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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

People who tell the most awful lies for no reason

73 replies

bodenbiscuit · 25/10/2015 01:22

Someone I know told me they were involved in a bad car accident - that their car was written off and about the injuries they had suffered. I was very sympathetic.

Now I've found out the entire story was fabricated. Why do people do things like this? To lie is one thing but to make something like that up is really horrible.

OP posts:

Original poster

bodenbiscuit · 25/10/2015 01:26

I am beginning to think this person may be a sociopath. It reminds me of someone I knew in a professional capacity who was said to be a pathological liar.

OP posts:

Senpai · 25/10/2015 01:32

People do all sorts of shitty things. You'll do your own head in wondering why. Just don't associate with them if you can help it.

AgentZigzag · 25/10/2015 01:55

That's a pretty big one though isn't it? And you gave them what they were after, sympathy.

(I'm just guessing but) maybe they want that sympathy because they like a drama where they're in the middle getting 'positive' attention? Or because they don't like who they are/way people respond to them normally and prefer to rely on the lies and sympathy as dependable reactions? (ie life's unpredictable but the responses to 'I've been in a trauma' aren't).

Nothing really to do with what you're talking about, but this thread on white lies spiraling out of control is revealing as well as fucking funny.

nearlyhadenough · 25/10/2015 07:59

My husband is a compulsive liar. He doesn't seem to be able to stop -even when he is told that he is not believed.

I think he has serious issues from a traumatic childhood, but he cannot see he is doing anything wrong.

His biggest lie was about a year ago when he told me that he had lung cancer. He seems to have made a miraculous recovery.....

Shakey15000 · 25/10/2015 08:02

nearly and you're still with him???

My EX was also a compulsive liar about the most ridiculous, outlandish things. I ran for the hills.

Shakirasma · 25/10/2015 08:07

Having been on the receiving end of a so called friend's lies about having cancer, which she dragged out for over nine month before be were able to conclusively catch her out, during which time she made out her family (several miles away) had all but abandoned her and we were all she had, putting my marriage under enormous strain whilst she faked evidence of having had chemo and surgeries, I can only conclude that such people are UTTER CUNTS!

DonkeyOaty · 25/10/2015 08:07

My SIL, not such "bad" things as on here but yeah; lies lies lies. All bollox. No not true, it's not all bollox, but is exhausting sifting conversations for veracity iyswim.

Bloody hell Nearly.

batshitlady · 25/10/2015 08:10

Bloody hell nearly. He needs professional help by the sound of it.

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes · 25/10/2015 08:13

I know someone who told everyone he worked with his sister died in a car crash and he had no money for flowers for her funeral.

Obviously everyone handed over whatever cash they had.

He came in the next day with a new phone he'd bought...

Birdsgottafly · 25/10/2015 08:14

They won't be a Sociopath.

They may have a Perdonality Disorder, or they may be very manipulative, it would take months to get a diagnosis.

I was a CP SW, I saw the effects of Emotional Abuse (as well as other abuse) and also Attachment Disorders. As well as having to have researched them for my BA and I also work with Psychologists, so have been able to discuss Disorders. All of these can cause "odd" or damaging behaviour.

I don't like the judgement put on people with PDs, or the hatred sometimes directed towards them.

But there are lots of reasons why people do things, all you can do is protect yourself.

Shakey15000 · 25/10/2015 08:20

It's nigh on impossible to not judge when someone's been on the receiving end of whopping lies. When someone's invested heavily to support, be it their time or (worse) emotions.

LookingUpAtTheStars · 25/10/2015 08:22

My brother is a compulsive liar, probably due to our less than ideal childhood but my sister and I don't feel the need to bullshit our way through life.

He also feels that the world owes him.

Shakirasma · 25/10/2015 08:29

What Shakey said ^

F0xglove · 25/10/2015 08:32

I think it's linked to low self-esteem. Like, they can't believe that their personality, if they can even identify that in a relaxed state; listening sometimes, contributing sometimes, reflecting, contemplating.... they can't understand how that could be enough to offer because who they are and what they are feels so hard to pin down, to themselves. so they generate drama, news, excitement...............

I know a woman like this and she is fairly happily married I believe. Although once, somebody mentioned her perforated bowel in front of her husband and he looked surprised. Maybe not that surprised though. Just kind of, 'what?', then, 'okaaay'

I was in an abusive relationship and I didn't come out of it telling lies, but the trauma I was suffering did leak out in other ways. I had begun to shop lift. I was so thin. Others might end up relying too heavily on alcohol or food or something. So I agree with birdsgottafly wrt the intention not to judge too much if possible.

UmbongoUnchained · 25/10/2015 08:34

I'm a compulsive liar when I drink alcohol, which is why I am now tee total! Fine when I'm sober, just a completely different person when I've had a drink.

