to want my 13yr old home by the time it's dark??

[1805]

He went out with friends this afternoon into town, and to be fair, I didn't set a curfew time. I said I'd pick him up from our local train station when he was ready - avoiding school pick up time for his sibling. I have been expecting a call to say he's on the train, but instead I got a call saying he's still at his friends house in town. So now he will have to walk across town, catch a train, and now a bus home in the dark as I have to put dc2 to bed.
Is this ok, or am I being top pub about this?

And he only has a t shirt on! He left his jumper in the car when I dropped him off!

yanbu

I would go and get him.

I think I would have to go and get him BUT there would have to be consequences and the not taking his sweater and jacket would really annoy me as well.

Yanbu. I wouldn't like it and my son will be 13 in a few months.

He can probably borrow a jumper/coat from his pal. I'd let him make the journey - apart from anything else, where I live it'll be full dark at 3.15pm in a few weeks and you can't keep teenagers indoors that long!

I think you are being a bit U. Because in a couple of months it'll be dark at 4:30.

What time is he likely to get in?

I do think that if you want your DC in by a certain time, you need to tell then clearly what time you mean.

I'd be worried too, I'd go and pick him up and there would be ground rules set.

YANBU, most of the year, but hopefully you're not including December. The streetlights go on when I'm walking DS2 home from primary school, then!

Yanbu but you should have set a time and insisted on a jumper and coat

YAIBU. You now know for next time.

If you didn't give him a time then you are being unreasonable, I'm afraid.

And it wouldn't be fair to tell him off. Have a discussion about it before he goes out again.

Yes. I have realised now that time limits should have been set. Lesson learnt.

I have spoken to the friends mum and she is going to lend him a jumper and take him to the train station.

By the way, what time would people set as a home time??

I have a 14 year old. I don't think you can have a blanket "home by"- I think you need to do it on a case by case basis. For example, on Tuesday, DS goes to his friends after school then to football training that doesn't finish til 8. So he doesn't get home til about 8.30. Or he might go to a friend's to do something specific, so we have to negotiate times.

I think you're being a bit precious about it tbh. It'll be dark here by 4pm soon, there's lots of 13 year olds making their way home from school in the dark. If he's cold, he's cold - he's old enough not to make that mistake twice.

You didn't set a time, so he hasn't broken any rules.

He probably lost track of the time, and didn't realise it was so late.

I would probably go and pick him up, and put sibling to bed a little later.

My 13 year old has thick skin, and until a few days ago, was still wearing shorts.

I like my 13 year old to be home by 9am, earlier on a school night. If he is visiting kids close by, I would let him walk home. If the journey involved a walk, train and bus, I would pick him up.

Did you name change for yourselves post and then change back again?

Your second even!

My twelve year old is out three times a week in the dark from October to about March. She goes to and from band on her own. That's a thirty minute bus into the city centre and back again afterward.

I'm like a previous poster, curfews need to be flexible at this age for the most part.

OK. Yes, he will be fine. My own fault for a) not being more specific and b) being too pfb about this. I expected him to make his own way home at 4pm, so 7pm is not that different really.

He will not be in trouble, but we will discuss!!!

Laguna - yes, sorry, they are both me!!

My DS is 13. If he goes to visit a friend on a school night 7pm is the curfew. On a weekend it's 9pm. All parties satisfied so far with this arrangement.