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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To slap inlaws

64 replies

Dollymixtureyumyum · 25/10/2015 16:45

My husband after 3 years of hell, depression and anxiety has given up teaching. He qualified just over 4 years ago and since he finished his NQT years that he passed with flying colours it has been hell. I forget the number of times he has broken down crying.
Marking in the early hours 6 out of 7 nights a week
Having to use his own resources and money to make sure the kids had decent lessons.
Had lessons plans thrown out the window 5 or 6 times a week when he was put in a different class to cover.
Penalised for not stupid things such as not using IT in a practical gardening session and the worst one of all he was marked down a grade in a lesson by ofstead because one of his students did not turn up, this student had been run over and killed the day before!!!
Being attacked by students and on one case a parent and then having to teach the student the next day.
So he has now got a job as a postman, not as much money and we do need to cut back a bit but I have my happy husband back and I am proud he has had the strength to make the change.
My lovely inlaws have said he has let them down and they are now embarrassed to tell people what he does!!!!
So basicly they would rather have their son being a nervous wreak in a job they can brag about then have him happy
Now he feels like shit- Bastards bastards bastards

OP posts:

ShutTheFuckUpBarbara · 25/10/2015 16:47

They sound horrible

Fluffyears · 25/10/2015 16:50

Tell them to fuck off! It is none of their business. Glad he's happier.

Original poster

Dollymixtureyumyum · 25/10/2015 16:50

Just when I think they can't get an worse they excel themselves. I would happily go NC if I could as the while side of the family is toxic.
They are my DHs weak spot, his sister was and is the golden child and got everything and all there attention and still does. It's like he is always trying to please them and gain there approval so one day they may put him first over his sister if that makes sense.

OP posts:

Junosmum · 25/10/2015 16:52

Teaching is a bastard career. Good luck to him as a postie and you guys as a family. Husband left teaching 3 weeks ago. Best move he ever made. We spend time together!

pigsDOfly · 25/10/2015 16:53

What can one say about people like that?

I've always told my children that it's more important to do a job that fulfils you and makes you happy than something that makes lots of money but you don't enjoy.

It sounds like hell, what do they want from him? Would they have been able to feel proud of him if he's stuck it out and ended up in hospital with a breakdown?

Stupid attitude, stupid people.

timelytess · 25/10/2015 16:54

Would you tell your husband, from me, that I am very, very proud of him, please?

I spent 21 years in teaching. It destroyed me. I am so glad that he has had the strength to leave before that happened to him, and that he has a lovely wife who truly supports him.

I'm a parent. I get things wrong. I get told about it. When he's up to it, maybe he could tell his parents where to get off?

ReggaeShark · 25/10/2015 16:57

A slap is not enough.

Junosmum · 25/10/2015 16:58

Sod the in laws.

theycallmemellojello · 25/10/2015 16:58

Well it's not great, but to be fair he does seem to have had an extreme experience in the teaching profession that isn't representative of the job as most experience it. I don't think that them wanting him to stay a teacher means they want him to go through those things. But yes, it's his life so he can do what he likes, and part of growing up is learning to not do everything for mum and dad's approval, so good luck to him.

mudandmayhem01 · 25/10/2015 17:00

I have often dreamt of being a postie, I know a few people who do this job and they are without exception lovely people, many of them have qualifications completely irrelevant to the job, pHD in philosophy? I worked in the sorting office as a student one Christmas and i have never worked with a nicer gang of people. I'm sure its not a bed of roses like any any job these days but you must be so proud of dh putting family and quality of life beyond money and status.

minimalist000001 · 25/10/2015 17:01

We'll done to DH! It takes balls to make such a change. What horrid parents though

caravanista13 · 25/10/2015 17:04

My daughter left teaching in her fifth year post NQT - I honestly believe it was that or a breakdown and I was so proud of her for having the courage to walk away. Your ILs should be ashamed of themselves.

timelytess · 25/10/2015 17:05

that isn't representative of the job as most experience it
His experience sounds very familiar - very similar to my own.

yorkshapudding · 25/10/2015 17:14

Your in laws are being incredibly selfish and making it all about them. It must be very difficult for your poor DH, especially after everything he's been through. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being a Postman, he's providing for his family and providing an important service to his community at the same time. It's sad that they can't support him in his new career, despite him being so much happier and healthier. All you can do is continue to show him that you support him and are proud of him.

slithytove · 25/10/2015 17:14

Fuck them.

