Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want DS in a Christening dress...

79 replies

SarahDuckandMummy · 20/10/2015 09:52

When he is not having a Christening?

DH side of the family had been hoping to have my DS Christened. The family is not especially religious but feel this is important. DH and I, after a lot of discussion have decided we don't want to have him Christened as we are not at all religious and we didn't even get married in a church. When DS is old enough he can decide for himself if he wants to be part of a religion and we would support him in whatever he chooses.

DH parents were upset about this. They have asked if they can put DS in the family Christening dress and have photos to 'pretend' there was an event and continue family tradition.

Just to add it was only DH and his brother that wore this dress, it's not exactly an heirloom!

AIBU to say no to this? We have said no to a Christening and this seems to be undermining that.

OP posts:
noeffingidea · 20/10/2015 09:57

I wouldn't have a problem with this, and I'm as atheist as they come.
It's just an outfit. Your inlaws just want to see him in it and take some photos. It won't mean he has been christened.
Assuming your inlaws are loving parents and grandparents that is.

Every1KnowsJeffTheJerkOlantern · 20/10/2015 09:59

Not you're not being unreasonable in my opinion. Its weird. Just reiterate your feelings on the subject and shut it down.

CocktailQueen · 20/10/2015 10:00

No. It's totally weird to dress ds in the christening dress if he's not actually being christened.

R0nJ0n · 20/10/2015 10:02

I do see your point, but I also think this is one of those pick your battles moments and refusing to briefly dress your DS in the Christening dress for few photos is probably not worth pissing your inlaws off for.

icanteven · 20/10/2015 10:04

I don't see any problem with having a professionally taken family photograph celebrating the new arrival, wearing the gown. It IS a nice tradition if you let it be, and it's not a "pretend" Christening, it's just a formal outfit for a baby.

You have said that you are not Christening the child, and that's fine, but what's the problem with a professional photo? Bring along a babygro if you want to have another picture of the baby NOT formally dressed.

I think you are overthinking it.

Helloitsme15 · 20/10/2015 10:07

Pretend there was an event? That's nuts.
Just say no. If you don't want to agree to real christening, why would you agree to a pretend one?

flowery · 20/10/2015 10:07

This bit "have asked if they can put DS in the family Christening dress and have photos" would not be so much of a problem. You could just put him in the outfit quickly, allow them to take a couple of pics, job done.

But this bit "to 'pretend' there was an event and continue family tradition" would be why I would say no.

PurpleDaisies · 20/10/2015 10:07

Well done for sticking to your principles and not getting your ds christened.

The dress thing is really weird. I would probably say they are welcome to do it on a day when they're looking after him but you're not taking part. The whole thing is bizarre.

VocationalGoat · 20/10/2015 10:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StormyBlue · 20/10/2015 10:13

Agree with Ron. It's such a small thing that requires no effort and doesn't mean anything officially but it sounds like it would quite upset your inlaws not to let them do it. I don't really see the principle behind not letting them, you're forgoing an actual Christening. I think it would come across as spiteful to refuse, and it's not worth the potential long term resentment.

(We are athiest/agnostic too and didn't have our DS christened).

maybebabybee · 20/10/2015 10:18

YANBU. Bizarre. Don't really understand why they would even want this.

Janeymoo50 · 20/10/2015 10:19

It's a bit odd, but the sort of thing some GP's do (and I sort of get it), I'd do it because it means so much to them and sometimes we do things we don't really want to because it makes other happy.

MrsEricBana · 20/10/2015 10:19

Totally agree with flowery and would say no too.

maybebabybee · 20/10/2015 10:26

I agree that you should do some things you don't really want to do to please others (within reason) but I really don't think this comes under that heading. It's just weird.

Nonnainglese · 20/10/2015 10:26

It does seem decidedly weird wanting 'pretend he's christened' photos- how will they explain them if and when he decides to be christened?

My DGS isn't christened for exactly the same reasons, and we're fine with it.

Fabellini · 20/10/2015 10:29

They're not going to sneak him off and have him christened without you, are they?
I'm sure there was a thread about that some years ago!

DisappointedOne · 20/10/2015 10:29

Wouldn't go near this with a shitty stick.

marmitemofo · 20/10/2015 10:29

YANBU. I never understand people wanting to christen children when not religious. It's also weird for them to randomly decide they want to 'pretend' it was done. I'd just say no, you don't feel comfortable with it.

WhereYouLeftIt · 20/10/2015 10:33

Rather than "put DS in the family Christening dress and have photos to 'pretend' there was an event" (that pretence is just all kinds of wrong ), I'd maybe just have an event. A family party to introduce the baby to the wider family (aunts, cousins, great aunts etc.). Not a Christening, a party. Photos can be taken at the party and they can have copies and nobody pretends.

It is quite weird of his parents to want this so badly though. It would be more understandable if this dress had been used for several generations, but just the one? Are they the type of people for whom 'show' is important? Do they feel they have to have the correct photos on display, the visible amount of contact with their grandchildren etc. to impress their friends and neighbours?

DisappointedOne · 20/10/2015 10:34

I wonder whether a couple who didn't want to marry would dress up in wedding attire for photos on the request of a relative. I suspect not.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 20/10/2015 10:36

I would be quite happy to have some photos taken of DS wearing the family christening robe, as long as they aren't used to pretend he has been christened if we'd decided not to do that.
My DC weren't christened for various reasons including we're raising them within the Quaker tradition which doesn't have christenings or baptisms. Also I don't really like the idea of dividing children in a "sheep and goats" kind of way - if you get my biblical reference (otherwise it must sound odd!)
I'm sure if there is a God he/she loves all of her children equally whether or not they've been sprinkled with water at the local steeple house church Smile

Bloomsberry · 20/10/2015 10:37

Of course yanbu. What a weird idea, to have a fake christening and dress up a baby in some ridiculous white confection associated with a ceremony you are (rightly to my mind) ideologically opposed to. I'd be saying a firm no. And if I could be bothered, I'd be very interested in why it's so important for your ILs to have pretend photographs of a ceremony that didn't happen? Are they religious, or is this more to do with 'stamping' the baby with their family 'tradition'?

maybebabybee · 20/10/2015 10:38

disappointed Grin excellent point!

FruVikingessOla · 20/10/2015 10:44

It does seem rather weird.

But couldn't this backfire on them - and probably you too - when they start showing the photos around to various members of the family who will then start to wonder why they weren't invited to the Christening?

sodabreadjam · 20/10/2015 10:48

Yes, this is a weird request.

I wouldn't be happy about doing it but might give in if the photograph is for their viewing only.

However, I suspect they are the kind of people who care very much what other people think and they will therefore be showing the "christening" photo off to their friends, wider family, etc.

You might be caught in a web of lies, having to pretend their was a christening and with some people annoyed because they weren't invited.