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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

hurt on behalf of my niece re using same name

83 replies

cansantabuildsnowmen · 26/10/2015 16:02

My cousin had a baby last week on my nieces birthday. They named her a different name to my niece but both will go by the same short version. Think Isabel and Belinda both going by Bel. Both children are unlikely to ever meet, we aren't close to cousins but we are a tiny family. There are now 15 of us total so whilst they wont grow up together its very obvious they have the same name. Cousin has made it clear the new baby will be called by the short name.

What is upsetting us is my niece isn't biologically my brothers nor are my brother and nieces mum married however they've been together 8 years and my niece was 3 when they got together. In that time my auntie has had 4 grandchildren and we've always sent birthday cards, bought Christmas presents for the kids and my niece has had nothing from my auntie or that side of the family. It makes me wonder if they would have used this name if my niece was biologically my brothers. Aibu to be upset over all this

OP posts:
clam · 26/10/2015 17:18

So, when you say 'niece,' you actually mean your brother's girlfriend's child?

Bettercallsaul1 · 26/10/2015 17:19

Is that opposed to Paddy "without the leg", Worra? Grin

Utterlyclueless · 26/10/2015 17:19

is the child not her brothers? I can't even be bothered going back to the beginning to re read .. Lazy

MrsDeVere · 26/10/2015 17:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bettercallsaul1 · 26/10/2015 17:24

I am actually totally confused about the family relationships here. I think you need to draw us a family tree, OP.

Seriouslyffs · 26/10/2015 17:24

MrsDv Goodfellas! I've been thinking of that scene as I read this thread!!

Axekick · 26/10/2015 17:29

I don't get why you are upset over not receiving any gifts either.

By all accounts you don't have anything to do with them

AdjustableWench · 26/10/2015 17:31

My sister named her daughter a different version of my daughter's name. They see each other frequently, and it never causes any problems. I don't really see what the issue is here.

StrictlyMumDancing · 26/10/2015 17:34

I have two cousins who are close (not to me, to each other) who's names are exceptionally similar. Think Ava and Eva. They couldn't give a monkeys. Its just the rest of us who are confused, especially when different regional accents get involved!

HesterShaw · 26/10/2015 17:34

Er yes. YABU.

I once knew two sisters who saw a lot each other. One of them had a girl and named her, let's say, Sarah. Two years ago her younger sister also had a girl, who she called...yes, Sarah.

As far as I know it caused no problems at all, and this was a family who were close and saw a lot of one another.

While I admit I probably wouldn't be as sanguine as all that about the issue if I had been Sister 1, this preciousness about names generally baffles me.

ShebaShimmyShake · 26/10/2015 17:35

Not only is it a complete non issue, but you're not even close to these people and it's all cousins and nieces, not immediate relatives. Sounds as if you're one of those people who has to invent drama and make it all about you.

BikeRunSki · 26/10/2015 17:35

Total non issue. I have 3 sets of cousins called Chris and Jo (mostly abbreviated from the same long forms) who are cousins to each other too. They see each other all the time. They're all in their 30s and 40s and nobody's ever had a problem with it. They laugh at their parents' lack of imagination, that's all.

BaronessEllaSaturday · 26/10/2015 17:37

Am I supposed to buy presents for my cousins children too now? I've always bought presents when my cousins gave birth and christenings but not for Christmas or birthdays (in my defense I have 10 cousins I've lost count of how many children they have between them but at least 2 each). I don't know anyone who buys presents regularly for that distant a relationship

MamaBear98 · 26/10/2015 17:37

I have two cousins (one on dm side, one on df side ) with the same name but different spellings and none of us have ever been annoyed or upset about it...

MamaLazarou · 26/10/2015 17:37

YABU.

I wish I had your 'problems'.

Nydj · 26/10/2015 17:43

The same names is a bit of a red herring isn't it? The real issue seems to be that you don't think they treat your niece as one of the family and the names has kind of brough the presents and cards issue into focus. I am not sure I have any advice - you can't force them to treat your niece better but it may be worth reevaluating whether the relationships are warm enough to continue buying presents etc for the children on that part of the family.

Gruntfuttock · 26/10/2015 17:45

ShebaShimmyShake "Not only is it a complete non issue, but you're not even close to these people and it's all cousins and nieces, not immediate relatives. Sounds as if you're one of those people who has to invent drama and make it all about you."

Exactly. This couldn't even be called a trivial problem, because it's not a problem at all! Completely ridiculous.

BabySnoring · 26/10/2015 17:57

Is the name thing really an issue?

PaulAnkaTheDog · 26/10/2015 18:00

You're annoyed because two family members, who don't see each other have the same nickname for their children, but their actual names are different?

Am I missing something?!?!

Whatthefoxgoingon · 26/10/2015 18:00

Is your neice hurt? No? Then why the hell are you hurt on behalf of her??

This is such a non-issue, I don't know where to start...

SilverOldie2 · 26/10/2015 18:03

YABU - non event is an understatement. How is this any of your business?

mumeeee · 26/10/2015 18:09

YABU. It doesn't matter if they have named her the same as your niece. In fact they haven't actually used the same name just the same nick name. Also I have never sent birthday presents or cards to my cousins children so can't see a problem with that either.

Greengardenpixie · 26/10/2015 18:36

I dont see the problem either. It isn't even as if its your daughter, its your niece. A very weird attitude. I really don't get it. I never say this but YABU.

Snossidge · 26/10/2015 18:41

So two children who aren't related by blood or marriage, and are unlikely to ever meet each other, have slightly similar names?

My DS has the same name as my cousin and grandfather.

TiffanyAchingsFeegle · 26/10/2015 18:53

Who cares?

My cousin gave her son the exact same name as my son.

That means our grandma has two grandsons with the same name.

And another cousin used the name again but changed it by one letter.

I came up with the name first though. as did half the country