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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wibu to not offer this man a lift?

53 replies

Sparrowlegs248 · 07/10/2015 13:51

Yesterday I pulled into a little lane and parked. I was getting out of the car and about to get 10wk old DS out to go and do a daily errand.

A man came walking up to the three way junction, looked lost and asked me which way to *village". There was really no direct route but i had a local map in the car and looked and advised him.

He said 'thanks love, its just I've just been let out of the police station. I was in overnight. Got picked up for drink and disorderley. Got no phone or anything and the coppers said to walk this way'

And off he walked. Nice and polite.

I was telling my sister that i felt bad for not giving him a lift as i was driving to a village much closer to where he wanted to go. He had a 15 mile walk and i could have dropped him 4-5 miles away. She asked why hadnt i offered then, if i wanted to. (and i did feel i wanted to)

My reasons - Mainly i had DS in the car. And polite as he was hed just spent a night in the cells for D & D. And he was wearing broken fake crocs. Dsis thinks i was being judgemenral as i mentioned he looked a bit 'rough' for want of a better expression. Hand and neck tattoos and bad teeth. I fedl judgy just typing that. She tinks iwbu by not offerinh him a lift as it was a long walk, about to rain and he had crap footwear.
Was i?

OP posts:

Original poster

Sparrowlegs248 · 07/10/2015 13:53

Sorry about typos - phone.

Not sure what i think he would have done to DS.....

OP posts:

Scobberlotcher · 07/10/2015 13:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaxPepsi · 07/10/2015 13:56

Seriously?

Why the fuck would you offer a random stranger a lift anywhere?

swashbucklecheer · 07/10/2015 13:57

I wouldn't have. Don't forget you've your ds to consider too. I'm not saying anything would have happened but as a female on her own (to all intents and purposes ) offering a lift to a strange man just released from the police the risk is always there. Also he said it was drunk and disorderly but you've only his word for that.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 07/10/2015 13:57

Really?

Twindroops · 07/10/2015 13:57

YANBU. It is completely up to you who you invite into your car and you shouldn't be judged at all negatively for exercising that right! (though I try and begrudgingly offer my mum a lift in the rain..). I would have probably offered to make a phonecall for him (although wouldn't he have been able to do that at the station?)

YABalittleU for basing your decisions on footwear though!

BarbarianMum · 07/10/2015 13:59

I think it is fine to not offer strangers lifts. You were polite and helpful, which is all anyone is "owed".

DoJo · 07/10/2015 14:00

A stranger with poor enough self control and decision making to get so drunk that the police have to get involved isn't welcome in my car, regardless of whether they have tattoos, crocs or a briefcase and top hat. If the police didn't see fit to offer him a lift home, I'm not sure why anyone would think that you should.

BondGate · 07/10/2015 14:00

I wouldn't have offered him a lift.

As a personal safety rule, I don't generally give people lifts unless I know them, regardless of how nicely they're dressed.

Original poster

Sparrowlegs248 · 07/10/2015 14:01

I actually only thought afterwards that i could have phoned someone for him and i it ws too late by then.

His footwear - i don't know anyone who would keep shoes in such a bad state. There was a huge hole in the top of one!! That reason was a little light hearted.

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trulybadlydeeply · 07/10/2015 14:03

I think if you felt vulnerable (simply from the point of view of being on your own with a young baby) then you shouldn't even have considered giving him a lift. it doesn't sound as though he was even thinking of asking you to drive him.

I will add though, that in my experience, you really cannot judge a book by it's cover. Looking "rough", tattoos, bad teeth, broken fake crocs (I wouldn't know a genuine croc if I fell over it), being done for being D&D really do not mean that someone is a threat to you. If someone really was after causing you harm, they would do their best to look presentable and trustworthy. The gentleman you came across sounds far too honest!

As I said though, it was entirely right not to offer a lift if you weren't comfortable.

BatTeethKeith · 07/10/2015 14:05

Drunk and Disorderly covers a huge multitude of sins though. I got one for having a sack race ffs.

I would probably have given him a lift in my younger days, but I am much more cautious now I am in my 40's.

Original poster

Sparrowlegs248 · 07/10/2015 14:07

Good point about how he looked. I'm wonderingvwhat i would have done/thought if he had been more presentable.

The thing is, I wanted to offer a lift but felt i shouldn't. He was really very polite.

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chocolatespiders · 07/10/2015 14:09

I dont think i would have given him a lift.

Whenever I see kids walking in the pouring rain I want to offer them a lift but stranger danger I obviously can't.

anothernumberone · 07/10/2015 14:09

I had a similar situation about 10 years ago, a woman who was clearly out of it on drugs stopped me in slow moving traffic to ask to bring her to a hospital about 2 miles away. She wanted to see a patient there and it probably was an emergency based on how agitated she was. I had a baby in the back and I just was not willing to risk it. I told her exactly my reasons i.e. You are clearly out of it and I don't want you in the car with my baby, but I was really sorry for her. My priority though was keeping my child safe and she was an adult who unfortunately was making bad choices for whatever reason. I would have given her the lift if dd was not there but I am not sure whether I would for a man who could potentially be stronger than I.

NotNob · 07/10/2015 14:10

Good grief, no! I wouldn't offer any man a lift.

KondosSecretJunkRoom · 07/10/2015 14:12

YANBU.

You don't have to offer a stranger a lift, ever. And, secondly, it's best not to ignore your instincts when it comes to your personal safety. You can explore whether you are operating on prejudice from the comfort of your couch later and challenge it, if necessary. But don't ignore your gut in the moment.

WorraLiberty · 07/10/2015 14:16

YABVVVU

I always make a point of searching out strange, male broken crock wearers who have just left the police station, especially when I have small children with me.

I think it's character building for all concerned.

WorraLiberty · 07/10/2015 14:17

Actually I should have spelled that 'croc'.

Unless I meant a pile of crock.

Verbena37 · 07/10/2015 14:20

You were right not to offer him a lift. I'm not sure why the police station didn't give him the option of calling someone to collect him.
DH and I are always saying how dangerous it is giving anybody a lift, women included. The only reason I'd ever stop would be if a very elderly, frail looking person looked to be in trouble. I might then stop but not get out. There are so many car stopping scams....it isn't worth the risk. You can always call the police or someone for help by getting details through the closed window.

Rivercam · 07/10/2015 14:22

No way should you give a strange man a lift in your car ! ( unless they have a camera crew with them and filming for Hunted...). We teach our kids Strang r Danger, and this is exactly the same. He may be polite, but he may also be a knife-wielding murderer. The man's journey home was not your responsibility, but your and your child's personal safety is.

VinylScratch · 07/10/2015 14:23

Seriously, you think you were unreasonable in any way to not want a jakey criminal in your car with you and your small baby? Your sister needs to get a grip.

RickRoll · 07/10/2015 14:24

This sounds like a scam.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 07/10/2015 14:33

I think he mentioned the jail bit to justify you not giving him a lift, if that makes sense? If he'd just said he was going to the village, which way, your Britishness might have almost forced you to offer a lift. (I'm only partly tongue in cheek here, as I know if someone even hints at wanting me to do something I very often offer even if I don't want to do it).

Original poster

Sparrowlegs248 · 07/10/2015 14:35

I don't think iwbu, just felt a bit sorry that i couldn't help him. My sister is a bit......don't know how to describe her, prides herself on being open to all and non judgey (but will judge 'trendy' types but loves knitting her own lentils etc)

Scam? What do you mean rick?

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