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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dc1 has come home upset are they BU?

53 replies

systemusername · 16/10/2015 16:59

I have name changed so other posts aren't linked. If you do recognise me please don't out me. Dc1 is in secondary school and has SN. Many of the sn pupils have fidget tangles to aid concentration.
The senco in school gives these tangles out but some parents have purchased spares.

There has never been an issue with this. The school however have a new acting head who seems to be trying to assert her position. Today she has said in assembly allegedly that tangles must be used in pockets and If she sees any child using theirs out of their pocket she's going to go round and confiscate EVERYONES.

DC1 is distraught. A. They are struggling at the moment and struggling with anxiety and b . They are rather protective about belongings and often has panic attacks if they think they have lost something and HATES if things feel unjust.

I have no issue with backing school rules but taking an sn aid from an sn child on the basis of another childs actions seems a bit mean.

DC1 is really struggling at the moment and I have been struggling to get them to go to school and now they are worked up over this.

OP posts:
hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 16/10/2015 17:06

I'd love to know the head's reasoning, I'd be very concerned that she has very little understanding of sn.

WildStallions · 16/10/2015 17:09

Odds are they'll never follow through with this threat - the SENCO for one is hardly likely to back it.

So reassure your DC that it probably won't actually happen.

LineyReborn · 16/10/2015 17:10

I don't think schools should be allowed to collectively punish children with SN. Can you check with the Deputy Head?

Original poster
systemusername · 16/10/2015 17:14

I'm not convinced I wouldn't happen. From my previous knowledge and experience of her she doesn't seem very switched on where sn is concerned.

DC1 is currently exploding over it and threatening to ring the police and have her done for theft if she takes theirs Blush

In reality though Its not her that has to deal with the meltdowns when dc1 already hates the place.

OP posts:
Original poster
systemusername · 16/10/2015 17:15

It not I sorry

OP posts:
starlight2007 · 16/10/2015 17:20

Gosh awful timing on a Friday evening.. I would email the school and reassure your DC you are looking in to it for them.

claraschu · 16/10/2015 17:23

This is terrible if it is true. First I would check to make sure that DC didn't misunderstand, then (if it's true) I would ask for a meeting with the head, and try to have the SENCO there to back you up. Clearly, this should never happen, or even be threatened.

PallasCat · 16/10/2015 17:29

Erm... the acting head is suggesting that SN pupils should go about school fidgeting in their trouser pockets? Especially when dealing with anxiety? Superb.

Aside from your completely reasonable and more sensitive concerns, this is clearly going to open up a group of vulnerable teenagers to ridicule. (Apologies for being crude, but I work with adolescent boys - this has triggered my idiotic behaviour alarm)

This is a thoroughly stupid approach to dealing with a perceived issue which is not an issue at all. I'd like to think at least one member of staff will see the multiple problems here.

Seriously, as PPs have said, this sounds to me like an idle threat. The fact that it is directed at SN pupils suggests the AH has limited understanding of SN. By secondary I'd expect most non-SN pupils to have a cynical view of punishment threats along the lines of "You're all staying behind until someone owns up to... blah blah blah" but a pupil with ASD or anxiety, for example, would respond very differently. An AH should know this.

Do you have a good relationship with the SENCO? I would discuss your concerns with them if possible.

Good luck - I hope the SENCO steps up.

tiredofbadwifi · 16/10/2015 17:31

She sounds like she has no experience with sn children, do you know if this is her first job with them? Maybe try to talk to her about how this new ruke is going to affect things? Ask for a meeting and explain the situation and that she won't have to deal with him having a meltdown. Get SENCO person to come too and back you up? Get other parents involved so it doesn't look like it's just you? God it's awful when there's a new head and they try to assert themselves... Hope it goes well Flowers

MissMarpleCat · 16/10/2015 17:38

I worked in a sn school and was appalled at the new deputy heads treatment of some children. She was very authoritarian and seemed to have no knowledge of disabilities. I left shortly after her appointment. The teachers despised her and her bad practice. I hope you manage to sort something out, your poor dc.

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 16/10/2015 17:38

I'd personally be tempted to rip her a new bumhole because she sounds like a vile bully, but I realise that that's not a very sensible option.

As a second tactic, I'd point out she would be discriminating against a disabled person if she carried out the stupid threat, and that should she wish to lose her acting-headship so quickly to carry on.

Original poster
systemusername · 16/10/2015 17:39

She's been in school a fairly long time and was a subject teacher in school before this so I am dismayed. She is only covering as person she is covering for had a serious illness.

I'm going to speak to senco but dc1 is pretty damn accurate in parroting what has been said usually.

OP posts:
WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 16/10/2015 17:50

I would let him call the police (non emergency) and report the theft!

She does not sound like the best teacher for sn.

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 16/10/2015 17:53

Side comment...

Where can I buy a fidget tangle?

Sounds ideal for my dd.

TaliZorah · 16/10/2015 17:55

I'd be making a complaint about how insensitive comments have upset my child who has SN and increased their anxiety levels. I'd also ask this head what her qualifications in SN are.

TaliZorah · 16/10/2015 17:56

WhyCant Google "fidget toys" there's loads

Original poster
systemusername · 16/10/2015 17:56

Whycanti there's loads but these are the cheapest www.tinknstink.co.uk/parents-shop/tangles/tangle-junior-smooth.html

OP posts:
CrohnicallyAspie · 16/10/2015 17:58

whycan'tI where are you? There is a website called stimtastic in the us that has lots of different fidget toys, they are cheap but shipping adds up if you are not in the us. And eBay has lots but you do need to be careful with quality.

TheStripyGruffalo · 16/10/2015 17:59

She sounds like somebody who has to operate a dictatorship because she thinks she can't control the children any other way. It won't work and she is being unreasonable.

Brioche201 · 16/10/2015 18:03

Well if its in his pocket, nobody will knows he has it will they?

Original poster
systemusername · 16/10/2015 18:04

I must admit im a bit against taking belongings from children as it is. I understand some kids mess and understand confiscating things till the end of the day but actually at no time in my adult life has someone taken my belongings because ive been fidgeting and binned them or kept them locked until the end of term. (both things i have heard at secondary).

OP posts:
Original poster
systemusername · 16/10/2015 18:08

Brioche all the kids know which kids have tangles so would say if someone didn't admit to theirs.
Plus tangles are not made to be used in a small trouser pocket and the girls skirts don't have pockets.

OP posts:
minimalistaspirati0ns · 16/10/2015 18:12

I think you need to email the head and state what your DC said. Outline your concerns

StatueOfBiberty · 16/10/2015 18:13

For those looking to get some I got 3 Tangle Jnr off Amazon for £6 just before the start of this school year xXx

TheTigerIsOut · 16/10/2015 18:21

I would probably check first that this is definitively not a rumour, and then report it to the SN coordinator in the LEA.

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