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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

God-bothering at work

456 replies

WhereToSheNow · 25/10/2015 15:40

New MD hired his buddy/neighbour 6 months ago for a few hours a week to act as a Management Consultant.

The Management Consultant, who we call "Pokey" (because he keeps jabbing us in the arm) has some sort of official capacity within the Baptist Church, and his website is all about the application of his faith within business.

I didn't have a problem with that, as he hadn't mentioned religion.... until last week.

He attended a "World Leadership Course" and emailed us his notes, with several quotes about God and Jesus, telling us to read them and "feel free to ask any questions". In a meeting the following day, he asked us what we thought of his email.

I told him that I don't want to be included in emails that reference any religion/god, at which point he became very defensive.

Later that day I received another email where he said that he was sorry if the contents of his previous email had offended me, but that he hoped I would gain some insight that would assist me in my professional or personal life.

AIBU to think that my work should a) be a secular space and b) my personal life is none of his business!

OP posts:

SwedishEdith · 25/10/2015 16:24

Yes, start wearing this

Skiptonlass · 25/10/2015 16:26

Lawsuit waiting to happen ... :)

herecomesthsun · 25/10/2015 16:26

Further to that, My DH (who is in fact the son of a vicar and goes to church) has a great T shirt that says "666, the Neighbour of the Beast". We think it is amusing but a similar one might also suggest to your colleague that you'd rather not be evangelised, in a humorous way ?

TwoInTheMourning · 25/10/2015 16:26

YANBU in the slightest. Your new MD must have known what/who he was bringing into the organisation though so is he a God bothered too?

herecomesthsun · 25/10/2015 16:27

Cross posted with the Godless heathen pendant...

Italiangreyhound · 25/10/2015 16:31

WhereToSheNow do you work in a totally secular place? I am a Christian and work in a Christian organisation so I would expect such emails. In your shoes I would feel it was inappropriate.

I would make sure he knew poking me in the arm was not acceptable. A good old fashioned "Don't do that, I don't like it." And complain if it continues.

If it is part of your job to read what he send out then I personally think you should read it but you certainly are not obliged to have this as part of your personal life.

If you like your job try and find some way to let your boss know how this emailing/personal life/poking in the arm stuff is not helpful and not conducive to a good working environment.

Original poster

WhereToSheNow · 25/10/2015 16:32

So would it be ok if I said I don't want to be touched/poked at work, and that I don't want to hear about God and/or Jesus? I'm scared of getting in trouble

OP posts:

SwedishEdith · 25/10/2015 16:33

That is all totally reasonable. I'd start keeping copies of the emails though. Just in case.

ethelb · 25/10/2015 16:35

I work for an Anglican Foundation and we wouldn't put up with this shit. The religious aspect of it is, obviously the basis for the existance of the charity, but kept quite separate. We have a separate church team and optional courses on the Christian nature of the organisation and links with the church. The body of staff is pretty ecumenical (similar in diversity to local orgs) and the only point at which it comes up is you have to state if you are 'comfortable with the Christian ethos of the organisation, which is rooted in social justice in the Christian tradition'.
I have never received an email mentioning anything vaugely religious unless it related specifically to a chuch-related aspect of our work.

This behaviour is highly unreasonable and he could be accused of discrimination or harassment if he is not careful.

Italiangreyhound · 25/10/2015 16:37

So would it be ok if I said I don't want to be touched/poked at work, and that I don't want to hear about God and/or Jesus? I'm scared of getting in trouble

Are you joking? (Sorry can't tell). Of course you should not be poked at work. Say something next time it happens and make it clear it is unnaccenbtle. If he says you never said something before than just say you were embarrassed to say as he was so rude to do it (that's what I woudl say to explain putting up with it). unless there is another reason you put up with it - e.g. he is boss's friend.

in terms of the emails are they necessary for your work. If your boss has employed someone to do some work with the team and he has allowed him to send email that mention God I am just not sure if it is OK to say you won't read them at all. But if you feel strongly talk to the boss. But totally he does not have the right to talk about how this will impact your personal life.

MadeMan · 25/10/2015 16:38

What does he do during these 'few hours a week' anyway?

