Dating an older man

[Katrina1000]

So I met this guy a few months back and we have really hit it off. Not a day goes by that he doesn't talk to me, he likes taking me out, and we have so much in common! The downside is that he is 18 years older than me. Being honest, I'm 19 but I'm tired of guys that just want to get you into bed. I habe traveled/perforemd all over europe and am successful enough that I'm building my house, so I feel ready to settle down. My parents are in their 60s and are ok with it as long as he makes me happy. However I live in a small town and the ladies love to gossip. So I'm wondering if I should stay with him? Is the age difference a big deal?

I'm 58, and really glad I'm not married to someone who's nearly 80!

Thanks ilovesooty Bit puke worthy, but it's true ;). I enjoyed your interest in OP's performing too ;)

I'm happily most of the time married to a man 19 years my senior. I'm 34, he's 53, and we've been together 7 years.

He's lovely, kind and in short the man for me - can't imagine "clicking" with any one else like I have done with him. Even though the grey hairs and middle aged spread have piled on in the time we met, and I am more South Park and him more Dad's Army in sense of humour - we are happy!

I think though there is a big difference between meeting in your late twenties (me) and in your late teens.

At age 19, I was a baby! In between age 19 and 26 (when I met my husband), I got a degree, travelled the world, established a career, lived independently, had relationships (nothing major, but still) and moved to another country (which is where we happened to meet).

I wouldn't tie yourself down to anyone - let alone a much older man - at just 19.

An older man dating a 19 year old seems weird to me - the life experiences each side has with those variant ages must be poles apart.

Then again, he might be "The One"! What do I know?

Tell us more about your relationship in general.

I went out with a 42 year old when I was 21, the age difference was not actually a problem, but the fact that he was a total twat was. That said, I never planned to marry or have kids with him so who knows. Do what you want, for now!

the age difference was not actually a problem, but the fact that he was a total twat was.

This made me spit my tea out! In a good way ;) I had the same problem with an ex who was just a few months older than me. Sadly I fear twatishness spans the ages with many men ;)

I am curious as to how you can have travelled and performed all over the world and be building your own house at the age of 19?? And how on earth can you feel 'ready to settle' down at such a young age?

Personally if my DD at 19 (she is past that) was seeing someone 18 years older I would be a little concerned but that's just me.

Is this a plot from a book I haven't read,?

Im with Helmet here. Why would you settle down with him?

Is he minted?

I also dont understand a much older man wanting to be with someone so young, it makes my skin itch and I really can't see how you have anything much in common.

My DH and I have loads in common, age is only one factor in a much broader picture OP. If he makes you happy that's all that matters. Although I agree that you don't need to be thinking about settling down right now. When I started seeing DH I didn't agonize over whether I could spend the rest of my life with him. I just took it one day at a time like everything else and that just happened to be where life took us

At 22 I married a man( an immature boy...)my age. Seven years later we divorced and I met my now DH. His children were in their late teens and I was in a period of career transition. We married a year after we met, had DD later that year, DS 21 months later and 10 years later are still going strong. I would rather have 25 good years with DH than 50 shitty years with my sexually incontinent Ex!!

sexually incontinent Lol!!

Too many "laters". Sorry. Wine flowing

I had an older-man thing when I was your age, OP. I loved their worldly ways, their gravelly voices, their beautiful suits, the hint of scotch on their breath... and so on.

I am so glad I got over it and married a man just 3 years older than me. I'm in my 40s now and I would not want to be with a 60 year old.

Twattishness is evenly spread among different ages, but a man in his 30s who wants to date a 19 year old is likely to be one of the more twattish ones of his cohort.

Not certainly, but likely.

Please tell us more about your performances OP??

Purely personally speaking, I've never seen the appeal of older men.

Surely you are either getting:

• a confirmed bachelor, quite likely set in his ways
• a divorcee, possibly for very good reasons, with maintenance to pay and who might be financially reliant on you or financially immature
• someone else's reject
• a man who has had a lot of girlfriends

At nineteen there's plenty of time for the OP to, for the want of a better term, suck it and see.

I'd be very surprised if this older chap turned out to be a good long term match but it could be perfectly ok for a while.

suck it and see. Hahahaaaaaaaaaa!! A pregnant woman could easily wet her knickers reading this thread ;)

So he is 37 and you are 19?

At 19 you ( should) believe the world is your oyster blah blah blah.
When you are 37, you are a little more blinkered to all that (realistic).

Usually, but not always, you carry on your journey through adult hood with an open mind/ heart but know that in an intimate relationship your goals ideally would somewhat match and major life changes are adapted to along the way. Together.

It depends really on whether he is really a good catch and wants to capture the world's opportunities with you, or has given up and is latching on to someone younger that makes him feel good as he is starting to feel crap/ has failed relationships behind him.

Many a man has attracted a much younger woman. Many a younger woman has been attracted to an older man.

In truth not many of these relationships make it through the long haul.

There are always to suggest otherwise (on here and in real life around you) - however it is not common - for a reason.

Perhaps when he is 50 and you are 32 you might feel that there is a difference somehow. Or 60 and 42 or 70 and 52 ...

Only you know that.

In truth not many of these relationships make it through the long haul.

What are you basing that on?

Both 19 year-olds and 37 year-olds will want to get you into bed.

The difference is that the 19 year-olds lack subtlety. They make it obvious. The 37 year-olds have learned to hide it better.

Actually I've found also with a lot of my male friends 37 seems to be the exact age that men start thinking about settling down and wanting children, even ones that have previously just dicked around their whole lives. Two of my male friends said they never wanted children and were quite happy living the bachelor life, then boom, hit 37 and started freaking out that they'd never be dads.

Also, there's nothing wrong with a man wanting to get you into bed. Women want to get men into bed too. It's the nature of the beast. The problem comes when that's ALL they want

I'm 30. A 37 year old man dating a 19 year old smacks of a loser. You are being used. You won't realise straight away but you will soon.

Notime
Based on not only my own personal experience but also that of a few close peers when we were "young things" in our late teens/early 20's. None of us are with the men we had a relationship with.
Some were disastrous headfucks.
Some were tender.
Some were playful relationships on both sides.
Some could never stand the obstacles/age difference.
Some would have come to a natural ending regardless of age perhaps.

As I said earlier, there are always other people (on here and in RL) to suggest otherwise. I was politely acknowledging you and any other age gap success story posters/ people that felt strongly that had commented.

Missed a bit ...

Some were tender (and you thought you could save them ... Somehow ... That you would be the one ...) - put with the disastrous headfucks above ^