To ask for your experiences of living with a regular weed smoker?

[Bumpandkind]

My dh has smoked weed daily since I've known him and he now seems moodier and with a shorter temper than ever. I know these can be side effects but then they can also be side effects of daily life. I find I'm walking on eggshells more and more. Any experience of this or advice? Thanks

He scores on long haul holidays? I hope he's bloody careful.

My ex was a heavy smoker as is my brother - both are very self-centred individuals who live in their own little bubble. If I needed to say something 'heavy' to my ex, immediately out would come his little tin and he'd be rolling a joint almost as a buffer between him and reality. I don't really care that much about regular hash use in other people but wouldn't date someone who was a smoker and would kill my kids if I thought they were smoking joints.

yes general paranoia, everybody owes him something, its everybody else's fault he has no life, no money, no friends or family around, everybody else always owes him money(not), had to have dentures because he never looked after his teeth, is awake all night with the munchies and asleep all day!! doesn't look after himself, poor hygiene, doesn't wash himself or his clothes, shouts a lot especially when he's run out!!

Do any these miscreant smokers have jobs? It sounds like the scrote's life tbh. I'd leave in a shot.

Not to be mean but yeah, it does smell really really bad.

Family at dc's school both parents are heavy weed users. The Dad is always off his face and the Mum is supremely paranoid and anxious, and always posting stuff about conspiracy theories online. Those who think it doesn't affect them are kidding themselves!

Eurgh
I know this feeling too well
Ex DP is paranoid, moody, thinks the whole world is against him, extremely self centred, selfish.
He stinks to the high heavens
Everytime we had to go somewhere we'd have to set ten minutes before and after so he could have a spliff even if it was just nipping to the shop
He's 32 and he's still not grown out of what I thought would be a phase of experimenting in his teens and 20s
I feel sorry for him now spending his time chasing his dealer round then spending his nights comatose with his 'mates' (who only hang around him because he has weed)
It's so pathetic

He's also obsessed with conspiracy theories and thinks he's on some higher level than non weed smokers and that the government have made it illegal so we all can't 'see the truth'
Get out while you can
It's a sad existence

My brother is a heavy weed smoker & the whole family are constantly treading on eggshells just waiting for him to kick off. He & I get on quite well, but he knows I won't stand for any of his shit after he made the mistake once of trying to kick off when I was in the house. He's never done it again, but my poor mum & stepdad have to deal with his moods everyday & I can't always be there to stop him. I'm convinced my mum is scared of him, but she won't admit it. He wastes all of his money on this, is 27 years of age, no prospects in life, dead end job (although he does manage to hold down a job at least), he is a very good looking lad & ive seen woman fawn over him, but once they see what he's like they run a mile. It makes me so sad to see him waste his life, I've tried many many times to talk to him about quitting but he has absolutely no interest.

Well look at my username OP

And yes my not so D P smokes a lot . A lot .

I am very interested in this thread

Whether it's personality or the weed, what you want in a partner is someone who will listen when you say 'I'm finding this aspect of our lives hard and would like something to change' and will have a think about what they could do about it. Given that moodiness and short temperedness are strongly associated with weed smoking for many people, giving up weed is something he could try and which could improve your lives.

If he can't do that, he's addicted in some way or just selfish.

Sisters ex used to come home from work and sit in the garden smoking it. Every bloody day! The garden stunk, the house stunk and any clothes on the line stunk :-(

By the time she dumped him need gotten to the point where he was paranoid she was cheating, wouldn't let her out of his sight and made a lot of threats before attacking her.

Basically he became a paranoid asshole who physically and mentally abused my sister. He was never like that before the weed as we've known him for donkeys years.

Paranoid rantings that his co workers are out to get him fired.

Lying about why a company let him go to get sympathy and free rent from my sister

People in the street going about their own business are whispering about him

Believes just about any conspiracy theory going

Not worth the hassle being involved with that type of person. Asking them to quite won't work as they'll just see it as you attacking them they've got to have the quitting idea themselves or you'll be back to square one within a year

Sorry if you've already said OP but have you tried talking to him about this? It strikes me that loads of people are moody and short-tempered just through daily life, no drugs required. I think you really don't know how much of a problem it is unless you try speaking to him. If he knows you're worried and unhappy but still refuses to attempt change - then you know you've got a problem.

In a way, it doesn't matter whether it's the weed or whether he's naturally like that - either way, he doesn't sound like the sort of person it's much fun to be with.

Iflyaway is wrong, in that the medicinal benefits of cannabis are well-known, and, like other drugs, its uses are being investigated. The point about drugs, whether medicinal or recreational, is that they tend to have good effects and bad effects. Opiates are wonderful painkillers, for example, but you wouldn't want to be addicted to them.

sadly, OP, you live with an addict. Most people take a drug of some sort (because alcohol is one, for a start) but normal people moderate and don't let it affect their personality.

this is not the case with your husband. He needs to make a choice; the saddo smokes or his family life.

he is clearly making your life hell and this is a terrible example for your kids.

I'm afraid this is shape up (get help, give up), or ship out (Him, not you).

and if he smokes abroad the problem may be solved for you by a less benevolent regime.

My understanding is that grass has been pretty much replaced with skunk. So yep it used to be a fairly harmless activity as the weed was pretty weak. Now the skunk is very strong and it's not weed as we may remember it.

For that reason his skunk blend sounds bloody dangerous to me, particularly since he is smoking it daily. I assume he works?

i work in a shop and can smell it on customers a mile off.....it absolutely stinks and the men who smoke it are always unwashed, scruffy and look like the dregs of society....i would run a mile if any partner of mine smoked weed x

Have had relationships with two. I would never ever live with a weed smoker again.

