to ask how many tantrums a day your kids throw?

[hairbrushbedhair]

DS is 3.1

I could be a really shit parent. (I hope not, I'm trying very hard!)

Or it could be so totally normal?

He has thrown at least 6 wobblys that resulted in glares from passers by today.

DH is hyper sensetive and can't stand any form of attention drawn and is now suggesting we simply stop taking him out in public but I do get that he is at the end of his patience. I've come home in tears myself before now with the tantrums.

He has no diagnosis. I do have concerns about his development behaviourally and have another thread in sn children but iv done m-chat and he comes out low risk, so whatever's happening I don't think we can say it's likely to be explained by an ASD

On top of these 6+ incidents there have been several at home.

Are some kids just like this? Should I just tell DH we just need to suck it up?

It's not like we give in to the tantrums. I have tried giving in to stop a tantrum but he tantrums the other way anyhow eg today he didn't want to go in a shop - starts loudly crying that he doesn't want to and trying to push me away from the shop, so I said ok fine we'll wait outside then (for DH) in the hope he'd calm down but then he's screaming he wants to go in the shop... (It wasn't a shopping trip, he wasn't tired, it was a 2 min dash to get an essential)

DH keeps pointing out we don't see other kids his age behaving like it very often in the street...

Oh and my two had the I want to go in the shop/ I don't want to go in the shop type tantrums. Ususally when they were hungry and tired and twitchy!

OP have you read any of Dr Laura Markham's stuff? Ahaparenting website and her book Peaceful Parents, Happy Kids?

I really recommend both, for example this post on tantrums [http://www.ahaparenting.com/ages-stages/toddlers/toddler-tantrums] is written for slightly younger children that your DS, but the principles still apply.

I'd really recommend the book, though, which has more detail on what meltdowns are about and how to support your children so you get far less of them, and how to nuture them (and yourself) through it when they do. For example her book has a section on transitioning to her approach, which can take a while from the 'ignore and sanctions' approach many have suggested here. It is a long term solution, though, while punishment is both short term and likely to backfire sooner or later.

That often doesn't work, mainly because a tantrum is a young child's way of communication to their parent or carer that they are not coping at that moment. The behaviour is a message, and if you ignore that message you either get it again, louder (which sounds like where you are), Or eventually they do learn to squash those feelings down, as they displease you so much, but that stores up problems for later in life.

Think of all the adults you read about on these boards who are completely fearful and unable to cope with emotions, their own or other people. That's where that approach can lead.

Our job as parents is to help our children process and then manage their emotions, not ignore them.

DD (16, but with SN) has had a tantrum today that meant I couldn't go and see my cousin, who I haven't seen for 5 years, but is in the vicinity today.

I'm really cross, but deep down I know that she behaves this way because she's frightened, frustrated and needs to take some control back when things overwhelm her.

Her school will be in a new building when she goes back after half term. She's saying she's excited about it because she's been told that's how she should be feeling. I suspect the reality is deep confusion though. She only changed schools last year because she wasn't coping; this move is throwing up all kinds of feelings.

Knowing all that doesn't make her tantrums any easier to cope with though. I can't reason with her until the tired, sobbing stage (usually about an hour in), and then if I say the wrong thing, we're back to square one.

It's bloody exhausting and has been, on and off, since we adopted her 14 years ago. We did actually have times when we stopped going out for a while, because it wasn't worth the hassle.

I think what I'm trying to say OP, is that there's generally a reason. What makes life better is if the adults concerned are a team. I hope you and your DH manage to come to some agreement on a strategy; your son will be picking up on any stresses you are both feeling.

Most of all... good luck .