To ask for your experiences of living with a regular weed smoker?

[Bumpandkind]

My dh has smoked weed daily since I've known him and he now seems moodier and with a shorter temper than ever. I know these can be side effects but then they can also be side effects of daily life. I find I'm walking on eggshells more and more. Any experience of this or advice? Thanks

I think there is a lot of sensible comment and also a degree of overreaction on this thread.

I smoked pre kids. Now I occasionally do. Maybe once every other week if I'm having some drinks at a friend's house we might have a little weed spliff in the garden / on their balcony. Dp goes through phases of smoking and stopping. When he stops it takes a week or so for his sleep patterns to correct but other wise no real difference at all. He is a chartered analyst responsible for a team of 10 people in a good firm and spends his day doing complex financial modelling. I don't have any problem with it because he is an all round lovely optimistic person and good egg who deals with stress And difficulties very well.

If someone is unpleasant to live with and aggressive it's neither here nor there that they are smoking - either way the behaviour is unacceptable and unlikely to change.

If we all lived in Holland we would think of it the same as alcohol, if it's a problem then it's a problem, if it's not then it's not! No hard and fast rule.

i think it would do a lot of you good to think about the fact that a lot of people with undiagnosed or diagnosed MH problems are often drawn to self medicating with things like nicotine or cannabis, and it can help them cope, but there is nothing to say it actually causes MH problems itself. Its just a coping mechanism. Like alcoholics. Most people dont need to drink or smoke to that extent unless there is already something in their head theyre trying to escape from, and yknow, a lot of these things just arent solveable, either with therapy or pharmaceutical medication. Its entirely a case of helping people get through the day

Sigh. It's a shame that this thread has derailed into whether cannabis is acceptable at all.

This is irrelevant to OP's situation. Her bloke is addicted - and just like an alcoholic, this is a problem. She's describing clear negative effects on his, her and the DC's lives.

This is not a debate about whether casual use of cannabis is okay, it's a question of whether his use has tipped over into problematic, and it sounds very much to me like it has.

So OP, what are you going to do next?

I lived with two people. They both believed there was no discernable affect on them. It was bollocks, but didn't impact my life. The thing is your partner is behaving in an unacceptable way. You need to decide if you put that to him to improve or just cut him loose now.

I used to live with a guy who smoked it daily, I lived there for 7 months. I was in a relationship with him.

He used to get it from his brother in law who grew it. The bloke I was living with (my boyfriend), was a real tight-arse with money, so when the supply ran out occasionally while he was waiting for his BIL to do a new harvest or whatever, he was unbearable. Incredibly moody and pessimistic and unable to relax and nitpicky.

One day (I was working in South London at the time) I took a mini cab to a really dogey estate in Mitcham to "score" some hash for him, because I couldn't bear the idea of going home to him with no prospect of him being able to have a joint.

It made him really unmotivated too - he had a reasonable job in a bank, but he hated it, and moaned about it a lot, but instead of going home and working on his CV and looking for other jobs to apply for he'd come home and smoke a joint, so nothing ever changed, and nothing ever improved.

I then got a job working for a company which is well known for its random drug testing on its employees, and he refused to do it outside (it was a one bedroom flat, so I was probably breathing in enough to register on a test) but it was his flat so his decision, so I moved out. He wanted to keep seeing me but I said, no way, we can't take a step backwards from living together to not living together, I need my relationships to progress not regress. He was really upset and said "I suppose we weren't really getting along very well anyway". But that's the thing - apart from that one disagreement about him doing it inside, we were getting along absolutely fine! Living together in harmony, great sex etc. Its like he had a skewed view of what was normal generally in life if that makes sense. That might not be down to the spliffs, it may just be how he is. Apparently he doesn't smoke anymore and he's still single/unmarried so who knows! He came to my wedding though! Err 15 years ago that was now geez.

Op, I'd agree with others the weed is not the issue, his behaviour is. He sounds like an addict, and whether it is drugs or alcohol, it is his behaviour which is the problem.

I hope you can talk with him and make him see his wife shouldn't dread the sound of his key in the door. If he isn't prepared to change his behaviour and take steps to deal with his addiction, I would consider leaving the relationship as he won't change.

This thread has made me really, really sad.

I've got a chronic neurological condition, and I smoke cannabis to deal with the pain and inflammation it causes. The only legally available medications on the NHS are extremely harmful, I have no choice but to take them even though it is more likely they will cause a condition that will kill me, than my existing condition is to kill me.

I'd love to be able to obtain cannabis legally, for medical purposes, so I can enjoy some quality of life without being criminalised. But with the attitudes on this thread of hatred towards it, the misinformation 'it's harmful'. It is, but much less so than alcohol. And if it is harmful, isn't that a better reason to legalise it, and place control with the government and not the dealers?

