People who tell the most awful lies for no reason

[bodenbiscuit]

Someone I know told me they were involved in a bad car accident - that their car was written off and about the injuries they had suffered. I was very sympathetic.

Now I've found out the entire story was fabricated. Why do people do things like this? To lie is one thing but to make something like that up is really horrible.

And there's a guy at my work who has a helicopter pad at his house, and a coffee table made out of a F1 racing car. He's best mates with all kinds of movie stars. He's in his 60s, and if you've been to the moon, then he's been twice. Very strange.

Sociopaths are pathological liars though - it's one of the things they do. Birds - although it is not someone's fault if they had a bad childhood I think people tend to respond negatively to others who seem to go through life with the deliberate intention to cause chaos in the lives of others. As you say, personality disorders are rarely diagnosed anyway.

What is attachment disorder?

A girl at school was like this. She told everyone her family had been killed in a car crash and got lots of sympathy. Turns out the poor kid had been taken into care as her stepfather had broken her arm.

Unfortunately I went to a shitty school where she got bugger all support. I hope she's ok now.

It is damage that occurs when you don't get the responsive care you need as a baby to the point that it affects your brain's development and your ability to form relationships.

I have a colleague who lies constantly. But they're not big whoppers, just silly little things - often health related.

I'm exasperated but fascinated at the same time. He's really odd and has, I think, Asperger's, not that that is related.

If I wanted to, I could catch him out on his lies all the time. But I pity him, so I don't.

My first serious relationship was with a compulsive liar. In the end, I realised he had a personality disorder. The problem (for me) was that I took everything he said at face value and believed it. Most of the lies were to impress, make himself look good or deflect blame his own bad behaviour.

Over time though, more and more things didn't add up, and by the end I just couldn't believe anything he said.

The rest of his family were fairly normal, so I don't know how be managed to turn out that way.

I also knew someone who claimed to have cervical cancer. It was around the time that her marriage was breaking down and I think she'd had an abnormal pap smear, so the took that story and ran with it. Of course it wasn't too long before the story was exposed as a lie and she had to have a 'breakdown' to explain her inexcusable lies.

These days I'm much more cynical when I hear fantastic stories.

A family member of mine made up a completely different life to everybody. She was eventually diagnosed with MH issues.

I have an ex who lied about having cancer, getting caught up with high profile crime gangs and having family celebrity connections. It was all ridiculously outrageous and not even well fabricated. He was adopted and I expect it was related to some kind of attachment disorder. But I stopped putting much effort into trying to figure it out and was just happy to cut my losses.

My XH's best friend was a hilariously bad compulsive liar.

Monday: "Lets go out at the weekend- I'll pick you up in my new BMW- It's my treat to myself after promotion".

Weekend:
"Sorry- can't pick you up, some bastard stole my car, and it had my wallet in the glove box. Shit- they better not max out my Gold Card!"

He was 19 and worked in Kwik Save

I have and have had a few people in my life who are outrageous liars. One of them I would say has a personality disorder as her lying is hand in hand with behaviours that are deliberately extremely damaging to others - she's quite dangerous and will stop at nothing to get what she wants. She has lied about everything from rape to cancer, spread terrible lies about others (including branding an entirely innocent chap as a convicted child molester - he was working abroad and she told everyone he was in prison for child abuse - yes really) and caused more than one person to lose their job. She's mad, bad and dangerous to know, so eventually anyone with any sense gets out of her orbit.

The other one is just weird. She's a successful professional person with no apparent need to lie, but crikey she tells whoppers. She often lies about things that are easily proven too - lies that are embarrassingly incompetent iyswim, that make the listener squirm on her behalf, like "I've been invited to the royal wedding but I can't go cos I'm washing my hair" type of thing. Everyone knows she does it and for some reason none of us pulls her up, we just awkwardly change the subject .

These things can get extremely out of hand, when you look at cases like the Shannon Matthews kidnapping hoax. :(

I try and show sympathy it can not be easy to always feel the need to lie but it can be hard and impossible at times when lies hurt others

Many different reasons why attention, personality disorder, attachment issues and difficulty dealing with issues in their life it's easier to live another life and for some it is to manipulate others sometimes to fool them other times to gain sympathy or attention.

