to ask how many tantrums a day your kids throw?

[hairbrushbedhair]

DS is 3.1

I could be a really shit parent. (I hope not, I'm trying very hard!)

Or it could be so totally normal?

He has thrown at least 6 wobblys that resulted in glares from passers by today.

DH is hyper sensetive and can't stand any form of attention drawn and is now suggesting we simply stop taking him out in public but I do get that he is at the end of his patience. I've come home in tears myself before now with the tantrums.

He has no diagnosis. I do have concerns about his development behaviourally and have another thread in sn children but iv done m-chat and he comes out low risk, so whatever's happening I don't think we can say it's likely to be explained by an ASD

On top of these 6+ incidents there have been several at home.

Are some kids just like this? Should I just tell DH we just need to suck it up?

It's not like we give in to the tantrums. I have tried giving in to stop a tantrum but he tantrums the other way anyhow eg today he didn't want to go in a shop - starts loudly crying that he doesn't want to and trying to push me away from the shop, so I said ok fine we'll wait outside then (for DH) in the hope he'd calm down but then he's screaming he wants to go in the shop... (It wasn't a shopping trip, he wasn't tired, it was a 2 min dash to get an essential)

DH keeps pointing out we don't see other kids his age behaving like it very often in the street...

I'm still uncertain if this is just normal for some kids (this frequency) or if there's something more going on. But yes he does behave for other people, unless they know him well

I think this is the biggest indicator that you have nothing to worry about really. If there was something more going on, he'd be unable to pick and choose when he behaved or not!

Frequent tantrums are normal for some NT kids IME. I'm 100% certain that ds2 is NT and it's not stopped him! It's just wired in him to be a PITA lol.

That nuts about the socks

I got told not to let DS wear them because it would stop him learning to walk once

I hope so summer!

I just need to figure out what works for my DS, or failing that possibly dope DH so he chills out about it

I think of the judgmental way parents are viewed as a good thing. We're doing a tricky job in what is mostly a private area, some people do the most awful things to their children so it's only right that 'society' on the whole has high standards and is prepared to step in sometimes (to legitimately protect a child in some instances).

It can be a pain if you can't help but feel the judgment when it's based on a snapshot of 30 seconds, but that's when you can rationalise it that your DS is safe and you know nothing's amiss.

It has to be water off a duck's back or it gets to the point your DH is at when he's considering staying inside until your DS is at least 25.

A friend growing up had tantrums all the damn time. Even at the age of 5. She grew up to be a fun and well adjusted NT girl. Some people just have low tolerance for frustration. Sometimes when they get older and have more control over their lives they can minimize what upsets them so they grow out of it.

I hate math and sitting still. I work in a field that doesn't require math and I can pick my hours and break times.

My dd was dreadful for tantrums, but what I found was the beginning of the end was when I stopped stressing about them. In the end, nearly all children have tantrums, no matter what some people might say, so relax and stop worrying about people judging you, it will really help.

My 3yo has tantrums, she started going to playgroup 9-3, 3 days a week. On these days she doesn't have her afternoon nap. She us a terror from 3.30-bedtime so we don't go out and she gets to chill out and I cut her some slack. The days she is not there I make her go for a nap after lunch. She puts up one hell of a fight, by about one minute of being in her bed she is fast asleep. I've tried to drop her nap and get her used to being up all day, but honestly if I did that she would be in hysterics on the floor over anything, anywhere.

I've found boring chores like shopping best done on a full tummy in the morning. A promise of a healthy snack they like (not sugary as leads to hyper activity) is a good incentive to get her to go with me into a couple of shops and try to get her helping. I reckon I've got one hour, maybe 2 before she will create.

I kind of remember being dragged out shopping with my folks when older than that and getting tired, hungry and then playing up. I just try to view things a bit from their POV. Sometimes it's better to go out alone shopping and let DH have some quality time with the kids.