The study linked to above 'proving' it is harmful is 10 years old, had a sample size of only 535, and had no control group of either non-schizophrenic smokers or non-smoking schizophrenics. If people keep peddling poor science to justify their prejudices, cannabis will never have widespread medical use when it could affect the quality of life of thousands of ill people in the UK.

I lived with a regular weed smoker for 2 years. I'd come home from work and try to chat to him about the day I'd had, and how was his, ETC? He'd just stare into middle distance with a silly gormless grin on his face. In my experience, smoking cannabis regularly is unlikely to lead to someone going psychotic and trying to murder their family, but just turns them into boring, dim witted bastards. Get him to stop OP. For his sake more than yours. If he loves you ~ he will.

My DH was addicted to weed for over 10 years, he smoked it every day. But ultimately lied about it. It turned him into a monster. He was abusive, selfish, explosively angry, moody, unmotivated, lazy, parankid, jealous and became very depressed and suicidal.

I was trapped in an abusive marriage and eventually it got so bad he was arrested and removed from the house with bail conditions that stated he was allowed near me of the DC.

It's been 13 months since he was arrested and with the help of the police, social services, woman's aid and the GP, he is clean. It's taken a lot of hard work from him, and a lot of soul searching from myself but we are slowly getting back on track, and I mean slowly. It's like being married to a different person, he's the DH I used to know. I'm still very cautious, but for the time being things are good .

I do completely agree it depends on your personality as to how it effects you. Weed was the devil for my DH, but for many it has the opposite effect. It destroyed our lives, and both of our families lived as well. It was the weed that caused him to behave in the way he did, and only now he's stopped can he see that.

My advice to you OP, is that you don't have to walk around on eggshells all time time. Many eggs have been broken in this house over the years. Get out while you can, he is abusive. If it's the weed is causing his behaviour then unless he stops, his behaviour won't change. It's a never ending cycle.

Too many mistakes in that to correct, but you get the jist

The idea that weed smokers cause very little bother is a fallacy. Many violent crimes in London are through induced psychosis caused by skunk use. "In your experience" is not the same as cold hard statistics and studies showing the very clear link between skunk and schizophrenia. OP, it's not just that he is already abusive, it's that his behaviour could tip over in to full psychosis and he will physically hurt you. coffeetgrowtrampbitch if you don't like the link I posted above there are plenty of others out there? Or you could talk to the many health professionals dealing with homeless patients who have lost everything through substance misuse. This is a hugely common theme.

Many people in Holland don't think it's the same as alcohol at all. They may tolerate that some people use it, but certainly not everyone. That's just what people in the UK think of the attitude over there.

and cannabis use [[http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11286431]]
more "poor science" from the British Medical Journal... [[http://www.bmj.com/content/342/bmj.d738]]

Ah shit, my links are screwed.

Violet crime and cannabis use www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11286431
And some more "poor science" from the British Medical Journal www.bmj.com/content/342/bmj.d738

Tbh I think people comparing it to "the odd glass of wine" are missing the point somewhat. Think the OP was asking about heavy weed smokers. Heavy drinkers are probably just as at risk of MH issues etc so the comparison between heavy weed use and the odd glass of wine is not quite fair.

the OP asked about regular weed smokers, and theres not actually any way of knowing from what shes said, whether the problem is caused by weed, and would improve without. They could just be not getting on very well? The problems started after their child was born. He could be not very good at coping with stress.

I think it would be wise to talk to him, find out whats going on in the relationship, because if hes smoking more than ever, maybe theres something hes trying to escape from. Taking away the crutch without looking for why someone is limping is never going to work.

I have a friend who has just come out of hospital for a weed induced breakdown which has resulted in him losing his family and possibly his livelihood. Get a bit tired of all the 'Weed cures cancer', 'Weed can cure poverty', 'Weed can solve all societies ills' posted on facebook.

coffeethrowtrampbitch just wanted to let you know I read what you said and I hear and agree with you. Hope you stay good and positive.

I think there is a deal of difference between having the odd joint (especially of the older style milder weed) and being a heavy daily skunk smoker.

I have a colleague doing some research into weed/skunk and what it shows is that what is available now (primarily skunk) has high levels of THC but doesn't have the moderating effect of another chemical that used to be in the old style weed which appeared protective of the worst effects. So, things like paranoia, anxiety, mental health problems and so on are higher with the newer style skunk especially in vulnerable populations.

The other thing is he may well be addicted to nicotine (depending if mixed with tobacco) so when he goes without, it's like withdrawing off two things instead of one.