Apart from piss everyone off.

MrsBartlettforthewin · 25/10/2015 16:40

wheretoshenow it'd be one thing if you'd shown an interest and asked for some notes/ insight into his faith but you haven't. I'm a Christian and those I work closest with know it but I don't force my views on them. If they want to chat about it I'm very willing but other than that I don't 'God bother' them. Though have pointed out in the past to an old HOD department that I found his comments about the holy trinity inappropriate and insulting to my faith.
You wouldn't be out of line to raise this as making you uncomfortable especially if you have already asked him not to include you in those emails.

Lweji · 25/10/2015 16:41

Yes, if he doesn't stop after a verbal request, I'd start by sending an email to him and MD (and anyone else relevant if he doesn't stop) stating that I don't want to receive religious emails at work, nor be physically touched (poked). That I don't feel comfortable with it and it's a right that assists you.

MadeMan · 25/10/2015 16:44

Next time he pokes you, slap him with a wet fish; the old Facebook way!

Lweji · 25/10/2015 16:46

www.gov.uk/workplace-bullying-and-harassment

FoxInTheDesert · 25/10/2015 16:47

I am Muslim, my religion is part of my life, influences pretty much everything I do in my life and my ethics, and I like to share and I like it even more if someone asks. But I work with people who are, albeit not the same as mine, religious so as much as I am happy to share, I am happy to listen to someone else's beliefs as well, whether I agree with it or not. They will probably disagree with me on things as well. However, there are people I would not discuss it with because I know they don't really want to know. I would not email anyone and if someone would respectfully tell me they are not interested in knowing I'd not talk to them about it again. But then at the same time I don't need to hear about people's drunk weekends and other shenanigans. Best is just to stick to shop talk, but if there is mutual interest why not. I do believe the guy here crossed a line.

AcrossthePond55 · 25/10/2015 16:47

I'd say you're well within your rights to politely say that you don't want him to poke/touch you. Next time he does it, just move your arm abruptly and say "Please don't do that".

As far as his proselytizing, since the (inappropriate) email, have there been any other religious emails/staff meetings/whatever? If not, I'd just take the email as an awkward apology along the lines of "Sorry, but I thought I was helping" and let it go. If so, I'd speak to him privately, in person, and tell him it must stop or you will speak to the boss.

I'm a Christian and I feel it's inappropriate to proselytize in the workplace. If you want to 'advertise' your religion, then live according to it's tenets, which for most religions is the 'Golden Rule', and let people come to you.

FoxInTheDesert · 25/10/2015 16:53

Oh and to add, I'd be very much peeved if a make colleague would be getting physical with me. Not that I welcome physical business from women, but pokey men. Yuk. Men here in my neck of the woods, or sand really, would be in so much trouble for this, it's just not accepted and it shouldn't be accepted anywhere. I like the wet fish slap idea. Creep.

Original poster

WhereToSheNow · 25/10/2015 16:57

I can't get away from him when he pokes me, he sits very close and wedges me into my working space. Loving all the posts from mnetters who have a faith and still say that he is being unreasonable

OP posts:

Italiangreyhound · 25/10/2015 16:57

WhereToSheNow sorry for my 'are you joking' comment, I was just confused. I thought it was just understood work colleagues could not 'poke' you.

Original poster

WhereToSheNow · 25/10/2015 17:01

Italian

OP posts:

theycallmemellojello · 25/10/2015 17:02

Well if he persists yanbu, but I'd give him a chance. He might not bring it up again, and if not then I don't think you've got much to complain about. And calling him names behind his back with colleagues is just as unprofessional as anything he's done. Just ask him not to touch your arm.

FoxInTheDesert · 25/10/2015 17:05

If you want to 'advertise' your religion, then live according to it's tenets, which for most religions is the 'Golden Rule', and let people come to you.

I say Ameen to that!

FoxInTheDesert · 25/10/2015 17:06

Sorry that was quoted from Across, don't know how to boldify it!

Original poster

WhereToSheNow · 25/10/2015 17:10

I have no idea what the "Golden Rule" is and why should the onus be on me to find out?

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