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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

God-bothering at work

456 replies

WhereToSheNow · 25/10/2015 15:40

New MD hired his buddy/neighbour 6 months ago for a few hours a week to act as a Management Consultant.

The Management Consultant, who we call "Pokey" (because he keeps jabbing us in the arm) has some sort of official capacity within the Baptist Church, and his website is all about the application of his faith within business.

I didn't have a problem with that, as he hadn't mentioned religion.... until last week.

He attended a "World Leadership Course" and emailed us his notes, with several quotes about God and Jesus, telling us to read them and "feel free to ask any questions". In a meeting the following day, he asked us what we thought of his email.

I told him that I don't want to be included in emails that reference any religion/god, at which point he became very defensive.

Later that day I received another email where he said that he was sorry if the contents of his previous email had offended me, but that he hoped I would gain some insight that would assist me in my professional or personal life.

AIBU to think that my work should a) be a secular space and b) my personal life is none of his business!

OP posts:
MadeMan · 25/10/2015 17:11

Grin @ 'boldify'.

Viviennemary · 25/10/2015 17:15

You aren't being U if he persists. But he's probably come back from a course which fired him up to conquer the world and convert everyone. I think it's worth treating it in a lighthearted way and say watch my lips I am not interested. To be fair it's the first time he's mentioned religion so I don't think it's worth going in with all guns blazing. But if it carries on then something will have to be said more formally. And as for this physical poking people. Say do you mind not doing that please in a very sharp voice. That just isn't on.

PeppaWellington · 25/10/2015 17:21

I would react to each and every poke with OUCH! and possibly bursting into tears and running from the room clutching my arm.

You will need to keep supplies of fake blood in the ladies. Wink

LoveAndHate · 25/10/2015 17:21

You have every right to ask not to be poked in the arm or for someone to stop talking about a certain subject that annoys you. I only hope your conversations at work are always fascinating to everyone.

I think you're just another God-hating Mumsnetter to be honest

NumbBlaseCold · 25/10/2015 17:22

He has no right to encroach into your space and poke you.

Tell him not to poke you and that he is crowding you.

He is VVU about the initial email and more so and patronising about the second.

I would ignore it and any others.

LoveAndHate · 25/10/2015 17:23

...and the fact that you haven't dealt with the arm-jabbing yet says a lot more about you than it does about him.

specialsubject · 25/10/2015 17:23

religious belief is a very personal thing. And should stay that way.

tell him to keep his hands to himself (in those exact words, loudly) and that his religion is his business and of absolutely no interest to you.

Flashbangandgone · 25/10/2015 17:25

I'm going against the grain here and think YABU regarding the religious bit, but YANBU regarding the poking bit.

It seems he sent you an email referencing God. You said you didn't appreciate it, and he apologised saying he had thought you might find it useful.... If that's it, then I think you're over-reacting, and all this stuff referencing HR is way over the top.... I seriously think we're beginning to lose our right to call ourselves a tolerant society if this how we rachet things up as soon as someone expresses a view that doesn't sit comfortably with our 'liberal consensus'. Just ignore and get on with stuff, accepting he has a different world view.... If he continues to persist when you've told him to stop though that becomes very different.... That would be God bothering and you would be reasonable to take matters further.

TalkinPeece · 25/10/2015 17:32

Contact ACAS
every employer is covered by them regardless, by law
watch the sky fall in on him

lorelei9 · 25/10/2015 17:33

OP, YANBU

Re the email, it sounds to me as if he was covering his back putting an apology in writing - partly. So I wouldn't mention that.

I would mention the jabbing, which is not on. And I would complain about any further references to religion. The workplace should be secular.

I'm wondering if you could contact the National Secular Society and see if they have any advice? I'm quite concerned as it sounds like the whole business this guy runs is based on religion and application to business. I would have a fit if it happened in my work place but small business have certain exemptions I think...? Is it possible that your work place is exempt from certain things?

DadOnIce · 25/10/2015 17:34

If he'd sent a work email all about invisible pink unicorns, or the leprechauns that live under his desk, people would think he was either being silly/jokey or had some sort of mental illness. It's no different banging on about god. It must surely be against the guidelines at work.

lorelei9 · 25/10/2015 17:36

Dad, either I've misunderstood or you have contradicted yourself...

if he sent an email about pink unicorns and people thought he was being silly or jokey, then I'm guessing no one would complain. So it is different than talking about god, particularly if he's actually been tasked with applying religious ideas to the workplace.

theycallmemellojello · 25/10/2015 17:37

God, I hope you're joking talkinpeece. I completely agree with flashbang. Involving hr at this stage is a massive overreaction. He hasn't been told the poking is a problem for you so has had no opportunity to put that right. And you've told him you don't want to talk about god, and he's apologised (albeit in an annoying way). By all means if he starts talking about god now you've told him not to then complain to higher ups. Same if he doesn't respond when you tell him not to poke you. But you can't decide that he's going to ignore your requests before it happens. And ffs please stop referring to him by a mean nickname behind his back. If he gets wind of it then it'll be you who's hauled up in front of hr.

