Asking Ex to take DS to class as DD needs emergency care

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Been with my sister, let the children play late with their cousins. All in PJ's ready to get in car, saying final goodbyes at 9.30 when DD shrieks and blood is pouring from her finger.

So freaking out child who doesn't remember what happened. Clearly a heavy trauma, 20 mins of getting calpol, ice, pads, calming four children, moving car seat to front seat to have her close on 30 min drive home.
Don't know how it happened but she's severely smashed the nail bed and her finger has split, lots of blood, nail looks dislodged.

Get in at 10.20, carry DS and get him down, and then get DD in, settle her. Call Ex.

Asked him to take DS to class tomo while I take DD to hospital.

Apparently I am deliberately trying to make him feel guilty because he has hired a van to collect furniture 2 hour drive away to help someone.

I said I don't know why I bother asking him to parent as he's always too busy. Had a row. Told him don't worry, I will deal with it. Story of my life.

Should he help me? AIBU?

You were still being U lol. They had a look, changed the dressing, and sent her home.
Life carried on as normal, and x changed his plans to drop ds off first. That doesn't validate your 'emergency care' amateur dramatics and apparently unnecessary slagging off of your partner, it just means that everything worked out, it wasn't an emergency, and life goes on. And I assume her 'reasonable night' means that even though you really wanted her to wake up eight times screaming so that you could validate your post, it didn't happen and she woke up this morning as normal, just with a sore finger.

Glad it all worked out and ds got to go to his extremely important class though. and that your x is apparently not the unmitigated twat you made him out to be, as despite having made plans to help someone else, he fitted in his child after all. I guess you can't add this to the list of unreasonable behaviour you are documenting from him? I hope he didn't have to let his friend down for something you could easily have coped with on your own. That WOULD be U.

madwoman that's unreasonably harsh given that you know nothing about the OP's background.

Madwoman any man worth his salt would put his child first and should have been volunteering to talks ds so he didn't have to sit in a&e or miss his club. Couples together would have discussed this and everyone saying 'I wouldn't expect my Dh to miss xyz' are not looking at the concept that the op is a single parent and her ex should have not questioned the need to help - but he used it as a chance to give her a hard time verbally.

I rang my exh when DS had been hurt and we were in the way to hospital - he didn't help out because he was 'at a friends for lunch and it would look rude if I left'.

I think you were perfectly reasonable to ask your children's father to adjust his plans and help out in an unexpected situation.

I'm glad he stepped up and I'm glad your daughter is okay.

So OP, by the sound of things you really could have coped perfectly well without your ex. I don't think there was any need for all this drama. If you unnecessarily create conflict like this regularly the people it's going to hurt is your children. This whole situation seems to be far more about control than it is about a hurt finger.

This is about priorities - rather than reacting ex should have come up with a plan or alternatives, rather than reacting and slagging him off time would have been better spent thinking - go to A&E early then on to class if possible, if not then miss class (in the scheme of things whilst it cost money not a biggie).

Personally I would have gone last night, driven the extra, taken the other child as well. But that is me.

But on the whole I would say just because you say jump he doesn't have to say how high.

Still glad it all came out in the wash

I agree RB. I also think if we had a mother posting saying that when the ex had their kids he expected her to drop everything if things went wrong even if he was perfectly capable of coping alone I do not think that woman would be told she had her priorities wrong if she didn't jump every time he called.

Thanks all, sorry been v busy today

Yes, back story isn't there always?
Mrsmistle has it as does Lindy

I do everything. Absolutely everything. From small stuff like hair cuts to doctors, dentists and stuff like clubs.

Ex often doesn't take them to their clubs on his weekends.

I have them 85% and organise 100%.
If they cry with Ex, he's texting me to bring them home.

I stupidly thought that because DD was hurt, I was perfectly justified in asking for help. I gave up asking for help ages ago because it's always turned down.

The main point is that I parent alone. I have to make the decisions alone, including weighing up the amount of urgency in the injury and the impact on younger DS by driving 40 mins at 10pm to A&E.

Thank you all though, MN is like a multi opinionated therapy session

Glad it's been relatively straightforward; the injury as you first described it sounded extremely similar to what happened to my daughter age 4, that was xrayed and then washed out under a general anaesthetic before being stitched ... Hope it heals nicely and soon. Very hard to make decisions and sometimes it would be nice to not be 100% in charge of both the decision and the consequence!

(I tend to want to validate my opinions with my husband; but yes we've some history of him ignoring / playing down illness or other symptoms in our children that would have been better treated more seriously and/or earlier)