Ok - long thread, sorry, also name change for obv reasons
Background
Mum and Dad got together late seventies
Mum 9 years older and had 2 young DCs, was in abusive r ship with alcoholic, dad 'rescued her'
Mum and Dad married and went on to have me and DSIS
Had modest existence together, think working class, manual jobs, always provided the necessities for us all, no luxuries, happy childhood.
Both DSIS and I went onto Uni, we've both done professional vocational degrees, long courses, parents helped financially as much as they could.
My dad's parents passed away 10-15 years ago, dad inherited a reasonable wedge of cash ~ 100k
My DSIS was still living at home at the time and began to suspect that dad was not being honest- she found a spare mobile, lots of weird messages from other women, he'd disappear at weird times claiming his boss had called about an emergency at work. (There's loads of examples)
My sis confided in mum who brushed it off. Mum was very old school, very reliant on dad, he sorted finances, she never drove etc.
A few years later, a woman knocked on the door and told my mum she had been seeing my dad for 5 years. She admitted she was a prostitute and dad had been supporting her for all this time, buying her drugs and paying her rent. My mum kept this secret for a few years for fear of upsetting the family and forgave my dad who cut ties with the prostitute. At this point, he had spent all of their savings and the prostitute's pimp (sorry if that's not PC) was chasing my dad for more money. They left their (rented) house and fled to another address. That was that.
At the end of 2013, mum - who had carried burden for years- confided in me and my two sisters about this. She was very depressed and struggling to forgive him and was weighing her options. She decided, eventually, to stay with him although she felt little love for him. All really sad. We all offered for mum to come live with us. She begged for us to not tell dad we knew as he had said he would kill himself if the kids found out. Money was tight but they struggled along. Mum now not working as older and in poor health.
Six months later, mum was diagnosed with cancer and she passed away just ten weeks later.
Dad struggled to cope and would turn up at the hospice, pissed out of his head. I was seven months pregnant and wanted to knife him for what he'd done. It was obvious how strained things were between them, even in final stages.
Dad couldn't afford the funeral, we paid for it. I felt sick that after 30 years of marriage, he couldn't give his wife a funeral she deserved.
He's now living on benefits, is depressed and claiming DLA (PIP)
He is really struggling week to week, spending on booze and fags and eating crap. I've given him handouts monthly - small bits but I feel, deep down, so resentful about doing so.
I can't see him starve- my mum obv wanted to stand by him and I feel I should. I get fuck all emotionally from him. My DD is 9 mo and he has never bought her anything( this isn't me being materialistic, even a congrats on birth card would have been nice)
I guess this isn't AIBU, Im just wondering what you would do in this situation - continue as I am, (resenting every bit of him) as he's my father, or would you cut the bastard out??
I dunno, I guess the therapy is in writing this....
Thanks