FoxInTheDesert · 25/10/2015 17:39

Ok as much as I feel we should accept it when people have no interest in religious conversation, but contacting organizations for it? So what if his faith is the driving force in his life? It might make him better at his work, he just needs to be told in a respectful way when someone isn't interested in knowing. You have done so, he apologized in a way that is his way probably to do so. Let it rest. Just tell him to stop poking you. I wonder why anyone has left it so long.

SuburbanRhonda · 25/10/2015 17:39

Just ignore and get on with stuff, accepting he has a different world view

Did you read the OP's post about him sitting practically on top of her? How can she ignore that and get on with her work? And why should she have to wait for him to do it a second time before she complains? This is inappropriate behaviour; once is more than enough.

Lweji · 25/10/2015 17:40

I don't think it's an overreaction.
Using work email to push a personal religion is not on to start with. It doesn't need a request not to send any.
Instead he should have asked her first if she wanted her to.

The same with poking. Physical aggression of any kind has no place at work. The OP shouldn't need to tell him to stop. He simply shouldn't have done it to start with.

Original poster
WhereToSheNow · 25/10/2015 17:41

Suburban you get it, thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
WhereToSheNow · 25/10/2015 17:43

as do you Lweji

OP posts:
BelindaBagwash · 25/10/2015 17:44

YANBU at all. I go to church and we are told we should evangelise at every opportunity. So I am meant to pester people at work, the gym, choir etc etc and tell them they should some along to church.

I would NEVER do this and hate if anyone else does it, If people want to go to church, they can go along to some till they find one they like.

lieselvontwat · 25/10/2015 17:44

I think OPs point was that he shouldn't have been sending her stuff about religion at work in the first place flashbang. Which he shouldn't. It's got nothing to do with her work, and it's also not his place to be commenting on whether she might benefit from any 'insight' in her personal life. That's overstepping the line. OP is not overreacting in the slightest to feel as she does. It's not some gross illiberalism to, you know, expect a secular workplace to actually be secular.

With that said, I agree with previous posters that the email seemed to be a clumsy attempt at an apology. So while his behaviour was inappropriate, it would be best to leave it there and move on. Also it does sound like him and boss share a religious faith, so it's always possible the boss asked him to come in for that reason. In which case, the blame lies there too, but that would be an even better reason why it would be best to let it lie.

lorelei9 · 25/10/2015 17:44

theycallmemellojello "He hasn't been told the poking is a problem for you so has had no opportunity to put that right."

since when was touching people at work okay?!

lieselvontwat · 25/10/2015 17:46

Yeah, I'm not sure why it would be assumed that people are ok with being poked by random colleagues unless they say otherwise. Rebuttable presumption should be the other way, surely?

BoneyBackJefferson · 25/10/2015 17:50

LoveAndHate
...and the fact that you haven't dealt with the arm-jabbing yet says a lot more about you than it does about him.

Yes. it says that the op is scared of losing her job if she complains about her bosses mate.

I think you're just another God-hating Mumsnetter to be honest

and with fruitcakes like you about is it any wonder.

WhereToSheNow

Every time he tries to get close sneeze on him, if he complains say that he left you no room to get your handkerchief out.

LoveAndHate · 25/10/2015 17:55

Belinda, it is Christ Himself who commands you to spread the 'Good News'. If you are embarrassed of the Gospel or think this is too much of a stretch - you know...to talk about your saviour to friends - then I suggest you quit pretending to be a Christian.

I think the OP has started this thread knowing exactly how it would go down with her fellow predominantly-humanist/atheist MN audience. The jabbing is a red herring to make you hate the 'God-botherer' even more than you initially would.

I suppose none of you hysterical posters ever bore your colleagues to death about your kids/diet/C25K.

SuperFlyHigh · 25/10/2015 17:58

I'd mention to him re not liking the poking and God bothering - in a polite way. If that didn't work then HR route.

I did have a contractor when I wa a PA at an architects get v friendly with me and told me about his Mormon religion. When we met up for lunch once (we had a group site visit and I'd worked on site for 3 months in a different city) he gave me a Mormon bible... before he'd told me about what Mormons do, where his teenage Mormon daughters went out etc. I was a bit Confused re the Bible gift. He was also confused I think when contacting me as his wife was ill with cancer etc... he told me she'd had an affair before the cancer but he took her back. I soon put a stop to our emails after the Bible gift as I wasn't interested and I had a partner anyway, we were just friends beforehand though.