Shopping and crowds are stressful enough for me, I hate shopping and I get on edge. I can imagine why a 3yo would too. Going to an out of town mall for instance is not a fun activity for me unless it's dead quiet, and the artificial lighting always gives me a headache . Maybe your child is sensitive to crowds? Do you ask him why he is upset? And what he wants you to do to make it better?

This may not be quite relevant to your case but something else to consider.

DD started her "terrible twos" at about 18 months. She is now 4.5 and DH and I were at breaking point because of her constant whinging, whining and tantruming. Every meal time was awful and the atmosphere was truly shit. Even DS (7) was miserable. I work FT and as soon as I got home she started yet had been as good as gold for DH. DS and DD could play for more that 3 minutes without her crying.

I then decided that if I didn't do something, I was going to end up with a DD I didn't like.

So, I changed tack. Instead of coming home and having a cup of tea, I grabbed a drink and gave her 100% of my attention. Instead of saying no, I said yes if it was possible. We played snakes and ladders, planted flowers, jumped on the trampoline etc. within 3 days, everything had improved massively. The tantrums have reduced ( not stopped but they are now only really when she is tired), the atmosphere is good and DS and DD are getting along a lot better.

I suppose what I am trying to say is give him positive attention and ignore the poor behaviour. Good luck :)

summer not always. I am autistic, and I am often able to hold in my frustration in public, only for it to spill out at home. It's a common pattern in girls/women with autism (and the occasional male).

2.8 yo twins, at least 29 times a day at the moment. They have a new baby brother and have just finished their first half term of nursery. They are little shits verb tired. Don't nap. But j have v high expectations so some of it is that. Eg putting their shoes in the basket when they take them off. They also have to share much more than other toddlers and the buggy board is a massive none of contention - they regularly hit the deck when required to swap places.

Mostly I ignore, tell them to go sit in a specific spot until they are ready to say sorry/ do whatever. Occasionally I go batshit but try not to. Unfortunately 10 wo baby results in more tiredness than patience some days.

I've got what some would call a spirited 3 year old. He's an angel at pre school but can turn in to the Tasmanian devil at home.

We've introduce a behaviour chart which is a rainbow, sunshine and rain cloud. Every day we start on the sunshine, good behaviour gets you up to the rainbow, where fun things happen, we might do some junk modelling, he can pick what programme we watch, he can pick what yogurt he gets with pudding, he can play a game on the tablet, if he goes to bed on the rainbow 5 time in a week he gets to pick a comic or small toy. The sunshine life continues as normal. Rain cloud means no tv (or just my choice if cbeebies is required for my sanity), no pudding (a mn no no, I know, but sometimes you just have to do something that you know they'll hate!), no special treats. Going to bed on the raincloud 4 times in a week means no swimming on Saturday as well.

It sounds a bit convoluted and you can simplify it, but it's made a massive difference to his behaviour. We had to power through some tantrums over him not wanting to be on the rain cloud, but now I just have to say do you want to go on the rain cloud and it stops him in his tracks.

9, and he's 16 months!!

I think this is the biggest indicator that you have nothing to worry about really. If there was something more going on, he'd be unable to pick and choose when he behaved or not!

Not necessarily. A lot of people with SN mask and only react in certain environments.

Ds is being assessed for autism and is already diagnosed with Spd and dyspraxia. He has never had a meltdown in school BUT he has often come home and had a meltdown as a response to something which has happened in school. He has just kept his frustration pent up until he got home - or even worse sees me at the bottom of the path which makes the walk home a nightmare

Dd was always a spirited girl! She would tantrum whenever things didn't go her way. We always reacted as calmy as possible but it was simply her way of dealing with the world. She inproved massively after her 4th birthday and then started school a few months later and improved again.. she is 5 now and has them rarely, usually if coming down with a cold or something. Hang in there and ignore the glares from strangers.

