to get cross at this engineer ? Feminist rage.

[PaddingtonStareBare]

DH thinks I have 'ishoos'

So we have a broken piece of equipment at home, I call the help line and speak to an engineer. He tells me a certain part will need to be replaced (major part). I ask if this is something that can be done at home or does it require a specialist to do, at the same time I'm looking at said piece of equipment and thinking "Doesn't look to hard."

After my question the engineer then asks me if my husband is "mechanically minded" I pause (there has been no mention of my marital status or husband at this point) and started to get pissed off at this assumption that the man has to do it, I replied "What needs doing then ?" Engineer goes on to explain it's just some screws basically and you just screw a new peice on.

I then said "Well it doesn't sound like a man can be the only one to do that thanks, it might surprise you I even know the difference between a flathead and a phillips screwdriver !" He then goes on to say "Yes but some men just tend to do those things don't they and the women don't" and carries on to tell me about the part and cost.

I told him not to assume that all women are incapable of doing that but ended the call politely. It still bloody pissed me off that he automatically assumed the "Man of House" does anything involving a screwdriver. I told DH this when he came in and he laughed it off saying I had issues and yes that is how it is in some couples etc etc, I said of course it is but it's the assumption that pissed me off.

Was I being unreasonable to get shitty at the engineer ? and my husband or am I being over sensitive ?

We had a plumber like that once. I was out at work at the time but our female housemate is really into DIY and was interested in advice on how to handle the problem if it recurred, asking questions etc, while the guy was just dismissing her and only engaging with DH, who wasn't really interested and TBH has a bad memory so wouldn't recall the advice. I was fuming when I heard and we never hired him again. That attitude and the assumption that only men are technically minded really annoys me. I think you were completely reasonable and in the right to politely but firmly challenge it. It's a shame your DH was patronising and unsupportive. He should imagine how he would feel if the situation was reversed.

YANBU

the little woman treatment is infuriating. If I need work done until I found reliable companies I would get a few quotes those giving me the little woman treatment would always be higher what a surprise

Yanbu

The replies on the first page of "oh in my house that would be true, I'm rubbish at anything technical, me!" reminds me strongly of research that came out a few years ago (can anyone remind me of who wrote it?) about families where the mother is always claiming she was never any good at maths being predictive of the daughter going on to claim the same thing. It's as if being bad at numeracy (and by extention, STEM subjects) is a big joke which people almost brag about - no one would ever go on publicly with a smile on their face about being bad with literacy in the same way. If we excuse girls from anything technical then of course there won't be much incentive to try. It isn't inevitable that women should be bad at these things - 15-year-old girls around the world, outperform boys in science – except for in the United States, Britain and Canada.

Was the engineer 396 years old? Generally, older people seem to think more traditionally about gender roles. As obviously, you operate a screwdriver with a penis.

My mate and his GF often had this conversation... One was an engineer. Very highly qualified. Aircraft maintenance. The other was a nurse.

So, what kind of engineer are you, mr mate? Psychiatric...

Speak to the mrs if you need engine advice!

YANBU in expecting equality (?)

But not everybody thinks before opening their mouth.

Our good mates (married couple) have a plumbing business.
They employ another plumber who is a woman. Last time they came to do a job at our house the bloke spent ages chatting about breastfeeding with my DH whilst his (female) employee fixed our shower.
Our kids are growing up with this 'can do' attitude and hopefully everyday things like this will help, especially our daughters.
How fucking depressing to imagine our girls growing up and facing these same archaic sexist issues in years to come.

It would irritate me but I would choose my words carefully. If you show a hint of annoyance with these chumps, they stop listening because obviously it's that time of the month, innit.

Was the engineer 396 years old? Generally, older people seem to think more traditionally about gender roles.

I would dispute that it has anything to do with age, the comments and attitudes that my dd has had from people her own age because she has chosen to go into the construction industry is unbelievable, everyday sexism is well and truly alive in the teens of today in fact never mind the teens I currently am trying to convince a stubborn 4 yo that girls can like other colours than pink. It just seems to be so ingrained in society that a 4 year old who is being brought up very much surrounded by women with a can do attitude and that any job is possible is still picking up the attitude from somewhere that some things are for boys and other things are for girls.

My husband is an engineer (electrical / mechanical/ testing, fitting and inspection). He is bloody good at anything involving a range of 'doing' things and can fix most things etc. He still would tell such a helpline with that attitude to sod off with that attitude. There ARE less women in his line of work, he knows it's not an ability thing.

