Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

People who tell the most awful lies for no reason

73 replies

bodenbiscuit · 25/10/2015 01:22

Someone I know told me they were involved in a bad car accident - that their car was written off and about the injuries they had suffered. I was very sympathetic.

Now I've found out the entire story was fabricated. Why do people do things like this? To lie is one thing but to make something like that up is really horrible.

OP posts:
LyTinWheedle · 25/10/2015 16:58

My mother is a compulsive liar, it's horrible to be around (so I try not to be around it too much). Recently I had a call from a family member whose mother had been to visit my parents, she was devastated to hear that I was in a wheelchair and wanted to give me some support. Once my jaw was back off the floor and I'd done a quick jog on the spot to make sure I was actually upright like normal I had to explain that there may have been a little exaggeration going on. Well, a massive leap from having a bit of arthritis to being a young woman in a wheel chair. FFS Hmm.

Asteria36 · 25/10/2015 17:22

DH's ex is the master of lies, she has a personality disorder and I would actually feel sorry for her if it wasn't for her wanton destruction of dh and their dc. She even went to the extent of cutting out literally every single mutual friend so there was no one to call out the post marriage bullshit tales that she was peddling to her new partner.
DSS was having breathing problems with us so we took him to an emergency appt with our Dr. The instruction was for him to use an inhaler and see his GP for referral on return. We were told that his GP said nothing was wrong and that we were overreacting - it turned out that she never took him! She also "sold" when she found out that we were taking her to court to stop her withholding contact unless DH complied to some outrageous demands. She is still driving it a year later due to the generosity of the person she sold it to Hmm but managed to dodge the 50/50 transportation of the children for contact! The list is endless and the waves of lies are constant. Unbelievably tedious...

Asteria36 · 25/10/2015 17:24

Oops - typo! Sold her car

flanjabelle · 25/10/2015 20:12

My friend is a terrible liar and I can't work out why. She recently told me she has lost 2 and a half stone, although she clearly hasn't lost anywhere near that much. She told me she is working full time when she isn't. she told me her dd goes to a child minder, even though she doesn't. She told me she lost 13lbs on a fad diet, but she only lost 3 (it popped up on a Fb thing she was saying to someone else). I can't see why she lies like this. She lied about when someone's wedding was (I don't even know the person, I can't work this one out at all.) I have never made her feel as though I would like her any less for the truth of any of these things. It's as if she just can't tell the truth at all and tbh I am really reconsidering whether I want to be friends with her anymore. They are stupid lies, but there are so many of them. Lying is a horrible trait.

obviouslyIvenamechanged · 25/10/2015 22:27

As name suggests, I've obviously namechanged:

I used to do this. As a teenager, I built up a huge web of lies to my friends, my parents, everyone really. None of it was about anything hugely important, although in my alternative reality I had better friends, and more male attention than in real life.

It all unravelled a bit when one group of friends met another group at a party and discovered they knew different 'versions' of me iyswim. Mortifying for me but they were actually mostly really kind about it.

Since then, I've never done anything like that. But the urge is still there. It's almost like I go to tell someone a story, and an 'alternative' version pops ready-formed into my head, in which the events were a bit funnier/ more outlandish/ just generally better than real life, and it's hard to cut that out when I know it'll get a better reaction, and stick to mundanity.

I work very hard at not lying now, but it literally comes as naturally as breathing. With DH in particular I try absolutely never to lie, but even with him I occasionally have to go back to him and say 'You know what I said earlier about xyz, well it actually happened this way...' He knows how easily I lie, but trusts me to always tell him and he never flips out at me, so I always do go back and tell him the truth if the 'wrong' version of a story has slipped out. I'd never go back and correct myself with anyone else though, as it would sound too weird. I just try not to do it in the first place and if I do then I have to remember.

I think it helps I have an almost exact memory for conversations, so bar the random friends meeting accident have never been caught out. I don't know why I do this. Possible hypotheses:

1.I come from a long line of bletherers. My Mum and her family are extraordinary raconteurs and definitely all embroider stories that then improve with the telling. I've never noticed or caught any of them in an outright lie though.

2.My parents were in some ways exceptionally strict growing up, and early on I learned it was easier to lie and do stuff anyway than tell the truth and inevitably not be allowed. Therefore skills were honed from an early age. It makes me determined never to be that strict with my own DS.

  1. I'm just broken.

This is not a characteristic I like in myself, at all, and I do make quite a lot of effort to control it. I think in a way it's almost like being an alcoholic though - I get a sort of 'buzz' from a lie - partly peoples' reactions, partly not being caught, and partly just that the lies are almost always so much more aesthetically pleasing, for want of a better way of putting it, than reality. I have to try to avoid doing it totally, or I get caught in the buzz, not to mention the necessity of maintaining lies once they are started, and it just sort of snowballs.

Anyway - after that essay - I shall sidle off...

VashtaNerada · 25/10/2015 22:46

That was very interesting obviously and brave of you to share it! I think it's really nice that you're able to admit to DH afterwards.

TyrannosaurusBex · 25/10/2015 22:51

I had a lodger who claimed to have AIDS. I was really sympathetic and even went to my GP to find out whether there was anything I could do beyond the obvious to safeguard against infection etc, but I smelled a rat when my doctor asked questions that I had to ask my lodger to answer - he was completely clueless about the condition. And shortly after that I met his long-dead mother working in a stationery shop...

F0xglove · 25/10/2015 23:51

wow. that's a really strange lie.