I saw a little girl about 3.5 have a massive tantrum in a shop yesterday when her dad wouldn't buy the cuddly toy she had set her heart on. It took me right back!

For the wee thing.

When mine were small I always told.them to go for a wee before they left the house. They would sometimes say but muum I don't need one. So I would say what about a secret wee that's hiding from you. So they would go and have a secret wee.

Sounds really really weird but it worked for us.

DS is 2.3 and has a speech delay. The other morning we had 5 tantrums before 7am. Yesterday we had 3 whilst out on a short walk to the corner shop. sob

Usually anywhere between 2 and 10 on a regular day.

mine is going through it massively at the moment he hates the pushchair but cant walk the distances we need to so he has to go in he will ask for a drink and throw it then scream for it back ask for a biscuit throw it scream for it back so ive stopped giving him the stuff back (obviously i never give him floor food) so the people in my town think im starving him and depriving him of drinks but he broke a cup the other day smashing it to the floor so i cant give in to him he has to learn

he also tantrums over food he is hungry and wants porridge but he doesn't actually want me to make it then he agrees the only way to get it is for me to make it when i do he will sling it across the room in temper and then want it back!

the hardest part is when he is screaming please for something he has already thrown away or broken i look like such an abusive bitch saying no

they will grow up eventually

He kind of sounds a lot like my dd2, including the holding in wee. She had a lot of indecision tantrums at that age too (do I or don't I want to go into the shop? Too much pressure!!) anything could send her over the edge but the root cause was almost always exhaustion and/or hunger. She has always needed a lot of sleep and if she doesn't get it she just can't cope.

She's 7 now and much calmer, she knows a lot of her own triggers and can stop herself most of the time. But if she's tired she just doesn't have that restraint. She's just finished her first half term in juniors and Friday was an absolute nightmare. Then she slept 13 hours straight on Friday night and has been her best loveliest self all weekend.

3 was the worst time. It got better when she turned 4 but regressed every time there was a big change (starting school) and at the end of every half term.

Thanks for all the advice! So far just the one this morning but we haven't left the house yet

I will try the secret wee advice before we go out today

for everyone who already needs it today with tantrums for those who don't (yet!)

Rain cloud chart sounds adorable!

Sorry to pp who asked, yes I do ask him but he just replies "because I did/because I didn't want to" he doesn't have the ability yet to explain his emotions I don't think

Strange because he's brilliant at speech otherwise!

Bedhair I think it was me who asked. If my dd can't explain why either I tend to offer a range of answers until she picks one. Even if I can't do anything about the problem I do sort of apologise to her and promise we'll do something to make it better. Sometimes they need a way out of the tantrum, other times it's an under arm job if they really are being a pickle. For a quick get out of the place resolution. Tantrums are bloody hard!

He's 3. Sounds pretty normal to me.

Both of my children have an ASC. But when DS was 3ish and I didin't know he had an ASC he nearly broke me.
Like your DH I was terrified of other people's reactions but I was raised by my mother to never be seen, never be noticed and now I have a DS who IS seen!
I never took him anywhere if I could help it!

DD is 8 and still has massive meltdowns about everything. Recently I have found that offering a snuggle or just gathering her up in a snuggle has a massive effect - I think she likes the firm body pressure a snuggle brings.
When they were weenie I did a lot of vocalising their feelings for them. Helped me when out and about if I did a bit of 'loud parenting' too as I felt I was telling their story for the passers by.
So 'Yes DS, you are feeling frustrated because you wanted the toy and mummy said no. You think mummy doesn't understand and is being mean.'
Or 'You are hungry and that makes you feel all fidgety and twitchy. We are going to sit down on this bench and have a snack and a drink'

But that was on a good day. Some days he would be yelling and kicking and biting and I would be a sobbing ball of exhaustion because DD didn't sleep and neither did he.

Neither of my two understood consequences and a delayed consequence was a ducking nightmare. Still is and they are 11 and 8.