I'd be bloody pissed off too. How many times does a young girl need to be exposed to that sort of assumption before she starts to believe it is the norm? Casual assumptions perpetuate the myth and make it a truth.

Does your DH do any more a worthwhile job than people that repair domestic appliances then? confused. You sound like a snob.

do you call the person who sells you asprin Doctor? no you call them sales person.

YANBU.

It's another example of everyday sexism.

I collected my new car yesterday, a Motability car. The lease is in my name, I ordered it, I'm the registered keeper and the parent of the disabled child who receives the DLA giving me eligibility to have the car.

Whose name did the insurance company put on the policy as the main driver? Yup. DPs. He's a man. I'm a woman. We don't have the same name. Bloody infuriates me.

just trying to imagine anyone going "oh i am such a girl, I can't even read janet and john books, ask daddy to help you".

Yanbu op. Sadly this is so common.

We had some building work done recently and the builder kept only talking to my dp. He'd look straight past me etc. It really made me feel like crap.

MillyMollyMandy (think that's the poster I mean) There was an interesting interview with Danielle George yesterday in which she mentions how the job title 'engineer' is used for so many different levels of expertise, and particularly how much respect the title 'engineer' brings in other countries such as Germany. Worth listening too.

Look what I find in a charity shop this morning... I saw it and thought of Mumsnet :)

YANBU to object to this guy but YABU to call him an engineer!

Dh is a proper engineer. Has a degree, is in an institute, has letters after his name.

He used to rage that I had the job title of "engineer" when I didn't have a single engineering qualification. I had to refrain from pointing out that I earnt more than him

Since the 'Everyday Sexism' project we say #EveryDaySexism when this type of thing comes up. I would have said it to the electrical engineer (wink) along with raised eyebrows I'm sure he would have thought it a bit wanky but it's to the point.

Yanbu. I can't say I've really encountered this. Lucky I guess, or I look capable? Anyway if it were to occur I would challenge it or just butt into the conversation.

Yanbu. I took my experienced mechanic male friend when I went looking at cars. Salesman comes over, we establish we aren't a couple, and friend is there to yay or nay anything I choose on a mechanical basis, and explain roughly what I'm looking for. Large engine, what towing capacity, 4wd and particularly interested in older Toyotas. Salesman tries to interest me in 4wd lookalikes with none of the functional qualities I specified because 'they have the same appearance and are much cheaper than ones with functions I wouldn't use'. Whilst talking at friend about things my tiny female brain couldn't grasp like mpg. How I slaughtered him.

Had it too sometimes buying anything for bikes, car, diy, flat pack furniture etc.

I had this when our new washing machine was delivered. Man asked if we had bought the plumbing in option. I said 'no, I can do it'. And he was properly astonished that a woman could do it

It's two effing hoses to screw on, a trained monkey could do it.

He was lucky that I'm not on only shy but cripplingly polite too!

It drives me up the wall. I have worked in IT all my life so I know what I am talking about and I am a proper engineer with a degree and MIET. But the assumption is that I don't know what I am talking about.

It's really annoying because it's all stupid assumptions. I mean, why if I make a decision about what laptop I am going to spend the money that I have earned on, does the shop assistant feel the need to turn to my DH for confirmation? It's my money, my laptop, and I'm better equipped than him to make that decision anyway.

Luckily my personality is such that I just take attitudes like that as a challenge and strive to prove people wrong. I worry about my DD who doesn't thrive under the sort of strife that brings. Though in our house at least she has role models that it doesn't always have to be that way.

I am scared of home repairs, and I worry. You would not believe how proud I was when (with massive help from PigletJohn on here) I unplumbed the dishwasher.

On the other hand, I do stand my ground when it is something I know, and that is why DH refuses to be in the house when I speak to Sky. When we first had Sky installed, years ago, it kept freezing. The help desk person kept trying to tell me that it was the Scart lead being loose. I told him it wasn't. He told me it was. I told him the Scart lead was downstairs in the cupboard. He tried to persuade me to plug in the lead to an outlet that didn't exist. He also kept calling me 'luv' which was a tactical error. I channeled my inner Lily Savage. Not only did it turn out to be a misaligned dish, but at the time DH would not have recognised a Scart lead.

I'm working hard on my son.