Good for your husband, and good for you being so supportive. I hope this next step of your lives brings you happiness.

PeppaWellington · 25/10/2015 17:24

Do your in laws live near you, might one of dh's colleagues be their postie?

They really are asking for late, battered mail, aren't they? Grrr.

I'm sorry your dh had such a hard time teaching - though I'm not surprised, who wouldn't quit? - and that his rotten family are incapable of being supportive or even kind. I applaud him for getting back on his feet (literally!) and starting a new career. Good for him!

Original poster

Dollymixtureyumyum · 25/10/2015 17:32

Thanks everyone.
He came to me a couple of months ago and said they are looking for postman would you mind if....
He did not get any further I just threw my arms around him and told him what a great idea it was.
They have seen what it has done to him. Even worse they where both teachers and took early retirement due to breakdowns

OP posts:

whattheseithakasmean · 25/10/2015 17:35

Your ILs sound awful, but I do have to say that the teaching profession is not always as your DH experienced it.

My DH had a late career change & compared to the stress and long hours of his industry job, teaching is bliss. He loves the job satisfaction & you can't argue with the great holidays. However, teaching is not for everyone and I do suspect my DH is a 'natural' - plus he is easy going and doesn't stress the small stuff. Sometimes government bollocks leads to a wee rant, but he is pretty teflon coated, having already experienced a career with silly rules and standards.

Teaching can be great, but was obviously wrong for your DH, so he is to be commended for getting out of it, for the children's sake as well as his own - children need inspired and happy teachers, like my DH, not stressed out wrecks who can't cope with the job.

BoneyBackJefferson · 25/10/2015 17:35

theycallmemellojello
Well it's not great, but to be fair he does seem to have had an extreme experience in the teaching profession that isn't representative of the job as most experience it.

I would dispute that

sohelpmegoad · 25/10/2015 17:38

Some people are all about them, My DH had to retire from the police on ill health, my PIL ignored that, when he retrained as a Paramedic, they told him not to tell anyone as the whole thing was an embarrassment to them. Tell your lovely DH that his own self esteem is worth so much more than any problems his parents have about their self esteem. Be a Postie (or Paramedic) and be proud

theycallmemellojello · 25/10/2015 17:43

Well I taught in a state school myself a while ago and it didn't represent my experience! And I have friends still in the profession. I'm not saying everyone finds it a stress free job, but the idea that the average teacher is on the verge of a nervous breakdown and that the average school is a nightmare place of employment is overstating the case as far as I can see it. I don't agree with the parents' reaction at all, but I do understand that they might be disappointed if they think that he's talking a job that doesn't use his skills, talents and qualifications, and that this doesn't necessarily mean they don't have his best interests at heart.

notquitehuman · 25/10/2015 17:53

Ugh sounds a bit like my MIL. She'd rather her children do something impressive that she can brag about to her friends than anything that makes them happy.

I hope your DH feels better soon. Maybe he could use his experience to do something like tutoring, as it sounds like he is great with kids.

MudCity · 25/10/2015 17:54

Congratulations to your husband for making the change. It takes a lot of courage to change direction as he has. He has done the right thing. He knows it. That is ALL that matters.

Sod the in-laws. They can think what they want. You will just need to reassure your DH that he has done the right thing for your family and you are proud of him. He needs to trust his instincts though because trying to win the approval of parents like his is a road to nowhere. And they won't ever change so he has to!

BoneyBackJefferson · 25/10/2015 17:57

theycallmemellojello

"Well I taught in a state school myself a while ago and it didn't represent my experience!"

How long ago?
And it was your experience.

and that this doesn't necessarily mean they don't have his best interests at heart.

Given what he has been through they definitely don't have his best interests at heart.

GreenPetal94 · 25/10/2015 17:58

Sod your inlaws

Postman is such a great and essential job. Much better out and about than feeling shut in a classroom and stressed.

I was a teacher (private school) and I lasted 1/2 term. I have never regretted quitting.

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