Pregnant Sister AIBU?

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So SIL is pregnant with twins (IVF pregnancy), & I'm feeling pretty fed up with her (please tell me I'm being unreasonable so I can shake it off) basically since she announced she has been very O.T.T, saying she can't clean, can't do anything strenuous, shes going to be huge, her sickness is terrible, basically she has said she should have bed rest because her pregnancy is precious, she rang my mum saying she had a cold, mum told her to take a paracetamol (shes a nurse) but she ignored her anyway went to the doctors who basically told her the same thing, she also keeps going on about how her babies should be very intelligent because shes been taking extra folic acid & supplements for a year.

I've tried to offer her advice about things to aid sickness, based on my experience and she shot me down saying it's much worse with twins, anything I say she shoots me down, I'm trying to bond with her over the pregnancy but she's acting like the only person who has ever been pregnant . She also said she won't be going to term (which is common with twins anyway) because her babies are more precious, she said this in front of our cousin who had a very late loss (7 months). I know IVF is very a hard emotional thing to go through but I can't seem to stop wanting to bang my head against a wall when I see her. AIBU?

The think is I had very bad sickness, I had to be hospitalised on christmas day, & I was throwing up everywhere & anywhere. So I found it a bit mean she said I didn't know what it was like. I think my sister might become "one of those mums" competitive & annoying.

wannabe actually she's not the same as any other pregnant woman. She's a women who has had to go through hell to get pregnant and now gets to spend the next few months wondering if her chance of having a child will be taken away from her. (OK, I may be projecting, but I certainly spent a lot of my IVF pregnancy terrified of miscarriage in the way most pregnant women aren't.)

Agree with some others that she may be calling them precious as that's what the consultants say.

I can see how both of you feel. I've been pregnant with twins (not IVF) and a single baby, and the twin pregnancy was tougher for me. Also, the attitude of the healthcare professionals was very different, and they constantly talked about potential problems and difficulties and complications. So some of this might have rubbed off on her. Having said that, she might be going a little OTT, which must be annoying. I still cleaned, lifted things and took paracetamol when necessary. And there's no excuse for insensitivity towards bereaved parents.

This is slightly off topic but how does the consultant know the baby is a result of IVF? When my sister had IVF the IVF consultant told her that once the pregnancy was confirmed she then entered into the antenatal system just like any other pregnant woman and they had no handover, so the only way the consultant would know was if she told him/her. Is that not how it works elsewhere?

Toobreathless you can refuse to believe what you like I don't give a shit. It's pretty obvious that the process of developing 2 babies is going to be more tiring and put more stress on the body than one.

No baby is more precious than any other due to the way they were conceived but going through a long drawn out process to get there definitely meant for me personally that I was more aware of the risks and didn't take anything for granted.

YANBU. She is being annoying and offensive to you and your cousin. I would have difficulty having the patience to put up with this. Avoid or maybe call her out on her more ridiculous comments.

And to add my voice to the comments up thread, I am 27 weeks with my first and am not acting remotely like OP's sister!

If you've had hyperemesis or severe sickness yourself then for goodness sake think bank to how it made you feel and have a little compassion.

Toobreathless you can refuse to believe what you like I don't give a shit. It's pretty obvious that the process of developing 2 babies is going to be more tiring and put more stress on the body than one

I think she meant that being pregnant with 1 whilst running after a toddler would be equally exhausting, rather than saying that being pregnant with 1 is as tiring as twins.

For most of it, I'm afraid you need to get over yourself. You don't know how she does or doesn't feel and it's none of your business whether she cooks or cleans or not. You also have to consider the possibility that she doesn't particularly want your advice or to bond over the pregnancy, and she's not obliged to either. By all means feel as irritated as you like over all this, and bang your head against the wall if you must, but it's you who's BU.

However, what she said in front of your cousin was just awful. You're not being even slightly unreasonable to object to that.

I have had 2 ivf pregnancies. During the first I carried on as normal. I lost that baby at 33 weeks. During the 2nd pregnancy I didn't work and wouldn't take even the slightest risk eg no caffeine, not even chocolate and I opted for a planned section at 37 weeks. I never went on about it to anyone else though.
Unless she has any other medical problems she will be treated like any other mother expecting twins. If she is is usually ok I would ignore what she says and she may tone it down.

Yabu.
This has I'm sure been a difficult journey for her, she'll be feeling incredibly anxious and she's your sister. Cut her some slack.

I was extremely precious during my ivf pregnancy. Once the pregnancy was progressing normally and i was being treated as a 'normal' pregnant woman I calmed down a bit.

I would let her off with the majority of it but I think you should have called her up on the cousin issue. I don't understand when people have an opportunity to say something, don't and then complain about it on the Internet

I dispute whoever said that all women are like this with their first. I'm 20 weeks with my first and I certainly hope that I'm not like this.

I also agree she's being annoying. I've had 3 miscarriages so I'm not unsympathetic to the fact that it is terrifying being pregnant thinking something will go wrong, but I really don't think it's an excuse - what she said to your cousin was completely unforgivable.

IME women who are like this when pregnant are also like this when their PFBs arrive - so brace yourself for more!

You can go through a lot to get pregnant and still behave like an idiot afterwards, it doesn't excuse it. She sounds annoying as hell to be honest. I have known several pregnant with IVF twins women and they did not behave like her.

I was anxious as hell about all my pregnancies, with v good reason, and I didn't feel the need to play top trumps with all other people.

Id just let her get on with it. Some women obviously have a worse time than others during pregnancy.
I have known women stop doing the most basic things when they are pregnant, for example, refusing to lift anything heavier than a cup of tea, but that's them and we don't know how they are feeling on the inside so it's a bit unfair on your dsis for you to be annoyed. With the exception of the comment made in front of your cousin which could be put down to not thinking before speaking, I think you're being a bit U.

I was lucky, I have had 4 pretty smooth pregnancies and was the opposite trying to be superwoman doing the same as always right up until I went into labour. However, I understand that others don't or haven't had the best of times.

It's understandable that she's anxious, but she does sound like hard work!

Can you tune out or just not get drawn in?

She feels sick, is probably scared stiff and has had a rough time getting pregnant. You could just let her get on with it and cut her some slack.

Keep a lovely little diary of "quotes" context and dates.

Either use it as a "yup, she is batshit" reference book

Or

When she returns to normal, give her a copy and laugh about it with her.

Draw specific attention to the comment in front of cousin.

treacle That's not what I was told, the fact I'd had IVF was in my notes as it can carry increased risks of things like placenta previa and restricted growth and was the reason I had consultant-led care in the first place. I was booked in for extra growth scans as a matter of course. Of course she will probably have told the consultant herself as well!

She doesn't want to bond; you said it yourself, really, she wants this to be the only pg ever in the history of the universe! So she's being a precious flower and bloody annoying.

For the moment, just let her. Maybe you'll be able to laugh about it together in a few years's time.

If you can make a few little comments, soto voce, which could gently and humourously and lovingly remind her that she isn't really that unique, it might alleviate your feelings a bit. But don't alienate her, unless you've always hated her.

Well, yes clearly that was what I meant. Obviously growing 2 babies is harder than 1 BUT lots of us are pregnant and looking after small children.

there seems little point attempting to argue this with some the overly emotional poster who attacked me without reading my post properly first though.