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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want dh and ds to visit PiL?

52 replies

Trinpy · 14/10/2015 11:38

Dh wants to take our ds to visit his parents in either January or February. I wouldn't be able to go. They live in Central Europe and dh wants to go with him one last time before ds turns 2 in April and the cost of his plane ticket goes up.

It would only be for 4 or 5 days but he's never been away from me for longer than 14 hours and I think he's still too young. I only work 2.5 days a week so he's used to having me there all the time.

I'm also pregnant (due in March) and I had a difficult time with spd in my last pregnancy - put on strict bedrest at 21 weeks for 3 weeks, then on crutches. By 32 weeks I couldn't walk to the end of my street and back, pick up something from the floor, or even get out of the bath without help. The spd is back and under control but I worry about being on my own if it gets bad again.

We are visiting his parents this week and I assume they'll come over in the spring when the baby's born. They're obviously welcome to visit any time in between. Aibu to not want dh and ds to go over there in Jan/Feb?

OP posts:
LisbethSalandersLaptop · 14/10/2015 11:40

YANBU esp with the spd. Why does he want to go so much? Other than the price of the plane ticket?

Ouriana · 14/10/2015 11:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QuiteLikely5 · 14/10/2015 11:47

I think yabu. Let them go and enjoy the peace.

Welshmaenad · 14/10/2015 11:52

I would let them go too but agree 3-4 days is long enough. Your DS will be so busy being spoiled by grandparents (and extended family?) that he won't have time to miss you. You can relax, starfish in the bed and watch trash TV.

Do you have family and friends to call on if you need help with the spd?

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 14/10/2015 11:53

I think, with your previous history of SPD, it's not a very good idea. Your DS will be fine without you, DH has taken the DC abroad to visit his family since they were small and we have all been OK.

I am more concerned that you could be heavily pregnant and struggling to move at all by the time the go.

petalsandstars · 14/10/2015 11:55

If there were someone who you could rely on re spd needs then I'd be okay ish with him going however I wouldn't be pleased about him choosing to leave his wife in a vulnerable not able to do anything other than sit down state.

Axekick · 14/10/2015 11:56

Can they go before Christmas? Or all go before?

How long is it since they have seen ds?

The spd makes me think yanbu but you could be fine. Also it's your secondary reason. It sounds like you jut don't want them to go.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 14/10/2015 11:57

sorry but I think you are being unreasonable. Australia for a month when your so close to your due date maybe, but few days in Europe?

Your DS will be absolutely fine and you may find that you actually enjoy the peace and quiet Smile The break will be good for both of you, fostering his independence ready for pre -school etc and give him some quality time with his Dad and GPs too. The way I see it, it's a win all round Grin

BertrandRussell · 14/10/2015 11:57

Surely if you're pregnant and have SPD a week on your own without having to do anything would be perfect? No lifting or looking after toddler. And it would be great for the toddler to have a week with all the attention focused on him before the baby comes. Seems like a win/win to me.

Cloppysow · 14/10/2015 11:58

YABU.

NerrSnerr · 14/10/2015 12:02

I think YABU. They'll be fine and I'm sure you'll be glad of the rest by then!

April2013 · 14/10/2015 13:38

No yanbu, pregnancy makes you vulnerable and in need of help and it is impossible to plan, plus if you're not ready for your little one to be separated from you yet then it's not a good idea to force that especially when you are pregnant. The in laws I assume don't have these problems so it should be up to them to travel.

Bejeena · 14/10/2015 13:48

I think you are, I would personally jump attached the chance together hybrid husband and son out from under my feet think of all the rest you can have

HaydeeofMonteCristo · 14/10/2015 13:51

I could let them go because I would appreciate the rest! But then maybe I am a cow.

notquitehuman · 14/10/2015 13:52

I think you should let them go and enjoy the break. What's worse? Looking after a toddler with SPD, or spending time on the couch enjoying some Netflix? As long as you've got someone to check up on you it should be fine.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 14/10/2015 13:57

Yabu.

But is there a possibility you could make it January, and fly over and join them for a couple of days, and all come back together?

KP86 · 14/10/2015 14:06

I have a son the same age and I would JUMP at the chance to have a week's break! I would miss him beyond belief (and having spent 8 days apart from him just after he turned 1, I know what it's like) but it's good for everyone to develop a bit of independence.

Also, with another child on the way, your son needs to get used to sharing you.

Besides, he is going away with his dad, not a complete stranger! Do you really not trust your husband to be able to look after your son by himself??

Sorry, but you are definitely being unreasonable.

elelfrance · 14/10/2015 14:08

Another one who thinks a few days on your own, not having to manhandle a toddler, could be a great thing :-)
Have you family/friends nearby that you could call in the unlikely case of an emergency ?

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 14/10/2015 14:12

Pregnancy makes you vulnerable?! Confused If you say so April

saucony · 14/10/2015 14:14

Sorry but YABU. Enjoy the rest Wink He'll be with his dad...his other parent! It's only a few days.

WinterIsNeverReallyComing · 14/10/2015 14:20

Yanbu. I'm sure many children would be absolutely fine away from their mum at that age, however, mine wouldn't have been. He would have been sad and confused, especially in an unfamiliar place. DH is fab but works much longer hours than I do and out of the two of us I was/am very much the one DS would have relied on for comfort and familiarity. It is not ideal, but it is how our family works at the moment. Whilst in theory the idea of a few days peace and quiet would have sounded great, I would have spent the whole time worrying about DS (my situation is slightly different though as my PIL are not people who will ever be trusted to care for our children without us present, so there's additional worry there). Also given the SPD risk I'd say it's definitely not ideal.

apinchofsugar · 14/10/2015 14:22

Your child, your choice. Ultimately, if the idea makes you uncomfortable, then you are NOT BU.

Doesn't the idea of a few days of rest tempt you however? Take some time to think about it, and relax. But no parent should feel obliged to let their kid go abroad with only the other one when they feel the child is too young. Nothing wrong with that.

You are hardly at your strongest when you are pregnant to be fair!

BertrandRussell · 14/10/2015 14:24

"Your child, your choice. Ultimately, if the idea makes you uncomfortable, then you are NOT BU."

This is wrong on so many levels I don't know where to start.

MrsBobDylan · 14/10/2015 14:27

Re the. SPD, I had it so badly with my first I was in a wheelchair from 15 weeks but it was much better for pregnancy 2 and barely there for no.3.And I think a break without ds1 while you are heavily pregnant could be bliss, although I totally get the missing him worry.

How about agreeing to 3 nights?

If it's going to stress you out though, I don't think you wbu to say no.

MrsBobDylan · 14/10/2015 14:28

Sorry, 25 weeks, not 15...a dramatic typo!