to expect my 3 year old to sleep through the night and other own?

[cathyearnshaw]

So DD is 3. We have always co-slept and she helps herself to boob whenever she wants- probably 2 or 3 times a night and sleeps through til 8 ish. DH and I went away for 4 nights; on the first night she cried a bit then slept through on the rest.

We came back. She wakes 3 times a night and for the day at 6. DH says no more boob. She cries a bit but is not distraught but I can't go to her as trying to night wean and DH is exhausted. As am I as I wake up too and I can hear her crying.

Surely after 5 nights of this she should have settled? I think it's not going to change right now. I was expecting a few nights of this but it's not changing at all. My solution is just to go back to how we were with me sleeping with her because we all get sleep that way but DH says no.

OP your dd will be grown up and leaving home in no time. I'd enjoy the cuddles and closeness with her.

"I'm 25, DH is 23 and neither of us sleep through"

What do you do?

Depending on time (and if the other is awake) snuggle up, get out of bed to go do something/read a book/watch an episode of something on Netflix... Literally depends on who else is awake and/or in our bed.

Cote, you're being very black and white here. I said "other people parent differently", not that I disagreed with everything in that post. I agree with you that parents should help their children move towards independence, but attempting (perhaps badly?) to point out that your way is not the only way to achieve it. Is that ok? Or would you like to grill me further on this?

Who cares if she night feeds her 3 year old? Who cares if your baby slept through at 6 weeks (I suspect that this is highly unusual).

Do any of you know or remember when you slept through or how long you were breastfed for? The dd won't be doing it at 20 will she that's for sure.

I didn't say everyone had that experience. The point I was making was that you don't HAVE to feed during the night for your supply.

I have no problem at all with anyone bf a child beyond a year. However, if a child is waking multiple times during the night to feed I would certainly be encouraging them to get comfort in different ways. Continuing to co-sleep, helping the child choose a special teddy for night time cuddles seem a much more sensible option for helping your child work towards being able to self settle and develop good sleeping habits. I'm sure you know most 3 year olds don't wake multiple times in the night for milk?

Cote what is the difference between a cuddle and a comfort feed? You haven't answered me.

For a 3 year old, seeing as the average worldwide age for weaning is 4.

So you agree with me. Good to know.

I didn't say my way is the only way. I just said that the needs and abilities of children change as they grow up and part of parenthood is to help them along this path towards independence. As opposed to keeping your parenting methods at the exact point they were when your child was a baby - co-sleeping, feeding at demand through the night every night, etc.

Methods differ for every family as to how the above is achieved, naturally.

Cote as an adult I do not sleep alone, I certainly don't expect my children to unless THEY are comfortable with it. THEIR needs are more important IMO than mine

I most certainly had to feed through the night at 6 to 8 weeks for my supply. You were fortunate not to have to, but each person's experience is different. Most babies of that age wake in the night for feeds.

Of course a 3 yr old doesn't need to wake for a feed. But equally there's no issue if they do, as long as the parents are ok with this. In the Ops case it sounds like they are no longer ok with it, so changes are needed.
The sensible suggestion of tackling one thing at a time is helpful.

Ah, glad to see that you agree with me also Cote.

Come here for a hug, Culture

Salem - I tried but you don't get it. Sorry.

There is an issue though? The OP husband is not happy. It is not unreasonable to expect your three year old to sleep through. As I said before teaching your child good sleeping habits is no different in my opinion to everything else we teach them. It is possibly to gently teach your child to sleep through without leaving them crying which is obviously hugely distressing for all of you. The No Cry Sleep solution is a great book. My daughter had a dreadful time with teething at six months and the tips in this book really helped.

No you haven't cote. You suggested a cuddle as an alternative in your post replying to mine, and I have asked you what the difference is between cuddling a 3 year old requiring comfort from their mother, and breastfeeding them. What is your opinion on natural term breastfeeding?

I still want to know how many other children peggyundercrackers has. I'm assuming her four month old is merely the youngest of a large brood, as surely no-one would be so breathtakingly arrogant as to offer their opinions on the sleep patterns of someone else's three year old on the basis of their four months experience with a baby currently going through a good sleeping phase.

Right?

No idea if this will help but thought it was worth sharing.

DD (3.8) was a rubbish sleeper, in her own bed but waking every few hours. We have given her a drink to take to bed (non spill drinking bottle) so now she's learnt that if she wakes up she has a little drink and goes back to sleep. Works 99% of the time unless a real issue.

God knows how we'll ever get her out of pull ups overnight but that's the next battle, for now we're enjoying the sleep!

Hope you find a solution xx

For goodness sake. It is surely blatantly obvious that the point she was making was that a three year old doesn't NEED the milk! I actually thought all were welcome to have an opinion. I didn't realise there was a hierarchy of knowledge depending on the number and age of your children. Bonkers.

You seem a little tense Claireshh. Perhaps a nice breastfeed would calm you down?

Not at all. You were the one making the aggressive comment about the mum of the four month old.

'....breathtakingly arrogant..'

No need for that in my opinion. I'm sure you knew fine well what she was referring to and that your post wasn't constructive in anyway.

That's exactly what I said, almost word for word Claire. A 3 yr old doesn't need night feeds, and in the OPs case the parents do have issues with it now. My point was that a 3 yr old feeding in the night (if they want to) is not by definition an issue, or poor parenting.

Claire breastfeeding is far more than just milk though isn't it?

A 3 year old might feel the NEED for the comfort, closeness and general feeling of mum being there during a breastfeed. Psychological/emotional needs are as important as physical ones

Precisely that, Loopy

Although actually I did phrase that badly. It's more than Peggy was passing judgement on how the mother of a three year old gets her to sleep, on the basis of her experience with a four month old that's currently sleeping well, and that I find breathtakingly arrogant, not to mention a great way to tempt fate.