumsnet decide? Good God.

DamnBamboo · 28/10/2015 17:12

On what basis would we be able to advise you either way?
What has it got to do with your parents?

AJ48 · 28/10/2015 17:13

I wouldn't bat an eyelid as long as you're happy, you're parents are happy, you're happy so what if women gossip?

My friend is 23 and with a 54 year old, married with 2 children and she's very happy.

AJ48 · 28/10/2015 17:13

*Your parents

PisforPeter · 28/10/2015 17:14

I wouldn't recommend it, it might not seem like a big age gap now but it will in the future.

ilovesooty · 28/10/2015 17:15

How on earth should a bunch of internet randoms know?

Rebecca2014 · 28/10/2015 17:16

Yeah definitely dump him

Sleepybeanbump · 28/10/2015 17:17

I would question a few things in your post:

Just cos a guy is in his late 30s does NOT mean he doesn't just want to get you into bed. I'm not saying that's all he does want, but you can't assume that all younger guys do and older guys don't.

If your parents' approval is so key to you, I'd question your maturity. This is the only reason I can immediately see for there to be a problem.

Triliteral · 28/10/2015 17:20

At the moment, it probably isn't a big deal as you are both probably young and healthy. When I was 19, I also dated a much older man. Now I'm 46 and I confess I am glad I'm not married to someone in their mid sixties. It works for some people. You just have to try to work out how much the difference might mean to you as time passes. You are still young enough that you don't have to make any rapid decisions either, so if I were you, I woulld take plenty of time, rather than rush into anything.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 28/10/2015 17:33

facepalm

It seems you're in danger of being too immature for him. You're happy (it seems) but you're more worried about village gossip than living your own life?

Ooookay then.

randallflagg1 · 28/10/2015 17:35

I've got a wistful feeling about the days when a bloke in his late thirties was too old for me.

molyholy · 28/10/2015 17:41

You must have doubts yourself if you are asking for opions from people who don't know you. If you're happy, then does it have to do with any of the villagers Confused. I am glad I am nearly 40 and dont have the angst of giving a shit about what other people think about me.

molyholy · 28/10/2015 17:42

*what does it.......

imsorryiasked · 28/10/2015 17:44

Dh was 32 and I was 18 when we met. We celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary this year.
If it feels right then age truly doesn't matter.

ImperialBlether · 28/10/2015 17:47

I think that's a huge age difference at your age. I'd keep your options open and mix with people who are at the same stage of life as you.

Muckogy · 28/10/2015 17:50

enjoy it while it lasts.

Obs2015 · 28/10/2015 17:53

I've always dated older men, often 10 years older.
But you are so very young. And he is twice your age. That really is a lot.

OddlyLogical · 28/10/2015 17:56

So you're worldly wise, well travelled, successful and independent, but you are worried about the village gossip?
Doesn't quite add up.
Have fun. There's no rush to settle down.

Lizawithaz · 28/10/2015 17:59

You are 19 years old and successful enough to build your own house? Yeah right.

listsandbudgets · 28/10/2015 18:01

dp is 55. I'm 40. We've been together for 16 years.

If you're happy enjoy being happy. No hurry to settle down for good. Just let it run and see how you feel in a year or two.

Fairylea · 28/10/2015 18:04

Hmm I've lived about 3 lives and been divorced twice between 19 and the age I am now (nearer to 40) so I wouldn't bank on anything lasting forever with such a big age gap but who knows ? Life is too short, might as well do what makes you happy, it's not hurting anyone else!

Helmetbymidnight · 28/10/2015 18:04

Why do so many 19 year olds think settling down is
a. Good
b. a sign of maturity?
Never really understood that.

ilovesooty · 28/10/2015 18:06

I'm interested in what kind of performing the OP does.

Notimefortossers · 28/10/2015 18:13

My DH is 15 years older than me. I was 22 when we met. Best relationship I've ever been in. Together 9 years, married 3. 3 beautiful children and one more on the way. I do sometimes have anxieties about our old age, but I couldn't possibly trade all the years of happiness we've had and are still to have because of that.

ilovesooty · 28/10/2015 18:14

Notime that's a lovely post.