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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To slap inlaws

64 replies

Dollymixtureyumyum · 25/10/2015 16:45

My husband after 3 years of hell, depression and anxiety has given up teaching. He qualified just over 4 years ago and since he finished his NQT years that he passed with flying colours it has been hell. I forget the number of times he has broken down crying.
Marking in the early hours 6 out of 7 nights a week
Having to use his own resources and money to make sure the kids had decent lessons.
Had lessons plans thrown out the window 5 or 6 times a week when he was put in a different class to cover.
Penalised for not stupid things such as not using IT in a practical gardening session and the worst one of all he was marked down a grade in a lesson by ofstead because one of his students did not turn up, this student had been run over and killed the day before!!!
Being attacked by students and on one case a parent and then having to teach the student the next day.
So he has now got a job as a postman, not as much money and we do need to cut back a bit but I have my happy husband back and I am proud he has had the strength to make the change.
My lovely inlaws have said he has let them down and they are now embarrassed to tell people what he does!!!!
So basicly they would rather have their son being a nervous wreak in a job they can brag about then have him happy
Now he feels like shit- Bastards bastards bastards

OP posts:
BlackeyedSusan · 25/10/2015 18:01

tell him congratulations on getting out, sorry it was so shit. (sounds like bad managers) enjoy the lifestule of not teaching. when you think about the lesser pay (you will) try to remember how shit it was and be grateful that he is not goinhg through the stress again.

taught in many different schools and what it is like depends on the head teacher./smt. different schools are really different.

Brioche201 · 25/10/2015 18:07

It wouldn't occur to me that teaching was an 'impressive' job tbh.i wouldn't really think of a teacher as socially 'superior' to a postman

LuluJakey1 · 25/10/2015 18:08

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2493519-To-wonder-why-so-many-teachers-want-to-quit?

Interesting the comparison. Sounds like your DH did the right thing.

NumbBlaseCold · 25/10/2015 18:12

It is all about them is not it?

Not how good this is for your husband or your family.

All about them.

I would not waste a slap, I would just ignore.

Your husband can always go back to teaching at a later date or tutor if he wishes but this job is what he wants and needs.

Shame he has not got a supportive family but he has you OP, which is great.

ghostyslovesheep · 25/10/2015 18:13

They are twats - I am glad he's happy

My step father did the same - primary teacher to postie - best decision ever x

Iggi999 · 25/10/2015 18:15

whattheseithakasmean - did you mean to be so rude?

IjustGotmy2016diary · 25/10/2015 18:15

Good for him. If things are tight and if he did enjoy the teaching aspect - has he thought of tutoring in the evenings?

TimeToMuskUp · 25/10/2015 18:24

Sounds like he chose his family wellbeing and mental health over his career, which even to someone who knows nothing else, sounds the right choice to make. Your IL's sound just awful people, good on him for going against their wishes; it must have taken him some balls to do that knowing they'd be upset by it.

As for being a 'natural' whattheseithakasmean, I work in an infant school and have seen a few teachers to whom I'd apply that term. They are switched-on, hard working, engaging, bright, endlessly patient and kind. I've also seen them come close to defeat by targets, expectations and the relentless demands of parents. The two aren't mutually exclusive; you can be a natural at teaching and still find a classroom stressful.

DinosaursRoar · 25/10/2015 18:26

YANBU - however, both his parents had breakdowns due to working as teachers, and yet after that happened, he decided to train as a teacher - why on earth did he do that? Did he, knowing having seen first hand it's a stressful job that might well not suit his personality, want to do the same career they had to 'prove' something?

Is he a recent graduate or is he older and have a different career then go back to do his PGCE? Did they support him finanically through university? Not that doing that gives them a right to dictate his career, but if they did make signficant financial sacrifices to support him, I can see why they feel they have a say.

knaffedoff · 25/10/2015 18:48

They most likely supported him through his education and may have sacrificed much to do so. I am glad your dh enjoys his new job and I hope that in time, your in laws will accept your husbands decision Flowers

Kettricken · 25/10/2015 19:09

I wish my DH would quit his teaching job, it's been making him miserable for years. I begged him to quit 2 years ago but he won't. Good luck to you and your DH op

Puzzledandpissedoff · 25/10/2015 19:17

like he is always trying to please them and gain there approval so one day they may put him first over his sister if that makes sense

It make perfect sense - though that doesn't make their behaviour any less foul

But surely the good news here is that a guy who's been sufficiently brave and sensible to make this vital change might just learn in time to ignore them??!!

Tallyloolah · 25/10/2015 19:22

A slap not enough, body slam them off a pier, bastards.

helenahandbag · 25/10/2015 19:45

My DP is a postman, it's a bloody hard job that's getting worse all the time due to more stupid rules and pressure coming from the management. Your PIL should be thrilled that they have a happy, healthy son with a great work ethic.

Arseholes.

Wishful80smontage · 25/10/2015 19:53

Just you and your dh be happy now that's the biggest slap you could give them- I hope he realises that he doesn't need their stamp of approval?
They sound like utterly crap parents isn't that just fundamental that you want your children to be happy- so basic- yet their more concerned with 'bragging rights'over son's career choice! What complete tossers they are.

kelpeed · 25/10/2015 20:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Headofthehive55 · 25/10/2015 22:41

I taught, it was the worst job ever! People have ingrained ideas of you. His parents vision of him would be of their son, the teacher. He's challenged that. Hope all goes well for him.

Fratelli · 26/10/2015 07:53

Tell your inlaws to fuck off!

I think it takes courage to do what your husband has done. I'm pleased he's much happier

GruntledOne · 26/10/2015 08:04

As a matter of interest, would your DH consider using his teaching qualification at a later stage to do something like private tuition or specialist dyslexia teaching, or even maybe looking at something like educational psychology? It's something he could do alongside being a postman.

Andrewofgg · 26/10/2015 08:09

You're married to a man of sense and I say that as the son and brother of teachers (who both loved the work). Tell them to fuck off to the far side of fuck and then fuck off a bit further.

ilovesooty · 26/10/2015 08:16

My mother said the same when I left teaching.

BoyFromTheBigBadCity · 26/10/2015 11:50

Well done to your husband. I imagine getting the walking in every day is also going to be helping him. Your pil are awful.

Original poster
Dollymixtureyumyum · 28/10/2015 02:16

He trained as a mature student and did his Cert ed. he also did his degree as a mature students through the open university and supported himself.
Why he went into it after seeing what it did to his mum and dad I have no answer.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dollymixtureyumyum · 28/10/2015 02:17

He would def consider teaching students with learning difficulties such as dyslexia. He really enjoyed that part of the Job

OP posts:
Flum · 28/10/2015 03:05

Gosh, how awful for him to have hated his job so much and how nice to be able to move to something low stress and outdoorsy!

I always think teaching looks such a desperately exhausting career!

Good for him, the in laws will get over it.