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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To slap inlaws

64 replies

Dollymixtureyumyum · 25/10/2015 16:45

My husband after 3 years of hell, depression and anxiety has given up teaching. He qualified just over 4 years ago and since he finished his NQT years that he passed with flying colours it has been hell. I forget the number of times he has broken down crying.
Marking in the early hours 6 out of 7 nights a week
Having to use his own resources and money to make sure the kids had decent lessons.
Had lessons plans thrown out the window 5 or 6 times a week when he was put in a different class to cover.
Penalised for not stupid things such as not using IT in a practical gardening session and the worst one of all he was marked down a grade in a lesson by ofstead because one of his students did not turn up, this student had been run over and killed the day before!!!
Being attacked by students and on one case a parent and then having to teach the student the next day.
So he has now got a job as a postman, not as much money and we do need to cut back a bit but I have my happy husband back and I am proud he has had the strength to make the change.
My lovely inlaws have said he has let them down and they are now embarrassed to tell people what he does!!!!
So basicly they would rather have their son being a nervous wreak in a job they can brag about then have him happy
Now he feels like shit- Bastards bastards bastards

OP posts:

KoalaDownUnder · 28/10/2015 03:54

His parents are utter arseholes.

I know many teachers. I wouldn't be a teacher for all the tea in China.

Life is short. He should tell them to fuck off.

echt · 28/10/2015 06:56

Good on your DH, OP.

I jacked in a very shit teaching post about 20 years ago, one that had me in tears on many days. I was lucky to have someone like you to support me in my decision. (And the money, I must add).

As it happens, it was the place, not the job, and I was back in the saddle (elsewhere, on supply) within two months and in a promoted post (permanent) within a year.

All of this was well before the present administration that has made a hell-hole of what should be a noble calling. I teach in another country now, which whatever its shortcomings, is a paradise compared to the English experience.

Enough about me.

Your DH's parents are embarrassing twunts. Dismiss them from your minds with a haughty flourish.

Icedcrunch · 28/10/2015 09:15

A postman is a marvelous job. Mainly stress free and lots of walking in the fresh air...... Stupid inlaws, do they not realise he's probably adding years to his life with this job.

GruntledOne · 28/10/2015 09:50

Seriously, I would suggest he look into getting something like a specialist dyslexia teaching qualification. He could almost certainly pick up private tuition very easily and I suspect it would fit in quite well with postman hours.

helenahandbag · 28/10/2015 09:52

A postman is a marvelous job. Mainly stress free

Ha! You should listen to my DP talk about the hideous regulations being brought in by the brown-nosing jobsworth managers in his office, who talk at length about how the posties should do their jobs (being straight out of a business degree and having never posted a letter in their lives), they increase the size of each walk without increasing hours/pay then "secretly" follow the staff around in their own cars to time them, even during the hectic Christmas season. Then tell him it's mainly stress free

BathshebaDarkstone · 28/10/2015 09:57

YANBU, in fact I'll slap them for you. I hope your DH is enjoying his new job.

DinosaursRoar · 28/10/2015 10:35

Dolly - his degree isn't wasted, many people would employ him as a recent graduate on a graduate training scheme for a different industry - most require a degree, not a specialised one so he can use it for something other than teaching. Is there any other careers he's interested in, or even see if he could get on a graduate training scheme with the post office as he's already working for them.

I thinkthe question about why he decided on teaching after witnessing his parents go through stressful careers and early retirement is worth asking - does he think he can cope with more stress than he can? Did he, in some way, want to prove to be more able than them? Did he want a career they would 'value' and the only experience he had of a 'degree level job' was teaching?

It seems he made a very costly mistake - it took up a lot of time and resources from his family, the question of 'why' is important.

April2013 · 28/10/2015 11:48

Oh I'm so sorry, my in laws are exactly the same - my DH started his PGCE and quit it for similar reasons so kudos to your DH for going as far as he did, my in laws seem to think we have failed where as they have succeeded due to their big house and early retirement but tbh they are the failures in my eyes because they are so obsessed with material possessions to the detriment of just being accepting and kind, it pisses me off because I just don't get this competitive parenting shit - who cares what your income is if you are happier? The great thing is he is happier - it is rare to find a major life problem to be solved so simply. He is living the dream being a postman :) I have heard this is a fairly common transition - teacher to postman, it is just great he made the change now rather than putting up with any more hellish years. He has won at life and they are just ignorant.

redexpat · 28/10/2015 12:05

Tell them that they are the embarrassment.

holeinmyheart · 28/10/2015 20:48

I don't think the issue here is the teaching job, it is the reaction of his parents.
Their comments are cruel and uncalled for and truly unsupportive. They should be ashamed.
I can't imagine any decent Parent saying such a thing.

Haffdonga · 28/10/2015 21:19

Another ex teacher here. I managed ten years.

Those who haven't done the job (your PILs) can have absolutely no comprehension of the levels of stress experienced on a day to day basis by teachers. So tell your dh to take not the blindest bit of notice and carry on getting your lives back together.

Congratulations to you both.

TheSilveryPussycat · 28/10/2015 23:43

Well done to your DH. But please tell him to look after his back - my friend had to retire from being a postie in his late 50's - the carrying can take a long term toll.

Original poster

Dollymixtureyumyum · 28/10/2015 23:59

Thanks everyone.
I have suggested the tutoring Gruntled One and he is going to look into it :)

OP posts:

IjustGotmy2016diary · 29/10/2015 06:52

In regard to the dyslexia tutoring - if he enjoys the SEN aspect, has he considered looking at teaching in an SEN school or doing extra courses for those with autism etc.

I wanted to get a tutor for my son who has aspergers to help him with school work - not because he was struggling or even behind but more because he thought he was due to his anxiety with his condition.

I basically wanted a tutor who understood the emotional and anxiety side of ASD that then impacts on the learning within a class environment. So by getting him a little extra help at home he would have a more in depth understanding of what they are doing in class which would help lesson his anxieties around not being able to do it, which would mean he would grow in self confidence as he could do it.

Sorry if that doesn't make sense!

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