Damselindestress · 26/10/2015 10:17

I had an ex who was like that when I was younger. Claimed to be an amateur race driver as a hobby but strangely never invited me to watch any races and I would have been interested. Also said he'd been in various dramatic car crashes before we met and needed surgery but didn't have any scars. After I left him he claimed to have got this glamourous job testing race cars in another country, naturally when I saw him round town after he was supposed to have left it had been rescheduled. It's sad because he was an unemployed stoner who still lived with his parents and was obviously trying to make himself sound more interesting but I would have been more impressed if he'd actually made an effort to improve his life instead of just inventing a new one.

MrsJayy · 26/10/2015 10:25

I have worked with people who lie even when you know they are not telling the truth it astounds me that people just tell whoppers its usually a barrier or self presevation situation im quite cynical tbh and try and not get sucked in.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 26/10/2015 11:40

I have a friend like this who I think embellishes the truth a little. Claims to have this fantastic new job and then never mentions it again. Knows famous people in London and then never mentions them again. Has wealthy relatives. And then never mentions them again. My other friend says she has a Walter Mitty thing going on, always trying to impress people and living in a bit of a fantasy land. She's a nice girl too, she doesn't need to do it.

StrictlyMumDancing · 26/10/2015 14:06

I have a now X DFr and DSis who both do this. In both cases it seems to be down to the need to engender sympathy in people so the people they're lying to can't leave them. Plus I think they keep being left by friends and partners because of some aspect of their personality, but they don't seem to realise that the relationships were formed on the basis of who they pretended to be and not who they actually were. They are often extremely hurt by the leavers without the realisation that the leavers feel exceptionally wounded by their lies. But its so ingrained in them that they don't seem to realise they are telling these lies. Its all a small grain of truth blown wildly out of proportion.

lolaflores · 26/10/2015 15:22

I know a person who over blows everything but who is also a malicious gossip. The thing is, she is very "sticky". Wants to spend lots of time with me and my daughter whilst regaling me with things I "shouldn't tell anyone I told you this" sort of stuff then bowls merrily along with tales of shocking carry on altogether. The last episode left me feeling soiled in honesty. I am finding myself very busy indeed during this midterm break....

99percentchocolate · 26/10/2015 19:32

I met a woman a few months ago who I became friendly with. Within a couple of months she faked a miscarriage (I caught her out in her lie). A couple of months after that she told me she had ovarian cancer but the details didn't make much sense. A week later she told someone else a completely different story IN FRONT OF ME and didn't seem to feel awkward about it or anything. She also told me lots of other things that I thought weren't true, but those were the only two I caught her out on. A few weeks after that I caught her in two smaller lies and when I called her out on one of them she lost her temper with me. Haven't spoken to her since and I feel so much better for it. I wish I'd never met her.

99percentchocolate · 26/10/2015 19:33

And in her case it was an attention thing - nothing more.

whois · 26/10/2015 19:40

On my 'gap yah' there was a boy who was a compulsive liar. To start with I just thought he had a lot of good stories, or maybe slightly exaggerated, but he just spiralled and spiralled in what he would say.

He 100% beloved what he was saying though, it was so strange. One time he told the group about something that had happened when we were together (which DIDN'T happen) think like "a tiger jumped right out at us" type of story. Anyway people were doubtful and he was getting really upset saying "but Whois was there, ask her, she saw it" ummmmm no!

His were more attention seeking rather than upsetting, but his line between real and fantasy was very blurred.

LeaveMyWingsBehindMe · 26/10/2015 19:42

nearly Shock how on earth can you live like that? That would be a total dealbreaker for me.

Wheretheresawill1 · 26/10/2015 19:48

I work in psychiatry. I also got caught out with a friend who is a professional. I read an interesting journal article about pathological lying. It suggests what we know to be psychopathy/sociopath although these fit under antisocial personality disorder or dissociate pd in the icd10 or dsm v which medics use to diagnose mental illness. There are strong links with narcissistic personality disorder. Often a history of trauma in all these PDs- some it's about a fantasy world ; others it's about causing hurt and having control over others

yeOldeTrout · 26/10/2015 19:52

Is it an insecurity thing? Like the liars think that they have to say something outlandish or else you will think they're boring? They need emotionally to be centre of attention.

Not an excuse, just wondering about possible explanation.

BestZebbie · 26/10/2015 20:06

Stanky: your workmate might not be lying about his coffee table - they get through shedloads of tyres at every F1 race and practice because they only use them once for a few minutes each, they then put them on their side with a bit of glass on top and sell them as coffee tables for a few hundred pounds a pop. :-)

bodenbiscuit · 27/10/2015 23:09

Wheretheresawill - this is why I thought this person may be a sociopath because he has other features like zero empathy. How would say one thing one day and would have forgotten about it another day.

OP posts:
Breadpitt · 28/10/2015 00:31

My old boss was like this. He told me he used to be in the SAS and now worked in secret for MI5. He was licensed to carry a firearm apparently and on call for hostage situations.

He was seven stone wet through and wore glasses two inches thick. I'm afraid I laughed, lots. I think I added a 'yeah right' in there too. It was not the start of a beautiful working relationship.

He never lied to me again, though he did it a lot to the other girls. I'm guessing they didn't laugh long and hard like I did. He was last seen as a barman in a local pub. I assume he is still 'always prepared' with a semi automatic in the back of his twelve year old Honda Grin

CuteAsaF0x · 28/10/2015 22:33

He sounds like Gareth from The Office!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page