CadleCrap · 25/10/2015 08:34

I used to work with someone who told whoppers like going to New York to run the marathon on a weekend when it wasn't even on. Getting kidnapped on honey moon by a taxi driver because she had blonde hair. No idea why she did it as it certainly didn't impress anyone as we could all see through the lies. In the end, we never believed a word she said even if it was true. She left, probabbly to ensure she had a new audience.

VashtaNerada · 25/10/2015 08:34

A friend of a friend who is a transwoman apparently claims to have miscarriages all the time (although that's physically impossible for her). It just makes me sad as it's presumably a manifestation of her upset that she can't actually get pregnant. If it was someone close to me (particularly if I'd just had a MC) I'd be pretty pissed off though.

Bastardshittits · 25/10/2015 08:35

I have an acquaintance who just spouts lies constantly. I think she is actually quite unwell as she did live in Spain but her parents retrieved her back home.

You can say anything and she will fabricate a lie around it. She was at a mutual friends house when she leaned over at a funny angle to pick something up. I said something along the lines of ' careful - mind your back' and she went into great detail about how supple she was after spending 12yrs with the National Ballet as a Prima Ballerina. Bearing in mind she was 25 yrs old at the time and worked in a fruit and veg shop.

Another time she managed to convince another friend that she was a qualified landscape gardener. She turned up, butchered her pampas grass, tore up all the flowers and left!

It is terrifying and fascinating how it all just trips off her tongue. I don't think confronting her would change anything.

F0xglove · 25/10/2015 08:38

PS, I do agree you need to protect yourself by not getting drawn up in it all though. There was a part of my personality that was damaged when I first that woman I mentioned. For me the damage manifested itself in my 'desire' to put her straight, stop her lying, make her behave, make her see. But luckily I tore myself away from her drama. Now that I'm better, more self-aware and stronger, I recognise that that desire I had years and years ago to set her straight was coming from my own damaged place. I just let her be her now. I can see that she has a good heart but low self-esteem. Hope that makes sense.

This woman was just a friend of a friend, friendLY acquaintance btw. I know it'd be different if she was a sister or a closer friend

Cocolepew · 25/10/2015 08:42

I work with a pathological liar, the things she comes out with are just ridiculous. And it's constant.
I honestly think once shes said it she believes its actually happened, she nearly got me the sack due to telling a lie about me.

babymouse · 25/10/2015 08:43

I have a colleague that lies all day long. Part of the reason she does it is that she is an absolute drama queen - she thrives on positive and negative attention. I'm guessing it has something to do with a childhood trauma, but am not exactly sure. It's not easy to separate the truth from the lies.

It's difficult to be sympathetic to her, so I do my best to ignore her now...

CadleCrap · 25/10/2015 08:46

I wonder if these are the same people who troll with emotional sagas?

ComposHatComesBack · 25/10/2015 08:59

I work with a woman who tells the most ridiculous lies - she was having her toes amputated on her day off but was walking around with no ill-effect the day after her supposed operation or he had been a hostage negotiator for the Police, when we have several ex-coppers who knew of her and knew she was an administration worker. The sort of things that if a six year old told you, you'd tell them to stop talking nonsense, but this is a woman in her early 60s.

I used to feel quite sorry for her, but it emerged that she used her lies to bully and frighten people. A much younger member of staff found out her mum had cancer and was in bits about it. She made a beeline to her to tell her about a friend who had the same type of cancer as the young woman's mother and was dead in a fortnight. Later when the cancer was in remission she took great delight in telling our colleague about another made up friend whose cancer had returned just after getting the all clear.

ahbollocks · 25/10/2015 09:13

Definitely sounds like someone I know.
This woman has not been raped, has a miscarriage, been groomed as a child, been bullied, bullied at work, traumatised by a scar on her face, has a rare skin condition, attacked by her own dog, been sacked, received counselling for depression and anxiety, is on anti depressents, has an alcoholic mother etc etc etc all in the past 9 months.
I know that none of these things have happened. Sometimes I will sit and listen to her tell a totally bizarre story to someone when she has told me a different version the week before.
Tbh I think she is bored and lonely but she doesn't grasp that tellkng lies about these things means that someone who is truly suffering may well not be believed.

Stanky · 25/10/2015 09:14

I've known a few people like this. The scariest thing is that they convince and believe themselves.

Years ago, my db had a very brief relationship with a woman. It didn't work out, and she was v upset when he broke it off with her, and he did try his best to let her down gently. She then invented a pregnancy, and I knew that she was lying. Just alarm bells, or instinct, but I just knew it wasn't true. My poor db gave her the benefit of the doubt, and said that he would always be there to support his child, but he still didn't want to be in a relationship with her. The time line didn't add up, and all of a sudden she was going to scans without him, making excuses why he couldn't be there, and was told she was having twins. No evidence or scan photos. When she realised, that none of this was really getting the responses she wanted, she had a miscarriage. Nothing added up all along, and there was no doubt in my mind that this whole thing was fake, and emotional blackmail. My db did believe her, because he would never have believed that somebody was capable of those sorts of lies.

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