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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be in when the midwife calls?

58 replies

PippedAndPopped · 26/10/2015 20:20

Not to be contrary, just a practical question.

It's the first day home visit, but dd actually be nearly a week old. She had antibiotics but left neonatal to stay with me on postnatal, so I've been checked twice a day on ward rounds. Lovely birth, 48 min labour, no tearing, easy feeding etc. I'm happy and fine.

I have a few places I need to pop out to tomorrow (appt for other dd and shops) two short trips. So there's a chance I could miss her as she could come between 9-5, or even the next if previous track records....

Dh would be in with baby who's mix fed, dd was checked sideways before discharge and Dh is more than competent with her.

Do I need to be in as the mother for any reason? I'd attend all subsequent appt.

It's personal and identifying why I'd rather take other dd to appt rather than Dh, but it's valid and non- controversial.

OP posts:
SalemSaberhagen · 26/10/2015 20:29

Part of the visit will be checking you, you need to be there.

minimalist000001 · 26/10/2015 20:30

Don't you have a telephone number for the HV

Bigfishlittlefishsoggybox · 26/10/2015 20:31

Midwives usually bother little about babies, other than pick up 'not normal'. What they specialise in is women- she wants to see you. YABU.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 26/10/2015 20:32

Yanbu in not wanting to wait home all bleeding day.

kiggenpaws · 26/10/2015 20:33

If you don't want to be checked by the midwife OP you don't have to be, so i'd suggest its not the end of the world if aren't there?

RNBrie · 26/10/2015 20:34

I can't believe they've told you 9-5, mine always gave me a much smaller time frame. I'd be seriously annoyed about it.

Anyway, you have another commitment with your other child. I'd call the midwife and tell her I won't in between x and y but that the baby will be. I'd let her decide what to do at that point.

Threeboysandus · 26/10/2015 20:35

Could you not ring her and ask her for a more specific time? She will have a list and could give you a smaller time frame

Littlefluffyclouds81 · 26/10/2015 20:35

Surely dh could do the shops trip?

I'd call the midwife and leave a message saying you're sorry but you will be out between time a and time b because you have to attend an appointment elsewhere. Job done.

LaurieMarlow · 26/10/2015 20:36

Call her and get a more specific time

LeftMyRidingCropInTheMortuary · 26/10/2015 20:37

Tell us more about the 48 min labour!!

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 26/10/2015 20:38

Normally they give 9-5 the day before and will narrow it down on the day.

I really think you need to stay in, or do what Littlefluffyclouds says.

greenhill · 26/10/2015 20:40

Can't you phone their number and rearrange if you must be out? Why will your DH stay home with the baby and you go out with your other DD?

The midwife will want to check how you are healing, check your blood loss and assess how you are coping, if you have any questions, need advice etc

Congratulations on your new baby Flowers

Original poster
PippedAndPopped · 26/10/2015 20:40

I don't actually know how to contact community midwives, I should have asked. I was seen at hospital as a high risk pregnancy. Duh!

I guess I can find out early tomorrow..l bet I won't get an answer but I'll try.

Other dd has an audiology appt which involves more professionals than normal for a joint nursery entry plan, it's something I know more about as its my side of the family hi runs in so I can talk far more about planning her needs (realise that's not too identifying). It's the only appt where nhs and education will attend together.

OP posts:
DinoSnores · 26/10/2015 20:42

YANBU. I found this very frustrating with DC4. I'd had a very short uncomplicated labour and wanted to get out and about, but had to wait in all day for a very quick appt. I'd call them and ask for a telephone appt or for a more specific time. That's what I am going to do next time.

DinoSnores · 26/10/2015 20:44

"I guess I can find out early tomorrow..l bet I won't get an answer but I'll try."

Assuming your area is like mine, delivery suite will have the details as they referred you back to the community midwives, and/or your GP surgery will have the details of 'their' midwives. (Locally, each team of midwives has their own set of GP practices.)

NeferNeferuAten · 26/10/2015 20:44

It's as much (if not more) about checking up on you as baby; you need to be there. Call them to ask to narrow down a time frame - if you're not sure where your mdiwife will be coming from, call your local postnatal unit and they will be able to let you know.

Original poster
PippedAndPopped · 26/10/2015 20:46

Lol, went in to be induced. Started feeling cramps on walk from bay to ward, checked on entry as 2cm and mild pain... Had baby quickly after with drip still unconnected and a freak out they hadn't got cannula sin as I've previously had massive pph/anaemia (barely lost 100ml). Was in hospital anyway so a blessing really, shame I ended up watching the antethatist help open the baby station rather than giving the epidural I would have loved! I think they thought I was a drama lama until the last ten min when she clocked I wanted gas NOW

OP posts:
3littlefrogs · 26/10/2015 20:46

Your GP or the labour ward will have the contact number for the midwives.

You can at least try to let them know.

As someone who spends a fair bit of time doing home visits, it is really annoying visiting people who are not in. (In my case they are supposed to be housebound - so that does colour my perception TBH).

Original poster
PippedAndPopped · 26/10/2015 20:47

I'm "out of area" even though it's the closest hospital, which complicates contact

OP posts:
Original poster
PippedAndPopped · 26/10/2015 20:49

I asked the student midwife who discharged me obviously about contact,cit was her first week so she didn't know. She gave me my notes back and seemed a bit clueless, though lovely. I presume part of the visit will be returning mine and dds hospital notes!

OP posts:
Original poster
PippedAndPopped · 26/10/2015 20:50

Dinosnores...dc4....next time. In the nicest way you're nuts!

OP posts:
Kittykatmacbill · 26/10/2015 20:52

Congrats!

I think you really need to be in, sorry they are their to look after you... I never get why people want to avoid them? Send your dh with dd2 or rearrange that, I am sure i have just got out of hospital after a high risk pregnany will be sufficient...

Moomintroll85 · 26/10/2015 20:52

Probably a good idea to try to call and get a more specific time. Although mine was impossible to get hold of, didn't show up to do the heel prick test for DS and then promptly vanished off the face of the earth.

Hope you get it all sorted OP. Congrats on your little one!

Lilliput · 26/10/2015 20:54

Please phone the hospital for community midwife's number and let her know you are out.

MatildaTheCat · 26/10/2015 20:55

If you are out of area then surely it's the community midwives from your 'in area' hospital who will visit.

To get the number for the community midwives you can call the hospital switchboard and ask. Or the maternity reception desk. Both there 24/7. Not difficult. Then call at 8am and discuss. If I were your midwife I would prefer to see you and try to accommodate your appointments.probably defer to another day depending on availability etc.

Has your baby had the heel prick tests yet? you might want to be there for that? However,mend of the day if you decline a check up and your dh is home with the baby then that's your right. Just discuss with the midwife first if possible.