to wonder why people send their children to private schools?

[TheStripyGruffalo]

People I know have done it for various reasons a) because they want their children to get all A* grade b) because they don't want their children mixing with the people at the local comprehensive and c) because they think it looks good to have children at a private school.

If you send your children private do you mind saying why? I'm genuinely interested (and I'm not a journalist). We didn't choose private schools because we thought our DC would not be comfortable being amongst the poorest families there.

Both my Dcs go state. In fact I've just applied for my 3 preferences of secondary schools for 2015 so schools are really on my mind.

My dd is really academically bright. Her average state primary has been good for her. Sports and music leave a lot to be desired but she has enjoyed school, never had a problem and thrived.
I've chosen an 'average' fairly local comp for her first choice purely because when we visited the school really excited her. Music and sports are readily available and expectations are high. It's where she felt she'd be happy. We'll wait and see.

I went to a comp in the 1980's. It was before league tables. People from our school went to Oxbridge, some went to prison and everything in between (one of then is now regularly on your Telly!) . I did very well. I never felt bullied because I wanted to learn. I had teachers who instilled in me a great love of certain subjects even today.

With my job (author/literary events) I get to visit different schools all over the country. I get to meet and spend time with all kinds of children. I can honestly say that I've never found a huge difference in enthusiasm, imagination, language, humor and engagement in all the children I've seen. The private schools I've visited certainly have the best behaved - if that means 'quieter'. I personally like a bit of excitement and chatter in my workshops and events. At one private school a Y8 boy seemed utterly perplexed and discouraged when I told him the work he was doing with me was just for fun/one off and not going towards his end of term marks.

I've had rude and un-knowledgable teachers in both sectors. The lack of up to date awareness of new children's literature can be astounding.

So what's my point? I agree there's good at bad in both sectors. For me personally, I've not seen anything yet (except for the odd amazingly furnished library!) that would make me feel the huge monetary sacrifice is worth it.

harry it's not always what it seems. In both sectors I suppose. On open day our local comp wheeled out a few musical students to show the depth of musical provision, and waxed on about orchestras etc. In reality the orchestra didn't really happen, ensembles were cancelled most of the time, the play they had spoke about had happen a few years ago....but on open days it all seemed very current.

I think parents make the decision on what resources they have and what they can get for their money in private, and what's available in the state sector in their area.

There was a very organised social side to my DD private school, formal dinners, garden parties after exams and balls. Everyone was expected to attend which if you are quiet still means you can go. At the state school few of these opportunities existed, meaning if you didn't have a selection of friends to invite you to the post exams celebration, you didn't do anything. Thus we found private was inclusive, state exclusive as it depended on being in the gang.

Contacts
That is all

No, it isn't. When DW and I were discussing it that word never passed our lips and the thought never entered my mind. SFAIK DS (now 30) has had no contact through work with anyone he knew at school since the day he left, although he is in touch with one or two socially.

Mine don't go private at primary however we are planning to move to an area with better schools for secondary so we are buying our way into a better school through increased mortgage payments.

With regard to private school not getting you connections unless it is a top one - that's not always true. My brother (who went to a local private school) got a job as an estate agent in a top end agency even though he had no experience. The reason why he got the job was because he met the owner of the agency at a school friends wedding. He has such a good network of their potential clients - both selling and buying. The parents and children that he met at his school (the lawyers, doctors, business people) are exactly the target market. If he had not gone to that school he would never have got that job.

We don't particularly want our kids mixing with everyone, I'm perfectly happy with them in a nice middle class bubble. We want them in schools where high expectation is the norm.

Jesus christ almighty. Fucking charming.

"We don't particularly want our kids mixing with everyone, I'm perfectly happy with them in a nice middle class bubble"

That's fantastic! I love it when people are honest on threads like this. I hate the mealy mouthed long winded explanations.

true bertrand, at least if you're going to be a snob you might as well be honest about it.

Bert - yes I was being ironic.

"My brother (who went to a local private school) got a job as an estate agent in a top end agency even though he had no experience. The reason why he got the job was because he met the owner of the agency at a school friends wedding"

Not sure that's anything to be proud of!

