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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not really want DH to go out now

118 replies

DisappointedOne · 13/10/2015 21:47

It's my birthday. As usual, very little thought has gone into it so have spent the evening doing what DD wanted to do. One of DH's brothers is staying the night in a town about 20 miles away and has a spare bed in his hotel room. DH wants to go out drinking and stay out all night with his brother. I'd really rather he didn't, but he says this is the height of unreasonableness on my part. So, who is BU?

OP posts:
ThomasRichard · 13/10/2015 22:14

Go on the surprise holiday but take a friend rather than your H.

My not-so-'D'H never bothered much about my birthday. That was a continuation of his usual attitude of not bothering too much to do anything for me, so he's now being divorced.

TheLightFandango · 13/10/2015 22:14

cancel it now. Tell him. Then book or buy yourself an expensive treat instead. this.

It's a bit late to go out now, but could you go out with a friend/friends tomorrow night? Wait for him to come out, then go. No explanation.

Calling you a cunt on your birthday - he's a treasure.

TheLightFandango · 13/10/2015 22:16

*should have read 'wait for him to come home'.

YakTriangle · 13/10/2015 22:18

Either go on the holiday with somebody else or cancel it. Somebody who speaks to you this disrespectfully and cares so little that he can't even bother to do anything for your birthday does not deserve anything for theirs.

experiencedhider · 13/10/2015 22:18

Let me guess - every year you put love care and attention into his present, which is barely acknowledged (if at all). On your birthday however, he does nothing and in fact actively attempts to spoil your day. This year, why don't you give him a real birthday surprise - cancel the trip you've booked and spend the money on something amazing for yourself. I think you deserve a break OPFlowers

NumbBlaseCold · 13/10/2015 22:19

Cancel the gift.

If he treats you shitty on your birthday then he should be glad to receive pleasantries on his.

No great gift.

Does he care about how his family treats you all?

Is he normally so rude and sulky?

Pennybun4 · 13/10/2015 22:20

Go on the trip and take your DD? Tell him it was his birthday treat but as he's a rude fucker it has been changed.

Topseyt · 13/10/2015 22:22

Nobody would speak to me like that in my own home and get away with it, particularly as a parting shot on my birthday. Divorce papers would be a distinct probability (not possibility).

As for the surprise holiday, go on it yourself, taking a good friend instead of your DH. Tell him to go fuck himself instead.

hettie · 13/10/2015 22:22

Really Hmm if this is real why on earth are you with this unpleasant aresehole?

Osolea · 13/10/2015 22:24

Is this a last minute plan he wanted to make with his brother?

I can understand you being upset that no thought went into your birthday, but I think in general adults should contribute to plans for their own birthdays and not expect surprises to be arranged for them every year. It's nice for significant birthdays, but weekday birthdays when you have young children are usually low key and celebrated at the weekend ime.

If you weren't doing anything special tonight then there's no real reason why he couldn't have gone. Why didn't you want him to go?

Did he at least get you a nice gift?

Original poster
DisappointedOne · 13/10/2015 22:25

Oh, if I had £1 for all the times I've wondered that of late, hettie.

OP posts:
CocktailQueen · 13/10/2015 22:29

Really? Is this normal for him? What an absolute prick.

Calling you a cunt? On your birthday? Inexcusable at any time.

Cancel what you have planned for his bday, go out with a friend on the night, calling him a cunt on the way out...

Or just LTB now. He sounds horrible.

Happy birthday, op - sorry it has been so shit. Maybe you could arrange an unofficial one?

Original poster
DisappointedOne · 13/10/2015 22:31

It was DD's birthday at the weekend so all attention on that, and next weekend as I say we're away at his friend's party. He worked today (did the school run this morning - guess that was my present). DD wanted to go bowling and for food at her favourite place which we did. I'd bought a nice dessert and thought we could have that with some wine and a film or something. Then he says that his brother is out with a mate and has a spare bed. In fact the whole meal out was taken up with him pondering whether to drive or get the train.

We got DD to bed and he phoned his brother who is out with his mate. Only after he'd spoken to him did he ask what I thought. I said I didn't think many people would go out on their spouse's birthday but that I quote fancied having the bed to myself. He then started an argument about not seeing much of his family, I told him to "go then" and then got that mouthful.

OP posts:
BrideOfWankenstein · 13/10/2015 22:33

From your previous threads I can see that he is a selfish twat. Why are you still with that fucker?

BSites · 13/10/2015 22:46

DisappointedOne has been your NN for some time now, says it all really.

middlings · 13/10/2015 22:48

You don't have to live like this.

Happy Birthday Flowers

Cherrybakewells1 · 13/10/2015 22:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cherrybakewells1 · 13/10/2015 22:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HesterShaw · 13/10/2015 23:01

Sorry, but he called you a cunt and told you to fuck off? on your birthday? And you were planning something nice for his birthday??

You are with him WHY exactly?

Sorry you have had a shitty birthday. He sounds like a nobber.

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis · 13/10/2015 23:04

Get yourself something lovely
-like divorce papers.
Have Cake and Wine and start planning.

seagreengirl · 13/10/2015 23:24

So sorry OP. What a mean, miserable, abusive man. Happy Birthday!!

Please leave, nobody should be spoken to like this.

milkmilklemonade12 · 13/10/2015 23:25

You don't have to live with this.

My mother has just divorced her husband of 31 years. He was exactly like your parter. She once accidentally dropped a plate and he started an argument over it. She tried to excuse herself to take a shower to get away from him. He hissed at her; "oh just fuck off and go and have your shower then you silly bitch".

She said something snapped in her that night. It took her another year to leave him, but it was the beginning of the end for her.

I don't know if there's a massive backstory to this, and I'm barking up the wrong tree. If I am, I apologise.

But I don't think I am.

Happy Birthday OP.

Oh, and cancel that holiday and open a 'fuck you' fund with it, for when you're ready to leave Flowers

maddening · 13/10/2015 23:31

ask one of your friends to go on the holiday you've booked - tell him to spend his birthday thinking about where he wants to be in the next year as the way he has treated you means that it will be alone if he doesn't buck his ideas up. do the same yourself and if the idea of him not being with you fills you with a sense of releif then maybe you should reconsider your direction with this relationship.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 13/10/2015 23:35

What a bastard. A horrible way to be spoken to on any day of the year.

Happy Birthday OP Cake

LindyHemming · 13/10/2015 23:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.