to expect my 3 year old to sleep through the night and other own?

[cathyearnshaw]

So DD is 3. We have always co-slept and she helps herself to boob whenever she wants- probably 2 or 3 times a night and sleeps through til 8 ish. DH and I went away for 4 nights; on the first night she cried a bit then slept through on the rest.

We came back. She wakes 3 times a night and for the day at 6. DH says no more boob. She cries a bit but is not distraught but I can't go to her as trying to night wean and DH is exhausted. As am I as I wake up too and I can hear her crying.

Surely after 5 nights of this she should have settled? I think it's not going to change right now. I was expecting a few nights of this but it's not changing at all. My solution is just to go back to how we were with me sleeping with her because we all get sleep that way but DH says no.

Exactly pyjamarama. Although I did post in AIBU....

I too have an older child, who slept through from 8 months. She started bed hopping at 2 1/2 though but we sorted it painlessly and quickly. All children are different- nothing I did with the older one works on the younger.

So Peggy, a couple of weeks of sleeping through is no guarantee of anything.

Seriously cote, I genuinely don't see the difference. Please explain how taking comfort from the breast is different to taking comfort from anything else during night waking, for a 3 year old.

Agreed peggy
I concur with OP's DH. Poor bugger would love a decent night's sleep I bet.

I don't normally post on feeding but wanted you say I really feel for you Op. I fed Ds until 18 months- only at night from 12 months- and we have always co slept. He was waking 4 times a night at 18 months and always settled with a feed. I was exhausted. I went away overnight for the first couple of days- came back in the day- and DH cuddled him back to sleep and slept with him. Took about a week for him to accept that. Gave up bf entirely then- my insistence.

Six months on he goes to sleep in his cot until midnight ish then quick cuddle when he wakes and into bed with us, and he sleeps the rest of the night. Hoping to convince him to stay in it all night soon but am keen to do this gently.

The most useful thing for me was developing a repertoire of other sleep cues in the weeks before I left him with DH- music box, certain stories and soothing phrases which helped. Good luck.

Um, sorry Peggy, but it's not normal for a typical four month old to sleep through That's just not true.

I hate the "you're not doing it for the child, you're doing it for you" line. Oh yeh cuz we definitely choose to be woken 10 times a night because we just CANT let go that they're not a newborn anymore. And we love not being able to sleep because there's a child attached to our boobs which by the way have turned into pitta bread shaped flops, and we love SO much that if we tell the child no, they scream until the neighbours start knocking on asking if everything's okay. We just fucking love it. It's all about us. Sleep deprivation is so awesome to us that we'd somehow magically make our children wake numerous times each night for our own satisfaction.

Please.

Apparently OP, an idea I read was to only feed between a certain time & let that time get shorter, if that makes any sense.

I've tried bribery, gradual retreat, shush-patting, dummies, milk before bed, milk by the side of the bed, a huge supper, I've even been given Phenerghan for his allergies which the doctor told me would give me a little break too (I think he noticed how frazzled I looked) & I've even tried controlled crying which I would never suggest and never thought I would do, & am kind of ashamed to admit!

Kid just does what he wants regardless. Sigh! We've got bad sleepers, but I bet you've got a great kid!

It's not usual for a 4 month old to sleep through particularly not a breastfed baby.

Op you'd probably get more sense on the sleep or feeding section.

We have upgraded our bed so our 20 month and 4 year old can co-sleep. Our DS stopped night feeds aged 11 months and DD 8 months. Both times becaus I went back to work. We decided as a couple to do it then (DH did the bed time to avoid a fuss over me not feeding them down).

We didn't stop night feeds and co-sleeping at the same time as we felt it was too much change. I wore tops to bed to make it harder to get booby access. That combined with lots of cuddles did the trick but it did take a week or two.

For what it's worth we find co-sleeping a non issue as they both being themselves in around 2-4am.

You need to find something that works for you as a family. Your DH may have worded it wrongly but if his general tone was 'we've got this far so don't quit now' then I'd agree with him. You've probably broken the back of it. However I would say that in my experience it's kinder/easier to separate night feeds and co-sleeping

Sorry. Bit of a ramble there! Hope it helps! And if you do continue co-sleeping then enjoy the cuddles...it won't last forever! !

The ISIS sleep project (unfortunate name these days!) has lots of useful info about normal sleep patterns for babies. According to them, most 4 months old will not be sleeping through, where sleeping through is defined as a block of 5 hrs.

OP, good luck with whatever you decide.

Link:

https://www.isisonline.org.uk/

Try to think of it this way, Salem: Is it normal for a 20-year-old to suck on a pacifier for comfort? If not, why not?

Babies suck for comfort because they can't get comfort from much else. You can't talk to them, you can't expect them to self-soothe, they physically need to suck through the night for nourishment and their sense of well-being is linked with this need.

As a child grows, she develops other mechanisms for comfort - talking, a cuddle, knowing that parents are in the next room and ready to come if ever she needs them, etc. Parenting isn't only about constant physical proximity but also about encouraging and supporting one's children in their journey towards independence.

If you are not already aware of all this, I find it hard to believe that you have children over the age of 2.

In your opinion, Cote. Other people parent differently.

Well said supslick

Cote, there is no such thing as normal

Of course there is such a thing as 'normal'. It is a common word in the English language with a perfectly simple definition.

Culture - Which part of that post would those parents disagree with then?

Is it that 20-year-olds don't suck on pacifiers for comfort?

Or that part of parenthood is supporting one's child in their journey towards independence?

How many other children do you have peggyundercrackers?

Then what is the difference between having a cuddle and having a comfort feed? I'm not being deliberately obtuse, I can't see it.

With regards to a 20 year old with a pacifier, no it's not normal, as children are usually weaned from a dummy during their childhood. The ability to latch and suck on a breast is lost around 7. I do know 20 year olds who still sleep with a stuffed toy, I would say that is more comparable.

I'm a bit shocked that you went from co-sleeping with bf on demand to leaving her for four nights - and now leaving her to cry in another room. This is not how it's supposed to be done and strikes me as rather cruel and selfish. I know how difficult it can be because my four year old only just started going through the night. But there has to be a balancing of your needs and your husband's needs against the child's needs. It seems as if you're swinging between extremes based on what you think is going to work best for you. And that won't play well ultimately for you because your child needs to be put first, reassured, monitored, all the rest of it. Unless you want her to sleep through because she's literally just given up on anyone being available for anything at night, which I feel is just wrong.

I'm not interested in responding to the absurd comment about 20 yr olds and dummies. The OP was asking about a 3 yr old and night weaning. Last I checked, 3 is a perfectly reasonable age for breastfeeding, if you don't have a problem with biologically normal infant feeding.

Of course parenting is about helping children towards independence. Parents will of course have different ideas about how to achieve this.

I forcibly weaned ds1 at 2 years old and severely regret it. Everyone and their dog was telling us he would sleep better/be less fussy in the night... Almost 2 years later no improvement and for the first two-four months he was MORE unsettled. He still bed shares for part of the night now. This time with ds2 we will be doing natural term/when HE is ready.

Cathy my breast fed children slept through from 8 and 6 weeks. I fed both until just after a year. There was nothing wrong with my supply. I certainly didn't need to feed during the night.

With regards to sleeping through, I'm 25, DH is 23 and neither of us sleep through.

Claire, your experience is not uncommon. However it is not the majority experience at those ages, far from it.

I didn't ask you to answer that comment. I asked you to explain your own comment, which was that other people who parent differently would have opinions that differ to what I have said in that post.

I would like to hear which part of that post you feel can easily be disagreed with.