I was privately educated all my school life. I went to a private prep school from age 4 and then a private secondary from age 10.

I can't say it's given me contacts or advantages in life - I'm 26 and have been living at home for two years after being made redundant. I still haven't been able to find another job. I can promise you I made no advantageous contacts at school I think unless you go to the really top tier schools like Eton and Harrow, the contacts and Old Boys network argument is a bit of a myth.

We've never been rolling in cash as a family. My father worked as an accountant in a regional firm, so although his salary was good, it wasn't astronomical. My dad was the first one in his family to get a degree, and my mum is from a Barnsley mining family... Don't exactly have pedigree bloodlines either!

At private school, I socialised with a wide variety of people. There were uber rich kids there of course, but there were many like me on the less well off end of the scale, there were those who came from very poor backgrounds but were there on scholarships for exceptional talent, we had a whole host of Korean, Chinese, Japanese, African and German kids too. Hell in one or two classes I was the only Brit kid there! Arguably more diverse than the local state school, whose all-white kids all came from the same 5 square miles

I don't honestly know why my parents sent me to private school. I've heard them say that they looked at state schools before but went with the private prep instead, but I couldn't tell you exactly why. I don't think it was determined from birth that we would be educated privately - I think they just chose the best local school available.

It may be an honest answer about being in a happy middle class bubble but is absolutely not true in many peoples cases.

I thought middle class values were all about mixing & diversity?

We sent ours to private schools for small class sizes, great facilities and good teaching. An added benefit is being treated like a customer - parents evenings are well run, communication is excellent and the exam results are great.

"Weird because there's much more diversity at our private school than the local primary."

That's interesting. What %age FSM?

I do think it's hilarious that people send their DC to private school thinking they are going to mix with naice middle class kids who are well behaved.

Reminds me of a boyfriend I once had who went to our local private - I went to the local comp and his mother was completely horrified he was going out with me in case I introduced her precious son to drugs or drinking. Which was quite amusing given that the private school kids were notorious for drugs, drinking and underage sex. I didn't drink at all until I was 18 and I still haven't had a drug in my life apart from one spliff in Amsterdam about five years ago.

How do you know my children are any different to yours? Their best friends are those they went to preschool and state infant school with and they are the ones we see the most outside of school. We are very ordinary, not snobbish at all but it's very easy for you to judge me over the internet isn't it.

It would be dishonest for me to say we are happy in our middle class bubble, we are not middle class, my dad works in a factory and my mum was a SAHM then a receptionist. FIL was an ordinary office worker and a single parent to DH. Yes DH and I now have professional jobs, but not high up ones particularly. Define middle class? We chose the school due to issues with DS at his previous school and for other opportunities.

I actually find less judgement from the staff, parents etc at the private school than on MN. I am friends with many parents from the school now, some earn 7 figure salaries some fairly low salaries and receive bursaries for sports, music or academic scholarships. Most people do not seem to think more or less of people due to their lifestyle and those few who do would not be on my radar.

TBH the school my boys are at is very normal and we chose it as opposed to the 'posher' private schools in the area partly for this reason. There are behaviour issues but it is easier to deal with as the school can be selective with regards to this but they are not selective on someone's background.

How enlightening, other areas must be very different to mine in how people prioritise mixing. Because I've never met anyone who has turned down a good state school and instead deliberately sought out a real sink school that everyone else avoids like the plague for the benefit of mixing outside their Middle class bubble. How socially minded and noble.

Bertrand that's hardly the only definition of diversity. I suspect there were a number of pupils who would have been on FSM in the state system at my private school, who were there on scholarships, but frankly it's none of my business.

My private school had pupils from all over the world - we had a fantastic ethnic and international diversity. The local state school all came from the same town and was 100% white.

The pupils had a huge range of economic backgrounds, from landed gentry to rich city parents all the way through regular middleclass people like my family right down to the lowest socio-economic groups from the town we were in. The local state school was largely made up of the same working to lower middle class that make up the town the school was in.

Which do you think, out of the two schools in my town, was more diverse?

Better children? Better morals?

I would never have guessed that's what some people think.

Love the estate agent anecdote. Ha. All that money spent on an education, eh.