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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aib to want to see dsis without her dp sometimes?

13 replies

IHateSelfies · 27/10/2015 22:02

I'm very close to my dsis, she's four years older than me (27, I'm 23). She has settled down in the past couple of years and moved in with a really lovely guy, I like him a lot.

I'm not coupled up at the moment so I'm not sure if I'm being a bit possessive Grin

But during all of our last few meet-ups (which have mainly been at weekends as I live far away), seeing her involves seeing them both as a couple. Eg we'll meet in town for a meal/drinks or occasionally go back to their house.

I don't actively mind as he's funny and nice and great company. I also talk to her on the phone at least once a week so we get to have personal chats then. I just feel it changes the dynamics slightly always having him there.

Aib for finding it kind of sad that I'll never get to see dsis alone?!

OP posts:
whois · 27/10/2015 22:08

Um, yes and no? It would be nice to do some stuff just the two of you but she probably just sees you all as 'the family unit' so doesn't think to see you just on your win maybe.

Would she travel to see you? Would she be amenable if you asked if there was a weekend DP was otherwise engaged so that you two could plan dinner together?

Original poster
IHateSelfies · 27/10/2015 22:10

No she prob won't travel to see me (which is fair enough as I'm moving to where she lives in the next few months). Also if she went to see me it would only be with him (they like to spend weekends together, again totally fair enough) Smile

Yeah I'm sure the weekend thing would be fine, I'll ask. It doesn't bother me terribly, it's just it changes the dynamics of the conversation if he's there sometimes

OP posts:
Original poster
IHateSelfies · 27/10/2015 22:23

bumping Smile

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 27/10/2015 22:27

Have you told her that you woukd like to see her on her own?

Original poster
IHateSelfies · 27/10/2015 22:28

I'm scared I'll offend her! She's a really nice person so I don't want to upset her. Not sure if my request if a bit unreasonable

OP posts:
Booyaka · 27/10/2015 23:31

If you're moving to where she lives in the next couple of months I wouldn't worry too much. As she only sees you occasionally she probably views it as an 'event' visit where they will both see you. When you're living close by it won't be a big deal and you'll be able to do things like grab a coffee when he's busy. Just wait it out.

Meloncoley2 · 28/10/2015 07:27

I agree with PP, it will be easier when you live closer. Presumably weekends are precious for them too if they are working. I would try to see the positive OP for now, obviously her partner is happy in your company too!

Fratelli · 28/10/2015 09:27

I get it op, my dsis used to be like this with her ex (in fact, any boyfriend she has). Sometimes it's nice to see family without other halves no matter how nice they are. I still see her alone even though I have a partner and a ds.

ScribblerOnTheRoof · 28/10/2015 11:47

Why don't you suggest a "girly night out".

That kind of emphasises you want to see her alone but without insulting her.

Rebecca2014 · 28/10/2015 11:50

I have two sisters and no we would never do this to each other. I also do not understand why you cant ask to meet her alone, if she is a reasonable person she will not get offended.

Gottagetmoving · 28/10/2015 11:57

I have two sisters. One is happy to spend time on her own with me but the other always thinks we should all go out or see each other with our partners included.
None of our partners are particularly close, they 'tolerate' each other so it is not much fun for them plus when they are there it is like we are not the same people we are when it is just us sisters.
My sisters husband though, gets offended if he is left out so that is probably why she wants him there every time.
I would suggest a girly day or night out as someone else suggested.

holeinmyheart · 28/10/2015 12:47

This happens when your DCs marry. I hardly ever see my own children alone and they are very very rarely altogether with me and their DF without their partners.
However, unlike me you could ask to see your Dsis alone.
I can't say anything as the most important people to my DCs are their partners and children.
I accept this and it is a natural progression, however I miss them and sometimes feel a bit melancholy. I understand where you are coming from.

ineedabodytransplant · 28/10/2015 15:19

Just be glad he's a good bloke. My sister has a partner who never lets her out of his sight. He's a twat anyway, that just enforces it. She works in a school, he drives a taxi. When she's off, he's off. I tried to arrange a family meeting to discuss care for our mum. I asked specifically that the five of us(Three brothers and my two sisters) are the only ones with a say. He turned up and tried taking over.
Sorry, veering off of the subject. As PP have said if he's a half decent bloke then you will have many opportunities to meet up just the two of you. I'm pretty sure he would tire quickly of regular girl talk. I know I would Grin

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