to expect my 3 year old to sleep through the night and other own?

[cathyearnshaw]

So DD is 3. We have always co-slept and she helps herself to boob whenever she wants- probably 2 or 3 times a night and sleeps through til 8 ish. DH and I went away for 4 nights; on the first night she cried a bit then slept through on the rest.

We came back. She wakes 3 times a night and for the day at 6. DH says no more boob. She cries a bit but is not distraught but I can't go to her as trying to night wean and DH is exhausted. As am I as I wake up too and I can hear her crying.

Surely after 5 nights of this she should have settled? I think it's not going to change right now. I was expecting a few nights of this but it's not changing at all. My solution is just to go back to how we were with me sleeping with her because we all get sleep that way but DH says no.

Oh dear lord. If you think that was aggressive you clearly don't get out much.

I definitely don't think it is bad parenting at all.

Of course feeding your baby (by breast or bottle!) is more than just feeding. The eye contact, the cuddling is wonderful.

Mustbeloopy I am not advocating removing comfort from the child. Far from it! I don't breastfeed my six year old or my four year old but I know they get huge comfort from cuddles and there special bears they cuddle going to sleep!

This child may need the comfort of breastfeeding still, taking that away can be devastating if done in a harsh, quick manner. Just because your two DCs don't seek comfort and reassurance through breastfeeding doesn't mean other people's DCs don't too.

It's just a bad habit to be broken. I'm with the ops dh. No milk at night once they're weaned onto solids in this house, there's no need and it's bad for their teeth.

Enough quality sleep is impossible for the whole family.

Bestrongandcourageous it is possible to post without attacking or being rude. Do you remember having a four month old?

The poster wasn't being unsupportive of the OP. She simply posted her experience which to my mind is as valid as anyone else.

I get out plenty thank you and no I don't need a breastfeed... Ridiculous comments!

Wow. Breastfeeding is not a bad habit and I think if you look at the research it's formula and bottle feeds during the night that are bad for teeth, not breastfeeding.

Yeah, it's only bad for their teeth when it is in a bottle diddly

I think the rudeness came from peggyundercrackers stating that the OP was feeding her child "for her own benefit", actually, and that deserved a far more "aggressive" response than it got.

But do carry on defending the person who posted such idiotic bile and hasn't been back since, I'm sure they appreciate your efforts.

There are nursing caries. Lots of dentists would agree that the naturally occurring sugars in bm are bad for teeth.

Bfing isn't a bad habit. Multiple times at night is.

breastfeedingwithoutbs.blogspot.co.uk/2011/10/bullshitometer-no-average-age-of.html

Yes, I've read that article Yummy, and I agree that quoting 4 as an average without evidence is wrong. However the fact about natural term feeding being somewhere between 2.5 and 7 is correct, making 3 yrs comfortably within that range.

You do understand that the way a child breastfeeding doesn't allow milk to pool in the mouth right? Seriously misinformation can be the difference between happiness and a lot of emotional stress.

Breast feeds not breastfeeding

If your dh has said "no more boob" then don't give him any. Keep feeding the toddler if you want to though.

My 3 year old is happily sleeping in his own bed but will come through in the morning for a cuddle and (50% of the time) a feed. He is reducing his feeds and his need to sleep with me gradually, and at his own pace, as did his sibling before him.

This is going to be a thread killer but I can't help myself.

'Normal' is a very difficult word to get to grips with.
If we mean 'statistically average' the word has clear application, for example "It is normal for children in Japan to breast feed when they are 3yo". This is a factual claim which can be checked against what children in Japan actually do.

Other times it means "occurs in nature" so the claim "Human children breast feed at 3yo" will be correct if there is at least one human child who has breast fed at 3yo.

The problem is that 'normal' is often used with normative connotations as opposed to 'abnormal' and to mean something that should happen rather than what happens. "It is not normal for a 3yo to breast feed" is a normative claim and requires further support, I.e. why is it not normal?

It is a fallacy to conflate normative and empirical aspects of normal, e.g. "It is not normal for 3yo to breast feed because no 3yo breast feed in the UK". The second part of the sentence is a factual claim and even if we suppose it to be true what 3yo do tells us nothing about what 3yo should do which is the subject matter of the first part of the claim.

There's no problem with BFing a 3 year old, but throughout the night - no. I agree with your husband that it's time you reclaimed your sleep. If I were you I'd replace the feeds with snuggling, and work from there.

I am the OP.

Bestrong- yes I was gobsmacked at Peggy's arrogance and rudeness. And tempting fate. So thanks for commenting on it.

Whoever it was who said we were cruel for going away for 3 nights. Well she was left with close relatives, her sister was there for cuddles and it would have been more cruel if her parents had separated. First time in 8 years DH and I spent a night away together and our relationship was hanging by a thread. It did us the world of good. And she has never ever been left to cry on her own in a room. Not sure where that info came from.

So following useful advice (from some of you) last night DH went down to her with the agreement I would go down at 6 and bfeed her. However she got in a state before then so I donned bra plus sports bra and co slept with her. I say slept. Lay wake for over 2 hours while she intermittently scrabbled at the sports bra and sobbed that she didn't want to wait til morning for boob. It was heartrending but it does need to be done. She needs to night wean. I'm happier as I got to cuddle her etc But not sure how many nights I can do so hoping she will accept that soon. She is a very determined little girl.

I think the op is getting a rather un-necessary hard time from some on this thread. She is asking for some advice and support, she doesn't need people being judgy about her choices imho.

OP Would you try expressing and putting it in a beaker so your dd is not so distressed when she can't have a feed directly from you, you could still give her cuddles whilst she has her milk. It will get better

"She is asking for some advice and support, she doesn't need people being judgy about her choices imho."

She posted on AIBU not Sleep, Development, or Relationships. The thread's title is "AIBU to expect my 3 year old to sleep through the night and on her own?"

Some people rightly said YANBU, you definitely should be expecting a 3-year-old to sleep through in her own bed. But now that is not what the wants to do and people who said YANBU are being "judgy"?

Meh, I thought it was fairly obvious from the OP that it wasn't an AIBU really, and the OP should probably have posted in Chat or Sleep. I don't think that it's helpful for people to indulge their knee jerk AIBU responses without engaging a little empathy.

OP, maybe post again in Sleep/Parenting/Behaviour to avoid the AIBU type responses.