Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Accidentally said someone wife and daughter didn't look like models

112 replies

eedon · 08/10/2015 09:20

I fully accept I might of been very rude, judging this in words when it was just a flipant remark that I said without thinking.

Just at work, I needed to get some more paper. Accidentally knocked over someones family photo. It was clearly one of those white background studio photos that aren't my cup of tea but anyway I picked it back up and said "they almost look like the people that come free with the frame". He gave me funny look and said nothing, so I just replied " if only they were a bit more model-ly I'd be fooled". He gave an even stranger look and just said thanks.

Should I apologise to him? He must know I was just being friendly? Was this offensive?

OP posts:
mileend2bermondsey · 08/10/2015 09:34

The first comment was a little strange but forgiveable. I don't know what the hell you were thinking with the second one though?? Confused

mountainstoat · 08/10/2015 09:34

Ah, don't worry OP, everyone has crap spill out of their mouth sometimes.

At work once, a female colleague said she could hear a high pitched buzzing sound. I couldn't hear it.

In my head, the reference I wanted to make was to the fact that younger people can hear high pitched noises better than older people. Somehow, that got mixed up with the idea of dog whistles being inaudible to humans.

What came out of my mouth was "maybe only dogs can hear it". Poor girl just stared at me open mouthed, and I was too stunned to apologize...

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 08/10/2015 09:35

If it makes you feel any better I once bumped into a friends ex girlfriend, in my drunken haze I thought it would be brilliant to tell her she would move on and do so much better (he treated her like crap), what I actually said was 'I told my friend you would be off with someone else soon enough, you are too pretty to stick with him', then continued to try and dig myself out of it for 5 more awful minutes, all the while making it worse.

pinkyredrose · 08/10/2015 09:36

mountain Grin

Sparklingbrook · 08/10/2015 09:36

It's easy to say something stupid in the midst of a conversation but as far as I can tell in this instance there was no conversation. Nothing needed to be said at all except for maybe 'oops, sorry, I hope I haven't broken it'.

Thatpoorpig · 08/10/2015 09:37

Genuine question, you say you thought you were paying home a compliment but I hate neatly can't see it. What, in your opinion, is the compliment?

Thatpoorpig · 08/10/2015 09:37

Sorry try again without autocorrect.

You say you thought you were paying him a compliment, but I really can't see it. What is the compliment?

Shakey15000 · 08/10/2015 09:39

Ye Gads I'd be mortified Shock

Personally, I'd apologise.

Sparklingbrook · 08/10/2015 09:40

But apologising would mean further speaking to the poor man and further opportunity to say some more terrible things.

Lweji · 08/10/2015 09:41

What's amazing is that you still don't seem to have realised how insulting BOTH your comments were.

Options when you picked it up:
Sorry
Is this your family?
You have a lovely family.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 08/10/2015 09:43

He said 'thanks' to you so even though you made a complete arse of giving a compliment, he must have understood the sentiment behind it. Otherwise he wouldn't have thanked you. You don't need to apologise because tbh any attempt at an apology would take so much explanation that you'd probably end up accidentally insulting him about something else.

and on the plus side you didn't call them dogs as mountain did Grin

TheMasterNotMargarita · 08/10/2015 09:47

I wouldn't seek him out but next time you see him I would mention it and say look I realise I sounded like a twat it really wasn't meant like it sounded I'm very sorry.
I have done this when I've said something stupid and now I am friends with the person.
We all say daft things sometimes. Even people with usually impeccable manners.

Branleuse · 08/10/2015 09:48

you need to work on keeping your mouth shut if thats you being friendly :|

Thatpoorpig · 08/10/2015 09:48

I imagine he said thanks in the hope that it would encourage her to shut up and go away.

Shakey15000 · 08/10/2015 09:50

I know sparkling but I couldn't possibly leave it as it is. But yes, as a recent poster said, leave it till you see him again.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 08/10/2015 09:51

Eedon - saying that the photo looked 'like the one that came free with the frame' was a rude comment about the photo (ie. it looks like some anonymous model, only fit to have their photo given away free with frames), and his taste - it sounded like you were saying he would deliberately display a photo with the stock picture in it on his desk!

The right thing to have said would have been,

"Oh - sorry. What a lovely photo!" - as you put it back upright.

I think you need to review your remarks in your head before speaking them.

StampyMum · 08/10/2015 09:52

That wasn't a compliment, it was rude and unpleasant - I would feel really upset if you'd said that to me, and it would probably spoil the photo for me. If that's the kind of thing you say without thinking, then you doubtless go around upsetting people all the time.

SuckingEggs · 08/10/2015 09:54

The strange look he gave you was because you insulted his loved ones...

APlaceOnTheCouch · 08/10/2015 09:55

I imagine he said thanks in the hope that it would encourage her to shut up and go away. Grin - possibly - but I do think tone carries a lot of intention. I lived beside a girl who ostensibly always said 'nice' things to people but there was something about her manner and tone that let you know it was actually an insult. For example, she'd say, ' That's a lovely dress. I can never wear items like that.' Actually she meant 'I'd never be seen dead in something like that.'

Maybe the OP is the opposite of that.

catfordbetty · 08/10/2015 09:56

I think this may well be a time for the 'least said, soonest mended' approach.

Branleuse · 08/10/2015 09:57

I would bear a grudge against you forever for making a shitty comment like that about a family photo in all honesty

BoskyCat · 08/10/2015 09:59

I can see the "compliment", I think. You're saying the photo is so perfect/posed and they are so good-looking / typical-looking that it could be the photo the company chose to use as the sample pic. After all the people in those pics are always beautiful and happy model types.

You made thing more confusing with the "model-y" comment afterwards which you meant as "they almost look like models".

But the whole thing could also be interpreted to mean "Your family look like nondescript frame-fillers and they don't even look like models". Plus you knocked the pic over so you weren't in a good place to start commenting on the contents anyway. You should have said "Oh I'm so sorry, here let me put it back, I hope it's not damaged." and run away.

I do sympathise, I am Queen Foot-In-Mouth. It is making a million comments like this that has helped me understand what's going on and how something well-meant can come out so badly. One thing I have learned is commenting on people's appearance hardly ever goes well. It's OK to say "I love your coat" etc. as long as it's heartfelt, but saying things like "your wife and kids look xxxxxx" even if it is positive, often makes people uncomfortable.

KitZacJak · 08/10/2015 10:01

Ha,ha, sometimes best to not say anything until you have thought it through! Whatever you say now will sound bad.

SurferJet · 08/10/2015 10:02

Oh dear op. I'd just say nothing now.

( although people who have family photos on display at work are complete saddos imo - I mean fgs, will you really forget what your kids look like in a day? )

Tirinen · 08/10/2015 10:09

Why would you post this? "I was horrid to someone, lol."