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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to still send DD to PILs?

88 replies

NotAnotherMonday · 24/10/2015 14:01

Today I had to have my Flu Jab. Dp was supposed to not be working so the plan was DD (4months) would go to PILs for the day, I'd have my jab then we'd have a few hours shopping or just chill at home watching a film. On Wednesday, Dp got asked if he could work 10-6pm today, and he said yes. Obviously I still needed someone to have DD while I went to have my Flu Jab so asked PILs if they could still have her for half an hour while I had my jab.

They text me after I'd left the doctors to say theyd taken DD to MILs parents so theyd drop her back off with me when they were done.

I will say PILs are in their mid-late 40s so more than capable of looking after a baby for a few hours. I posted on Facebook that id had a nice quiet morning while DD was having fun at her grandparents and dp was at work.

She was dropped off tired, but happy, having had a clean nappy and a feed at about 12.30.

I then got several messages off people saying I was selfish to leave DD with PILs while I had "a break" when Dp wasnt there. People have called me a bad mother as apparently I'm his childcare while he works.

So WIBU to let her go anyway? Or should I have tried to take her with me to the doctors?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 24/10/2015 14:46

Disappointed yes of course the OP could have done any one of those things, but why bother when the grandparents are happy to have the baby? Confused

PerspicaciaTick · 24/10/2015 14:46

Whether you were having a flu jab, a haircut, a nap or a large G&T, it really doesn't matter. You are allowed a break once in a while, experts recommend that parents (especially mums) look after themselves mentally and physically, and your DD was happy and well cared for. I bet your PiLs enjoyed themselves too.

Just defriend the FB aresholes and don't give them another thought.

onlywhenyouleave · 24/10/2015 14:51

Wow, defriend these people Shock

I kept DS1 in nursery 4 days a week when I was on maternity leave with DS2 - I really am the worst mother in the world Hmm

MissDexter · 24/10/2015 14:51

Yanbu

KittyandTeal · 24/10/2015 14:53

Even if you weren't having the flu jab and just fancied a morning off YANBU.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with having a break for whatever reason.

pudcat · 24/10/2015 14:58

Do you some of you never leave your babies? What is wrong with having a break? What is wrong with letting grandparents look after the baby? Why are so many of you up in arms that OP did not take baby to doctors? Ridiculous.

jelliebelly · 24/10/2015 14:58

YANBU for wanting a morning of peace and quiet - YABU for sharing it on Facebook - and now you can see why Facebook is best avoided at all times!

Nanny0gg · 24/10/2015 15:05

Do you some of you never leave your babies? What is wrong with having a break? What is wrong with letting grandparents look after the baby? Why are so many of you up in arms that OP did not take baby to doctors? Ridiculous.

^^This.

minimalist000001 · 24/10/2015 15:14

If course you could have fitted 3 in the injection room. However its not important what you were doing. It's healthy for you to have a break and nice that everyone got to spend time together

longdiling · 24/10/2015 15:20

What kind of wierdos are you friends with OP?! Time to clear out your friends list.

Pancakeflipper · 24/10/2015 15:21

Can grandchildren only go to grandparents if there's a serious justifiable reason? Can't they just go to see them cos it's a nice treat for all?

You really got slammed on FB for that??? I find that hard to believe. Time to cull your friends list.

DolphinsPlayground · 24/10/2015 15:21

I am jealous of your break! I home educate and either have dc with me or I am at work. I can't remember the last time I got time alone other than being in the car on the way to/from work!

Having said that, YANBU! And you are entitled to. A break so good on you! De friend the arse holes!

RebeccaCloud9 · 24/10/2015 15:23

A. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a baby spending time with its grandparents (or any other responsible family, friends or childcare professionals). Surely it is healthy for a baby to be around lots of different people?
B. There is absolutely nothing wrong with deciding it is better to not take a baby to the Drs if you have a childcare option.
C. There is absolutely nothing wrong with needing or having a break.
D. People can be dicks on Facebook.

