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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not be in when the midwife calls?

58 replies

PippedAndPopped · 26/10/2015 20:20

Not to be contrary, just a practical question.

It's the first day home visit, but dd actually be nearly a week old. She had antibiotics but left neonatal to stay with me on postnatal, so I've been checked twice a day on ward rounds. Lovely birth, 48 min labour, no tearing, easy feeding etc. I'm happy and fine.

I have a few places I need to pop out to tomorrow (appt for other dd and shops) two short trips. So there's a chance I could miss her as she could come between 9-5, or even the next if previous track records....

Dh would be in with baby who's mix fed, dd was checked sideways before discharge and Dh is more than competent with her.

Do I need to be in as the mother for any reason? I'd attend all subsequent appt.

It's personal and identifying why I'd rather take other dd to appt rather than Dh, but it's valid and non- controversial.

OP posts:

GreatFuckability · 26/10/2015 20:57

Yanbu. Try and contact them but if you need to go out, then you do. With dd2 I had school runs x4 to do, so I missed the mw a few times.

ChunkyPickle · 26/10/2015 21:00

I'm going to go against the rest here and say that if you have to be out, it's a week later, go out! Leave a message if you can, but I really wouldn't fret personally - the baby's there, and you can always go to the doctor if you want a check.

After a week I was expected to be taking the baby to them (despite CS, so technically not supposed to be driving) - so if they can delay a week before visiting, it just doesn't feel that important to me..... (my 24hr check they didn't even look at DS2, just ran in, wrote down an appt. for me - incorrectly - different day to date, so I skipped out of a family get together and drove 20 minutes with baby for a non-existent appointment)

brokenmouse · 26/10/2015 21:06

I was out, with the baby, twice! I asked them to give me an idea of whether I was at the start or end of their round and said I'd happily stay in for 2-3 hours, but not all day as would go stir crazy. They refused. Don't think it ever got rescheduled....

notquiteruralbliss · 26/10/2015 21:07

Never stayed in for midwives, Heath visitors etc. I generally was out to the park, supermarket etc from day 1. My midwives knew to call me on my mobile to check whether I was around before dropping in. If you are well enough to be out and about you probably have no urgent need to see a midwife.

honeylulu · 26/10/2015 21:07

We waited in until 4 pm but had terrible cabin fever so went out (also having bathroom replaced and having to wee in bucket when you've just given birth most unpleasant). We got a call from midwife at 5.45 who'd just arrived. We jumped in a taxi and were home in 5 mins. She praised is for "getting out about so quickly". Then my son ruined it by blabbing that we'd been at the beer festival. I only had half a cider!

SideOfFoot · 26/10/2015 21:08

I don't think you need to be in. I wasn't in for first midwife visit with dd2 but you need to let her know. I spoke to mine on the phone and she was happy for me to go out if I was happy. Phone the hospital ward, get a contact number. It won't be rude to be out but it would be to not let her know.

Pandora97 · 26/10/2015 21:11

Normally your hospital notes (assuming you're talking about your antenatal notes) are filed at the hospital. Think you have to pay if you want a copy of them! I normally recommend to photocopy them before labour if you want to keep them.

Personally, I'd go out - your appointment sounds important. And I say this as someone who's just qualified as a midwife. As long as your husband is in and can give a rough time when you'll be back then she can come back later in the day. Yeah, it's a bit of a pain for her but it happens sometimes and they need better communication, which isn't your problem. I do think you need to be seen though as it's as much to see how you're coping with the baby, and whether you have any issues. Plus, I've had a few people say they're fine, have a lovely straightforward appointment then suddenly drop a bombshell right at the end - eg. one woman who nonchalantly mentioned a rash on her arm, turned out she'd got shingles and had no idea and had been happily hanging around other pregnant women! Bit of an extreme example but sometimes what seems to you to be minor could be more of a problem than you think. I'm sure you'll be fine, but it's definitely a good idea to be checked over frequently if you've had a high risk pregnancy.

I think go to your appointment but leave the shops for the next day or in the evening, or get your husband to go if possible.

Cel982 · 26/10/2015 21:12

YANBU at all, but do ring and let them know in advance - that's only polite.

TheOriginalMerylStrop · 26/10/2015 21:18

Ring in and tell them when you will be out for the essential health appointment for your other DC. Then the midwife can either try to come whilst you are in, or if the time you are in doesn't fit with her schedule, not come at all. That way no-one's time is wasted.

Boysclothes · 26/10/2015 21:18

Please tell them. As a community midwives there's nothing more frustrating than trying to juggle x amount of visits and clinics, finding houses, parking, walking in rain, to find someone's out. I'm really happy for women to go out but please tell us!