I have known a few people who lie for the sake of it when there has been no manipulation or trying to hide something this I find really baffling

A sociopath will have many many other traits constant lying might be one of them

We had one in our social circle who was like this. Very manipulative, always telling lies about people to play them off against each other. She was also always falling out with people but when telling us the story, it was always the other person's fault, she had been innocently trying to help them and it was thrown back in her face etc. Once the penny finally dropped though, it makes you doubt everything that has ever been said.

Half of us have backed away from here and it has caused a kind of rift, as we don't want to be tell-tales to the ones who haven't realised yet. Meanwhile she is telling lies to them about us, and why we're backing off.

And surprise, surprise she has cancer now. You feel hateful for thinking it, but most of us don't believe her, especially as she seems to be practically revelling in it. She shaved her head for the 'chemo' stage, wears a cannula in her arm all the time, and constantly tells us how her cheerfulness and positive outlook are an inspiration to others. I've never known anyone be so delighted at having a life-threatening disease.

I used to have a desire to expose her lies, but life is so relaxed and drama-free without her that I'm happy just to be out of it, and I think that's all anyone can do.

Back away, refute the lies if asked, always tell the truth when asked, and respond to anything they say with 'Really?" Just don't get involved.

I work with a compulsive liar. His lies range from made up facts to out and out personal lies about himself and his family.

He caught me out a couple of times in my first couple of months, now I just employ the nod and smile tactic. Oddly he speaks to me a lot less now as he's realised I won't entertain him like one of my children.

I don't know what his motivation/the root cause is, but he's been called out by lots of people several times and still does it, so there's obviously something a bit wrong going on in his head.

There are a lot of people who lie about having cancer or their child having cancer. They even manage to infiltrate areas where people who really do have cancer, or their child, go for support.

The guy who stared in the film Rabbit Hole lied and pretended to be a bereaved parent and went to meetings and groups for people who really did lose their child.

There are a lot of douchebag excuses for people out there.

I have never met an adult who did this.

However, as a child I would make things up to feel part of whatever was happening, or to get attention.

I had very little self esteem and had a rocky start in life as the child of a catholic teenager whose parents pretended they'd adopted me as a companion for their own baby. I don't think I was picked up often, until mum finally had the courage to leave with me at age 3.

As an adoptive parent of a child with attachment issues, I can see that I almost definitely had them too. If I hadn't met DH, I don't know where I'd be now.

I didn't think my lies affected other people, and I actually convinced myself that most of them were true.

I know someone like this, she tells lies and makes up stories constantly. Things like: being chased by terrorists, almost being kidnapped by dangerous criminals, always being approached by headhunters from major firms desperate for her talents, saving a plane from hijackers (one of my favs), delivering a baby on a train and saving the mother from bleeding to death (she's not a medic), the list goes on. I would be very wary of her though as she tells awful lies about people too. I tend to avoid her these days as I think she's protentially very dangerous.

I know two teenagers who do this - both have been in the care system and then adopted. It has made life very difficult for their adopted parents - yes they do totally believe their own lies too.

The thing they have in common is heavy alcohol use by their birth mothers while pregnant. One of them, my DN, recently reconnected with her birth family and when we were talking about cravings during pregnancy told me that her BM told her she had craved cheese and white wine when expecting her. . The lies all suddenly began to make sense as we knew from our friend's experience with her adopted ds that exposure to alcohol in utero can have this effect. Not badly enough to cause FAS but enough to do damage.

DN is now living with us because her relationship with dsis has broken down and she and one of her older birth siblings are evidently "going to get a flat together in London soon". It's heartbreaking to watch the web of fantasy she weaves about herself.

We do need to protect ourselves when dealing with people who do this - but my eyes have really been opened as to the reasons why it might happen .

One of my colleagues is a compulsive liar. I never really react to all the bollocks he spouts as it's either telling me how rich he is or about bizarre traumatic events. I was asked to work with him to help calm him down a little and because I'm very patient. So I've heard more of these stories than most of my colleagues.

From putting bits together other people have mentioned it seems a couple of the traumatic things are true and the rest are totally made up. He's obviously been through some really horrendous stuff and if telling lies is how he needs to cope right now I'm not going to call him out.

But because I never give him the reaction he wants to his fantasy life he now is very off with me. It's not easy to know how to handle these kinds of people. I just hope he's able to heal with time.