Ilikedmyoldusernamebetter · 24/10/2015 15:24

That's very weird of people!

Not every mother is happy being separated from such a young baby (I wasn't at all comfortable being apart from mine at that age) but that is a personal thing - there is no earthly thing at all wrong with loving, competent, young, healthy, willing grandparents having a day with their grandchild especially if the baby is bottle fed anyway!

I had my prenatal blood tests for DC2 with 3 babies in the room (my older one and 2 mindees as I was a childminder), and I've had to have smear tests at my 6 week check with the baby in the car seat in the room, so I'm sure it would have been possible to take one 4 month old if you'd had to - but that really isn't the issue. Much nicer for all involved for the grandparents to have a few hours with the baby, nothing "bad" about your decision at all!

No idea what the suggestion your DD can only go to grandparents if you are with your DH is about - that'S just plain weird!

maitaimojito · 24/10/2015 15:26

I can't believe one person would make a comment like that let alone multiple people!

I wouldn't want to take my baby with me when going for a jab but then again I hate needles and usually get asked to lie down, so as well as being impractical I wouldn't want to extra stress of holding a baby.

PIL's would no doubt have had a great time showing off their granddaughter and surely if they thought it was too much they would have gladly let you take her after your doctor's appointment rather than arranging to have her for longer.

I think your Facebook friends are most likely jealous...

Mintyy · 24/10/2015 15:29

Op, please quote the messages word for word on this thread. I'm afraid I find it impossible to believe that you have facebook "friends" who would post as they have. And several of them. Are you sure they weren't joking?

(And roffle at the side discussion on taking babies to health care appointments with you.)

JeanSeberg · 24/10/2015 15:42

Finding this impossible to believe.

Someone actually wrote the words "you are a bad mother" did they OP?

Original poster
NotAnotherMonday · 24/10/2015 15:45

mintyy Friend 1 sent me "Monday, you're disgusting for leaving your child with someone else while you had a "jolly" I'd never ever leave (her ds's name) with anyone unless it was my husband"

Friend 2 "How dare you? (dps name) goes to work so you and (DD's name) can be at home. You should want to spend time with her not palm her off to her poor grandparents. You're a selfish woman Monday"

Friend 3 (also happens to be my cousin) "You're a bad mother"

To everyone else Just text MIL to thank her for having DD for a few hours and she's said she really enjoyed, and that GMIL enjoyed seeing her too. She's asked me if she can have her again in a few weeks as GMIL wants to spend some time with her but she's in her 70s so I wouldn't let her look after DD alone.

I'd have managed if I had had to take her to the doctors with me, there's always two nurses about for my jabs due to a medical condition I had so they could of held her for a minute or so, but it was really tight for space, the second nurse was stood in the doorway the room is honestly tiny.

OP posts:
Buttercup27 · 24/10/2015 15:46

Yanbu if everyone was happy, but I had my jabs last week with ds sat on my lap as he had just had his jabs and was upset etc.

JeanSeberg · 24/10/2015 15:49

Is this the first time they've acted like dicks?

LilaTheTiger · 24/10/2015 15:53

I'd be giving them all a firm "fuck off". But I'm like that.

Sighing · 24/10/2015 15:54

They're misguided twats, that sort of ideology is damaging. You're a person and still able to take a break (even gasp with your partner or just to have fun). Block them all on facebook. And get on with your life, supporting your DD to get to know her wider family Grin

Original poster
NotAnotherMonday · 24/10/2015 15:54

jeanSeberg My cousin (Friend 3) not the first time, the other two it isn't normal, they're normally pretty good.

OP posts:
Sighing · 24/10/2015 15:56

(Not that childcare is not fun at times. Doing anything without a break is wearing and makes people slapdash at it).

Sighing · 24/10/2015 15:58

Is your husband tagged in friend2's response. Hopefully he'll tell her to fuck off! As I'm sure he thinks you're hardly selfish in this!