Bubbletree4 · 26/10/2015 21:19

This business of midwives calling at some random time between 9-5 is completely unacceptable. When ds was a baby, I waited in for the midwife. When she got there, I'd been waiting in hours, and she said "have you managed to get out to take the baby for a walk" and I was and just wanted to say no, because I've been waiting in for you!!

GrouchyKiwi · 26/10/2015 21:22

Are they still checking mothers after a week if there's no tearing or other birth complications?

If you can't get a number to call I wouldn't worry to much since your DH will be in with the baby. IIRC the later midwife visits were more about weighing the baby and checking if there were any issues with feeding.

museumum · 26/10/2015 21:23

Your other DDs appointment sounds more important IMO. MW can check the baby and talk to your dh about how the baby is. If you have any concerns about yourself you can go to a drop in clinic.

Boysclothes · 26/10/2015 21:24

The problem is you rarely have a clue what you are walking into. I could be fifteen minutes in someone's house, or two hours, and I have ten visits a day. I can certainly tell someone if they're going to be first, last, or in the middle, but I can do no more than that.

Snossidge · 26/10/2015 21:25

I'd call and let them know you'll be out, but it's not reasonable for you to have to stay in all day if you have things to do.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 26/10/2015 21:31

I'd try and contact them beforehand out of politeness, and then go to your DDs appointment.

I do think just going out to the shops would be a bit of a waste of time for the midwife, but not an important appointment like that.

The midwife visiting me phoned up irate is gone out and wasted her time. She did have the grace to apologize when I said I was somewhat confused as I hadn't been discharged yet.

BreeVDKamp · 26/10/2015 21:37

My midwife home visits never involved checking me I had a 3rd degree tear and epis so it's not like there was nothing to check. Hm!

OP yay for your fast labour, mine was 40 mins after induction too, made up for going 11 days over haha!

Sounbelievablydull · 26/10/2015 21:47

So annoying
You must have known about your highly important meeting before today so why didn't you make an effort to let the midwifery service know?
I honestly think we should be charging patients when they pull stunts like this.
I had a district nurse in tears last night because she'd gone to a house three times to give treatment to a "housebound" patient who it turned out had gone out to play bingo and then called and demanded a visit as it is her right.
What has it all come to?

Eminado · 26/10/2015 21:51

"Today 20:37 LeftMyRidingCropInTheMortuary

Tell us more about the 48 min labour!!"

So glad I am not the only one who thought this!

janethegirl2 · 26/10/2015 21:53

Stay in till 11am then leave a note in your door with your mobile number. She can then call you and depending on what you're doing, you can arrange to see her at later more convenient time.

brokenmouse · 26/10/2015 21:54

I'm a health professional who does visits, so I know how unpredictable it is and hated to waste their time. But they wouldn't say "morning/afternoon/around lunchtime" and they wouldn't give me a mobile to call and let them know I was going out! How are people supposed to manage if they have older kids to collect from nursery/school?

3littlefrogs · 26/10/2015 22:03

We carry mobile phones, the patients all have our numbers, we give them an appointment for the day well ahead of time, we all work out of the patients own GP surgery, they are supposed to be housebound to qualify for a home visit - yet - they still go to the hairdressers, the pub, out with their friends....but they can't possibly come to the surgery. It can be very frustrating.

I do think the OP should at least attempt to get a message to the midwives. I know they all carry mobile phones and that the hospital and the GP have the office numbers. The Op must have had a little bit of advance warning of her Dd's hospital appointment, surely?

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 26/10/2015 22:06

This brought back memories of when dd was born.

We came home from the hospital Thursday eve.

I had to take ds to school fri 09:00. And he wanted to show his little sister off... So me and dd were out from about 08:30-09:30.

Midwife knows the family is me, ds and now dd. she knew ds was school age. So she called round at 08:45. She left a tiny card inside my letterbox (not through to the house, between the two flaps where it was hidden until we got post on Monday)

She then returned at 3pm. Just a few minutes before ds was released from school... So we were out again, and not expecting her, as we hadn't seen the card.

She did eventually catch up with us on the Saturday.

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 26/10/2015 22:08

I think you need to get hold of her and get a rough idea of the time she wants to visit.
YANBU to go out. But try to find out when is a good time for your jobs...
I hate waiting in all day for anything.

Essexgirlupnorth · 26/10/2015 22:11

I missed the midwife one day because we were all sleeping and didn't hear the door. They just put a note through and came the next door.
I was go and do what you need to do and if you in when they call all well and good.

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