Experiences were:

• Endlessly being told I wasn't chilled because I didn't like weed.
• Made to feel like a nag because I didn't like the mess of weed/tobacco sprinkled everywhere because once they've rolled a joint they can't be arsed to clean up after (we had a young dd who could quite easily have picked up a bit of their drug and ate it)
• Odd unempathic behaviour - literally couldn't care a less about anyone so long as they had weed
• Moodiness/aggression when they didn't have any/couldn't smoke it
• The constant stink of weed in everything we owned
• Progressive deterioration of everything - they wouldn't work as often as they should, bring home the money, do the housework....everything seems to fall by the wayside and I had to pick up the slack everytime.
• If I ever complained, again I was a 'nag' and controlling and just wasn't one of those chilled out people. I had to work longer hours to bring home the bacon so they could sit on their arses.
• They became v. unhealthy physically. Also deterioration of taking care of their appearance/b.o problems. Teeth not looked after and getting nicotine stained.
• Total lack of conversation. They would talk, but only about what they were interested in and then they would go on and on about it.
• Eating rubbish food because they couldn't be bothered to cook if I didn't do it.

It really felt like everything came second to them getting stoned. They both smoked a few joints each night, maybe one or two during the day. So it wouldn't seem like a great amount. But it was enough to have a big affect on all our lives. I think they were selfish and self indulged people to begin with, so they allowed weed to take over because it really didn''t matter to them what anyone else's needs were. They both moved onto harder drugs too - ecstacy and coke.

Smoking cannabis, especially with tobacco, also increases the likelihood of respiratory disease.

The risk of lung cancer and COPD is significantly higher than smoking tobacco alone. Cannabis smokers also exhale higher levels of carbon monoxide than regular smokers.

Other health risks include an increased risk cancer (all types), pneumothorax, mental health problems (especially schizophrenia) and cardiovascular disease.

This is the British Lung Foundation report on the impact of cannabis on health

My DP has smoked it daily since he was a teen, now 30. It feels normal because I know nothing else.. One thing though is that he doesn't become the stereotypical stoned bloke.. I knew loads of them in my student days and they were so lazy, laughing at nothing, no drive to do anything, munchies etc.. DP actually works better, dresses smartly, and is still very animated, conversational, good sex drive etcp. He smokes to forget something bad that happened to him (really bad) and to make the world seem like a nicer place. It costs a lot though and feels like a waste of family money.

Weed smokers don't offend me in general though, they rarely cause any bother for anyone.

Just to add these were two separate relationships I had (one in my early 20s one in my late 20s) but both had similar issues with weed.

You say you aren't walking on eggshells all the time because you pre-empt some of his triggers. But that is walking on eggshells, isn't it?

I think you need to be honest with yourself. who comes first? Him or your ds. Because bottom line, that is what you need to decide. You need to give him an ultimatum; either the weed or the family. It can't be both. Your lives will only deteriorate further. You will be bringing the child up without his help anyway, why not do it in a smoke-free/agression-free home? My biggest regret is not telling my ex to get lost earlier, before he had wasted 4 years of my life trying to convince me it was my fault. I was so so so much happier without him.

I wonder if your dp is abusive? What you say about turning the telly down reminds me of my ex. I think that you might be at the mid point of an abusive relationship where you are realising that your life with this man is going to be v. hard and relentless. The question is, will you get out now or will you wait for it to get worse? Because it will deteriorate if he doesn't do a 180. That shouting match will turn into him throwing something at you, which will turn into him grabbing you, which will turn into him holding you down. I hope I'm not massively projecting, but if you feel it is getting worse then I think WomensAid might be someone you can talk to and get advice. Just to get some perspective on what is happening.

My ex used to smoke it when he was younger and would occasionally do it with his friends when we were together. He was horrible to live with; short temper, everyone was out to get him, generally a bit delusional. Could have just been his personality and generally being a twat though!!

Iflyaway i'm not sure how you can say you're not paranoid and yet maintain that big pharma is attempting to suppress treatments for cancer in the same post? Cannabis oil is undergoing clinical trials as we speak.

So sorry OP - derailing. I think one's ability to handle it does depend on one's personality etc but yes long term it can cause mood swings etc. there's a difference between a spliff every now and again to relax and then becoming panicky and short tempered if it's not within easy access. Just as there's a difference between someone who likes a glass or three of wine of a friday night, and somebody who finds life unmanageable without it. It's not necessarily the intoxicant that's the problem but the user. Can you talk to him about it? What does he say?

Years ago we had a housemate who smoked a lot of skunk. He did it outside so it didn't bother us too much, though we weren't huge fans of it.

Turned out he was undiagnosed bipolar and the skunk did not help at all, and sadly we ended up calling the police and having him sectioned at 2am one night. Not a happy experience for everyone involved.

OP, in your position I would be making a very serious decision.

my dp uses it as do i, but not as much. I just use it to help me sleep, as it doesnt give me any side effects unlike the sleeping tablets i was on previously, or alcohol.

My experience is that its calming for him, and he uses it to self medicate. I would never ask him to stop. Its not my place to, although now he vapes, as he has given up tobacco, so im much happier about that.

I find it hard to see it as something he needs to stop. My dad always smoked it as I was growing up, as did lotss of people around me and relatives. I kind of have the same feeling about it as I do about people having a glass of wine here and there. Great if youre lucky enough to not need a little something to get you through the day, but certainly not a moral issue.