To think people enjoy moaning about things they could easily change?

[Trippedinmuck]

I've just come home from a "friends" house, we had a discussion that went sort of like this:
"Youre so lucky being a SAHM, I'm sick of working all the hours God sends and not seeing my little girl." she says,
"Work less then" I say,
"I can't afford to work less" she replies,
"I'm sure you could if you gave up a few things"
"Why should I give up anything?"
"Well do you need 2 fortnight holidays abroad a year? Theres £10000 saved. Do you need this 3 bed semi when theres only you and you daughter? Move nearer work and pay less than £800 each month. get a cheaper to run car because you're an office worker and not a farmer, I don't think you need a 4x4, theres another £3k a year saved. do you need the massive sky package? You don't watch sport, theres £100 a month plus saved, do you need to shop with Ocado? surely Tescos is cheaper?"
"Oh no, I don't want to give up holidays, car, house, sky, Ocado etc"
"Then stop moaning"

Lmfao and smfh.

Yep, definitely a single parent bashing thread.

The work comment is naive as several others have pointed out. In many, many jobs if you wanted to cut your hours the risk would be losing the job, losing seniority, losing clients - who knows - but it is not as simple as "working less"

There is also a vulnerability about being the only person working - if you lose your job or become ill there is no back up so maybe earn what you can while you can and give your kids as much as you can while you can.

(I don't actually believe some of the figures anyway)

Bluejug's comment about simple solutions to problems remind me of my belovèd wife's "solutions" to life's probems:

Unemployed - get a job
Overweight - lose weight

etc, etc

Sorry - X-posted PeopleLieActionsDont - sounds like I was directly contradicting you - I wasn't. I do see how you could read it like that but even so I think it is a "friend-bashing" thread - which is not very nice.

CanadianJohn - Ha Ha - I can run everyone else's life - their problems seem so simple!!(Especially over the internet!) But my own.... well that's a different matter...

I don't think it's a single parent bashing at all, it's a choose your priorities thread.

Sounds similar situation the a friend of the family's daughter who was a lawyer earning more than DH & I combined. Lived comfortably with her DD and yes she was a single parent.

But then went for more and more promotions till she ended up in a job earning £120k plus (in the North!) and got a housekeeper as she had to be in the Far East for a week or two several times a year. Effectively teenage DD saw as much of the housekeeper as she did her mum.

Fast forward a year or two and she was off with stress because of having a heavy workload. Surprise surprise a job paying £120k expects lots of work and time commitments!

So unhappy daughter and unhappy mum. She didn't have to go for more promotions. She had a very comfortable life but wanted more prestige and 'stuff'.

So like the OP I have little sympathy if she moans. Yes it's mean but she made her own bed.

Who knows if the OP's friend made similar choices? Maybe she didn't have to go for the job she has now? We don't know. As usual MN surmises what they want!

With friends like you, who needs enemies?

What a nasty attitude , twowrongs. Would you talk about a man who lost his career because of stress in such a way, or is it only uppity women who should know what's coming to them, in your world?

Lol at in the North!. Who'd have thought it was possible

I like moaning about my fecking flat... the only person who has the power to sort it is me. yes it is difficult with two chn with additional needs but giving up half an hour of mning would help.

a lot of the time we have to make choices and can not have it all. does not stop us moaning about it though. I get really pissed off when people want the benefits of one choice without giving up the benefits of another. saying that as a sahp who sometimes moans about not having a lot of spare cash but I would readily admit that I prefer that to having cash and working. I can see that it is a choice.

Yes cruikshank . I would say it to a man! If you go for a super high powered job with mega pay don't be surprised of your employer wants their pound of flesh. I think its rare that people, male or female, can 'have it all'. You make your choices etc. When DH finished his MBA we made the conscious choice not to go to London for the mega bucks he was offered as that would have meant long hours and little family time. He went for a less well paid job with a better work life balance up here. So we've had a comfortable life but without fancy holidays or cars but he has been home for family dinners since the DC were in juniors.

And as for the person I talked about earlier, no I'm not her friend! She's the daughter of DM's friend. She's made too many selfish choices (not just re work) for me to be able to respect her.

That's interesting, twowrongs, because it means you are pretty atypical of, well, everyone else I've ever met because I don't think I've ever come across anyone, man or woman, who slags off men who earn £120k and spend a couple of weeks a year away from home in order to do so, and then tuts with a 'told you so' folded arms attitude when said man loses his job (as I imagine this woman did, because law firms are not exactly known for their milk of human kindness approach to employee relations) due to stress.

Still, go me. That means that I mostly know nice people.

No. She didn't lose her job. But she did, as far as I know, take a lesser role in the end which knocked all the time away on the head.

I just think people shouldn't be greedy.

It isn't greedy to provide for your family.

What does this 'friend' do to even begin to afford this lifestyle?

WTF 4x4 is she driving if the insurance for a grown woman is £3600 a year? Does it have nuclear capabilities?

I know that claim doesn't stack up, like a lot of the detail in the op's posts. Apologies if the 'friend' is actually a 19 year old with a string of drink driving convictions and a penchant for ram-raiding and riding around in a Monster Truck.

Although I wasn't a single parent, I was the sole breadwinner in my marriage and the pressure to provide not only for the bills on the kitchen table, but also for a safety net should anything happen was relentless and very stressful. I agreed to overtime I probably shouldn't have done, because I felt that saying no would ensure the boiler broke or the dog would get some expensive condition.

So while I have some sympathy with, say, a friend who moans about wanting to lose half a stone but is never out of Greggs, bashing single parents for working long hours is depressingly unempathetic. Needing to ensure financial security for your child when only you can provide it isn't greedy, it must be a constant worry.

Friends are allowed to moan to each other. You're allowed to moan about weight loss while stuffing your face in Greggs. You're allowed to moan about work while working long hours and earning shitloads of money. You're allowed to moan about being busy while wasting all your free time arguing with strangers on MN. Moaning is acceptable. The only moral of this thread is: choose your friends carefully. Make sure your friends are not jealous of you and bitching about you behind your back like the OP has done.