To let this friendship fade

[CookieDoughKid]

I met a lovely mum last year by chance. She's from China and has a 4 year old ds. My dcs are a little older. We had a few playdates but it dried up. Mainly because of me.

She doesn't drive so hard for her to go to places (and she refuses to take driving lessons) so meeting up anywhere other than our local coffeeshop or our houses is difficult. She has never had a job so she doesn't really understand anything about my career. She doesn't read any books or newspapers and she doesn't seem to know what's going on in the world. She isn't into movies or music like I am. She has no hobbies. Her world is to go Tesco's and do playdates. Plus my dc's find her dc really boring. He just sits quietly and he's really shy- whereas my dc's are like little tornadoes and very physical, that my dc's end up ignoring him.

She's the complete opposite of me and we share no common interests.

I keep bumping into her in town and now she's asked me for a playdate. I think she is lonely. She is a lovely person but I struggle to have a conversation with her for more than a few minutes. Her day to day is the same. I can talk about so much as I've done so much and thus - I end up doing the talking and it's exhausting. We have some mutual friends as we live in a small town - I find them interesting and we have a laugh.

God, I sound so mean. How do I keep this friendship up? I should give this friendship a go shouldn't I?

Just let this one go, OP. She isn't your responsibility.

People come and go OP, if you have nothing in common then I don't see why you would continue.

She sounds like my kind of friend to be honest, I love coffee, cake and chatting. Thats about as exciting as it gets for me. I have to turn down a lot of invites out because I can't afford it. Maybe money is an issue.

All opinions here valued and I appreciate hearing it from others. Absolutely right, she should find genuine friends and I needn't feel guilty about saying no. A coffee wouldn't hurt to say a hello and general chit chat but I'll leave out the highbrow stuff obviously. I have a tendency to identify more with doers and extroverts so I really don't mean it as a put down - I really wanted to try and get to an even communicative level with her... But you're right... I'll let it slide, let her find some genuine friends.....

Ahhhh, OP, I've been there. I've so been there.

Before people start throwing rocks at the OP for 'thinking' she's more sophisticated than the other lady...

A local lady made friends with me when our DC were small (slightly different situation as the dc DID get on) and I ended up being her only English friend (we live in England, she is E. European). She IS absolutely lovely. I like her and admire her a lot.

I am v v English though, my home is my castle, I struggle with open house stuff and although I'm pretty outgoing I really began to struggle with the whole thing of always having to come in and chat for hours and being the conversation maker. I mean, I couldn't pick my DD up from their house without having a pint-sized glass of wine put in my hand, being given a pair of slippers and expected to make conversation for hours.

I am by FAR the least sophisticated of the two of us (I am not uneducated, professionally qualified to Masters Level etc etc but I am not sophisticated) she is professionally educated AND extremely creative/arty, I am not remotely interested in art, or creative things AT ALL.

Anyway, I'm just trying to say, OP, I've been there...the one that gets sats down expectantly to fill in all of the 'tumbleweed' moments. Actually I'd fricking love to be invited to Costa so I could up and LEAVE whenever I wanted instead of being made to feel guilty when I wanted to go home from their house.

Botttom line..I did what the suggestions on here say - I tried to expand the friendship with a friend who IS arty and into home decor etc etc..when I saw that that friendship was being rebuked I kind of absolved myself a bit.

Stay friendly, yes, but do NOT feel guilty ( I still do, I still feel guilty! But I have all kinds of stuff going on in my own life, not least of all crippling and entirely hidden depression and I cannot afford to make it my job to make people feel more relaxed in the UK, it is too much).