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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

hurt on behalf of my niece re using same name

83 replies

cansantabuildsnowmen · 26/10/2015 16:02

My cousin had a baby last week on my nieces birthday. They named her a different name to my niece but both will go by the same short version. Think Isabel and Belinda both going by Bel. Both children are unlikely to ever meet, we aren't close to cousins but we are a tiny family. There are now 15 of us total so whilst they wont grow up together its very obvious they have the same name. Cousin has made it clear the new baby will be called by the short name.

What is upsetting us is my niece isn't biologically my brothers nor are my brother and nieces mum married however they've been together 8 years and my niece was 3 when they got together. In that time my auntie has had 4 grandchildren and we've always sent birthday cards, bought Christmas presents for the kids and my niece has had nothing from my auntie or that side of the family. It makes me wonder if they would have used this name if my niece was biologically my brothers. Aibu to be upset over all this

OP posts:

Lunastarfish · 26/10/2015 16:30

I understand why you are unhappy that that side of your family forget about your niece but I still don't understand why yout are upset that the cousin has chosen the same nametl. I'd be pissed off if a cousin chose the same name as my dd (although I accept the notion that no one owns a name) but I don't imagine my Bro or sister would care. They'd think it's a bit weird but I would think they're weird for being upset about it.

JoySzasz · 26/10/2015 16:30

Can you explain why it has upset you a bit more please.
Just because (so far) it looks like nothing had happened.

CalonDu · 26/10/2015 16:32

I genuinely don't get the 'same baby name' angst on MN. It's not as if family members are doomed to spend their entire existence within hearing distance of easily confused relatives.

x2boys · 26/10/2015 16:34

like you said its not even the same name but the same shortened version my very good friend and i have sons about a year apart with similer but different names say Edward and Edwin why would we be bothered?

pigsDOfly · 26/10/2015 16:34

Reading between the lines OP I get the impression that what is upsetting you is that you feel that by using this name and announcing that 'Baby Bel is here' they are being very dismissive towards the already existing Bel.

I can see why you and her parents are upset when you put it together with the fact that they don't even acknowledge her enough to send presents etc on her birthday, however, I think you need to accept that they are probably not very nice people and let this go.

They really aren't worth getting upset over.

F0xglove · 26/10/2015 16:35

It doesn't sound like they thought that. It sounds like they thought that the two girls would be unlikely to meet, and in fact, it's a different name.

If it makes you feel any better, I remember reading in hello magazine! that that dragon guy, the entrepeneur, he has two daughters, one from his first marriage and one from his second marriage and they are called annabel and isabel. I thought that was quite weird. that's so much worse than isabel and belinda.

Agent160 · 26/10/2015 16:36

So your mum has a great-niece and a grand-daughter with the same name? I don't see the issue. Things like that are quite common in my family.
Until I got married I had the exact same name as 2 of my dad's cousins' children. I've never met them. And my cousin has the same name as another of Dad's cousin's children (our family goes for traditional, common names!) They meet fairly often.

It occasionally caused some confusion with my GP, but very rarely. And was usually sorted by saying "No. Roy & Janet's Tarquin!"

x2boys · 26/10/2015 16:44

We had a similar problem Agent my great grandfather,grandfather ,uncle and cousin all had the same name [family tradition ] say' David' great grandfather and grandfather were sadly deceased but when others were talking about uncle and cousin David it was 'our David' for uncle and 'young David' for cousin they still go by those names and 'young David' must be nearly 5o!

mayaknew · 26/10/2015 16:45

I agree the name thing is a total non issue but I think they child needs to be included in the family .

But then I think that's an issue for the parents that's my i asked what they thought . OP what do they think ?

Utterlyclueless · 26/10/2015 16:48

X2boys

My family is the same With David! All my dads male cousins and siblings are all either called David, Patrick, Francis or Mick and there's a lot of them

Canyouforgiveher · 26/10/2015 16:48

I don't even understand the angst about not sending your niece presents. this would be your aunt's great niece. Some people just don't send presents to great nieces/nephews/cousins children (we don't).

AcrossthePond55 · 26/10/2015 16:49

Let me try to understand. Your aunt (and her family) completely disregard her 'step'-grandchild (not married, but in LTR). Her daughter just had a baby and gave her a name with the same 'nickname' as this child. These two children are unlikely to meet for an unknown reason, I assume either because distance makes it unlikely, or aunt or mum-of-child has decreed it so. You are upset because you believe using the same nickname will hurt the child.

YANBU to be upset but you're upset about the wrong thing IMO. I'd be upset because my aunt was ignoring 'step' grandchild by not doing at least a 'token' gift or card, not because they were using her nickname.

But bottom line is, MYOB (said nicely). It's up to your cousin to decide if the treatment given to his 'step' child is unfair and what to do about it.

FYI one of my cousins gave her two children the same name as me and another cousin (we were the two youngest cousins). At one point the 'children's table' at family dinners consisted of just the 4 of us; two 'Marys' and two 'Bobs' as it were. Didn't bother anyone a bit.

Mrsbennington · 26/10/2015 16:55

My nephew has the same name as my cat - gutted......

WorraLiberty · 26/10/2015 16:56

YABU

Try coming from an Irish family like me.

Every fucker is called Mary.

WorraLiberty · 26/10/2015 16:56

'Gutted' is a nice name for a cat.

Not so sure about your nephew Mrsbennington

x2boys · 26/10/2015 17:00

or Paddy if your male Worra! Utterly now 'Young Davids ' sister is in a long term relationship with yet another David must be fun around the dinner table!

elizadolittlechoc · 26/10/2015 17:00

We have at least 4 different duplicate names in our family. We just all like the same names and also like to carry on traditions. we differentiate by "big' or 'Little', 'Young' or 'old'. No one minds.

NerrSnerr · 26/10/2015 17:03

I have the same name as my cousin, my brother has the same name as our cousin and uncle. How and why is it a problem?

SooticaTheWitchesCat · 26/10/2015 17:03

YABU. We have 2 cousins in our family with the same first name, no-one finds it a problem. My husband has a big family and there are lots of people with the same name, there is even one with same first name and surname.

Don't let silly things worry you, it's not even your child.

LIZS · 26/10/2015 17:03

Yabu , the coincidence is unlikely to cause any issues unless you stir it and it wouldn't be your "hurt" to voice anyway. Fwiw we abbreviated dd's name to one version as a baby but it has changed over the years.

Agent160 · 26/10/2015 17:07

X2boys my DH's family are the same - DH has a family name passed down.

To differentiate between DH and his father, DH's father is called 'Big David', which is actually quite comical because DH is over a foot taller than his father!!

WorraLiberty · 26/10/2015 17:08

Yes, we have to differentiate by calling them 'Paddy with the leg', or 'Mary with the hair'

F0xglove · 26/10/2015 17:13

nobody in my family is called mary. There is one Patrick though.

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 26/10/2015 17:14

I'm struggling to see the problem. You said they never see each other so why would they send gifts especially? My children don't get presents from my cousins/aunts/uncles and if anything if a cousin gave their child the same name as one of my dcs, I'd be flattered.

Is your niece bothered? My mum's friend called her baby my name when I was about 10 and I was absolutely delighted!

Unreasonablebetty · 26/10/2015 17:14

If this is your biggest worry in regards to your family life, you are very lucky.
This is not an issue at all.
Plenty of families have relatives with similar names.
Drop it.

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