I don't really understand why people are still smoking it, to be honest, given the risks of inhaling carbon monoxide etc. It's the same if not higher risk than smoking! Aren't there other ways to consume these things which are less harmful?!

Your partner sounds awful, the fact you try not to set him off means you are treading on eggshells in your own home. I'm sure you are dreading asking him to stop as you know the anger and stress that will ensue. I would get some support yourself from family and friend and consider whether you want to go on in what is becoming an emotionally abusive relationship in which you are constantly on eggshells.

Yes you're right there HP. Back (ending about 25 years ago) when I used to indulge occasionally, the weed and hash we smoked was far less powerful and toxic as the Skunk which is so prevalent today. A person who smoked far too much back then, was usually just a bit dull, passive, and self-absorbed, I always felt.

Nowadays the hydroponic grass which is everywhere has had its hallucinogenic "qualities" so far enhanced that overuse can lead to pretty serious mental health problems. It really should not be smoked everyday IMO..

I can assure you, there is still plenty of shit weed around, and that is what most people will still be smoking.

At least if it was legalised even if just to the extent as in amsterdam, it is so nice to be able to go somewhere and choose what you want from an assortment. Something mild, something that will wake you up, something to help you sleep, and only in small amounts, rather than just being at the mercy of whatever small time dealer has been able to get hold of.

Imagine going for a drink and not knowing till youd tried it whether you were drinking a pint of beer or a pint of vodka.

The criminalisation of it is half the problem. Makes it hard for people to be able to regulate themself easily

The reason people smoke it is because its therapeutic, sedative, has short term antidepressant qualities and is a mood enhancer. like alcohol

People always have and always will seek ways to change their frame of mind artificially.

I smoke it every day & it works brilliantly for me. I know how to work hard and have a great diet and hygiene, am very calm and have lots of interests (just to blow my own trumpet there). Also know lots of high achieving stoners (postgrads, people who got 1sts at undergrad in v. hard subjects etc).

However OP walking on eggshells is a situation no one deserves to be in, so there is a problem here obviously. I think the weed is a red herring. Time for an honest discussion, hope you have it & it goes well.

By the way in Holland weed is not at all seen as wine, it's seen as a drug and attitudes towards it are pretty much the same as in GB - some think it's harmless, others smoke it legally every day, lots of people think it's totally uncool (and expensive). I def couldn't sit on the terrace puffing away in the evening while my grandmother's having her glass of Sauvignon.

sorry x post Alicia :)

I agree it should be legalised. I also think, young people especially should be educated about cannabis and the harms of overuse.

If you're right Branleuse and most people still smoke the genetically un enhanced "shit weed", then the education should be less focused on how it'll drive you insane, make you want to kill your family and believe that you're Napoleon. But education should be more focused on how it demotivates and causes lack of concern/enthusiasm. How it'll encourage you to see no problem in wasting your precious, vital, young years, seeing your opportunities go up in apathetic smoke.

Of course many people, probably the overwhelming majority use it in moderation and have absolutely no problems functioning and remain entirely rational and motivated. But some don't, I used to live with one.

The idea that weed smokers cause very little bother is a fallacy. Many violent crimes in London are through induced psychosis caused by skunk use.

Whoa. What kind of weed are you smoking in the UK?

Here in the US it's legal in a couple places and aside from massive lines in the Taco Bell drive-thru on 4/20, we've never had a problem with it. In fact, the cities where it's legal the crime rate is pretty low (probably due to the fact it creates jobs and boosts the economy). Even before it was legal though, the biggest problem weed caused was over crowding in prisons from petty arrests.

I don't think we're thinking of the same plant here. They must be mixing it with something else when they smoke it if that many people are going into psychosis with it, or you're using hyperbole.

Tangent aside, I'd drop him for same reason you'd drop an alcoholic. Addicts don't care about anything more than getting the substance they're craving. That includes you, that includes your son. You don't want a child growing up knowing they come second in priority to any substance.

My DH smokes weed on a daily basis. Has done since he was a teenager (now late 30s). He's motivated, a high achiever, earns a six-figure salary, doesn't smell, etc etc. However, he's now getting to the stage where the heavy smoking is affecting his health (well, I'm sure it always was, but now he feels it more), and he's desperate to give up. He's finding he's getting panic attacks now too after a heavy session, whereas that didn't used to be a problem. He's reluctant to go to the GP. I'm not sure what help is out there, would love some tips from anyone who's managed to quit.

I have to say, the OPs partner just sounds nasty, weed or no weed. I'm sure it's not helping, but then neither would heavy drinking, it's just that that's far more socially acceptable, plus there's loads of help available if you want to stop.