To feel unhappy

7 replies

Joolsy · 18/10/2015 21:46

OH works full time & pays the majority of the bills/food etc. I work 15 hours a week & do most of the childcare. I have 2 days off a week and while I catch up on housework then, I do also have a bit of free time (see a friend for coffee, exercise class etc). OH is very generous with money but he often goes to football on a Sat afternoon & plays golf Sunday morning. He also meets his mate for a drink on Fri & Sat night for a couple of hours & plays sport once or twice during the week (evenings). He says I can have as much free time as I like but the thing is, I don't WANT to be away from our DDs (6 and 12). He says he wants to do these things while he's young enough to do it. I just feel we're not on his list of priorities. When he is at home he's usually doing DIY/gardening etc which I appreciate as I'm not much good at it, but he rarely sits down to actually engage with our DDs. Should I stop moaning and just accept that he's the breadwinner & I'm the childcarer?

OP posts:

Purplepoodle · 18/10/2015 22:22

compromise. If he's at football Saturday then no golf Sunday - then make it a family day to do something together. Same with the drinks - start with a Friday or a Saturday weekly then compromise on reducing it to every other week. Is their some activity he could take dc to instead?

Original poster

Joolsy · 19/10/2015 09:04

Not reallly, though the older one could go to football with him. Thanks x

OP posts:

shebird · 19/10/2015 09:15

I think we are married to the same man OP

Axekick · 19/10/2015 09:21

I don't think Yabu but I don't think he is either.

If you want him to interact more with the dds I would tell him that. Personally I think hobbies are a good thing. Both me and dh have our own. He hasn't been going to his recently and I wish he would so I can have time on my own with the kids.

Maybe it would be better if you did go out and do something when he is there. Does he get anytime with the kids on his own.

Your kids are growing up, it's not unusual to have a hobby.

I just think you can't expect him to feel the same as you. It's quite unusual to never be away from the kids.

Collaborate · 19/10/2015 12:19

You just want to do different things. He's out much less than half the time. You could go out too, you know, but you choose not to. That's up to you. But it does sound like you want to dictate to him how he should spend that time. You prefer to stay in. He likes to go out. Different strokes.

Original poster

Joolsy · 19/10/2015 15:07

Yes but I think going out should reduce when you have children. He hasn't reduced his going out time since they came along. But what you are saying makes alot of sense and I realise I can't expect him to be like me. TBH I can't ever remember my dad spending much 1 on 1 time with me but I still had a fantastic relationship with him growing up

OP posts:

Axekick · 19/10/2015 15:15

I do agree that time away from the home may need to reduce when you have your kids. However, when kids are getting the ages yours are, I don't see the issue with it increasing again.

If you are unhappy you need to talk about it. With an open mind on both sides. Not with thee assumption either is right and must convince the others.

It does kind of sound like you are sayin bye shouldn't do something, because you choose not to. Which isn't really right, especially since you don't want to do anything, at all, without the kids. Honestly I couldn't be like that. Not saying you are wrong. We are all different.

What about giving himself some time on his own with the kids? Wouldn't that be beneficial?

Flip