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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wibu to not offer this man a lift?

53 replies

Sparrowlegs248 · 07/10/2015 13:51

Yesterday I pulled into a little lane and parked. I was getting out of the car and about to get 10wk old DS out to go and do a daily errand.

A man came walking up to the three way junction, looked lost and asked me which way to *village". There was really no direct route but i had a local map in the car and looked and advised him.

He said 'thanks love, its just I've just been let out of the police station. I was in overnight. Got picked up for drink and disorderley. Got no phone or anything and the coppers said to walk this way'

And off he walked. Nice and polite.

I was telling my sister that i felt bad for not giving him a lift as i was driving to a village much closer to where he wanted to go. He had a 15 mile walk and i could have dropped him 4-5 miles away. She asked why hadnt i offered then, if i wanted to. (and i did feel i wanted to)

My reasons - Mainly i had DS in the car. And polite as he was hed just spent a night in the cells for D & D. And he was wearing broken fake crocs. Dsis thinks i was being judgemenral as i mentioned he looked a bit 'rough' for want of a better expression. Hand and neck tattoos and bad teeth. I fedl judgy just typing that. She tinks iwbu by not offerinh him a lift as it was a long walk, about to rain and he had crap footwear.
Was i?

OP posts:
Original poster
Sparrowlegs248 · 07/10/2015 14:37

To add i work with people in his position when I'm not on maternity leave and am used to walking about with them, to court, food bank etc so wasn't alarmed at him.

OP posts:
ConfusedInBath · 07/10/2015 14:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aeroflotgirl · 07/10/2015 14:43

No I woulden't have offered a stranger a lift, let alone one what was in the Police cells overnight. Especially not by myself, with my children.

UntilTheCowsComeHome · 07/10/2015 14:45

Sorry but I need to know more about BatTeethKeith 's drunk and disorderly sack race! Grin

newgirl99 · 07/10/2015 15:19

Certainly not unreasonable in my opinion - that man could have been lovely with a heart of gold but equally he could have been a totally unhinged....you just can't tell by looking. So, I'd say you have done the right thing. You can't win in these situations sometimes - if you had have offered him a lift and he'd have attacked you (god forbid) then you'd have been branded an idiot! You acted in your own best interest and that is all you can do. Don't beat yourself up - he isn't your responsibility x

Poledra · 07/10/2015 15:29

I once drove past a man lying on the grass verge of a busy A-road. I got home 5 minutes later and called the coppers to report it. I said to DH that I felt bad, I should have stopped and seen if he was alright. Dh's response was no you bloody shouldn't! He said that, even without evil intent, a very drunk man could easily have harmed me/knocked me over into the fast-moving traffic etc so he would prefer that I never put myself into that sort of situation. We concluded that the only thing I could have done was to have pulled over sooner than I had and called the police more quickly (who, BTW, said I wasn't the first person who'd called in about this man and there was already a patrol car on its way to look for him).

And, on a more frivolous note, friends of mine once stopped to pick up a hitchhiker. Who turned out to have the most tremendous BO. Took my friends days to get the smell out of the car, and they've never picked up a hitcher since Grin

Florene · 07/10/2015 16:24

I do volunteer work with the poi ice. Our local cells closed last year and our nearest custody suite is now around 30 miles away.

If we lock someone up for D&D, they have to stay in until they are sober. This can he several hours. We obviously don't sit there waiting, we leave them in and go back to our local area.

When they do sober up enough to be released, a patrol is then sent the 30 mikes to collect them and take them home Hmm I personally think this is huge waste of resources but apparently we have 'a duty of care'.

The only ones we DON'T give lifts to are those who threatened us or the custody staff with physical violence....

Florene · 07/10/2015 16:30

A few typos there, most obvious being miles, not Mikes.

Though Mikes are welcome to attend and give a lift home on our behalf if they so wish Grin

IceCreamBandit · 07/10/2015 16:38

The thing is, I wanted to offer a lift but felt i shouldn't. He was really very polite.

So was Ted Bundy.

I wouldn't have given him a lift either.

BatTeethKeith · 07/10/2015 17:12

UntiltheCowsComeHome Not much to tell really, I was about 18/19, I had a few drinks, left the local nightclub with some friends and walked home. It was about 2am.

We decided, drunkenly, that a sack race would be fun, so we raced up the road in our sacks except we didn't actually use sacks we used metal dustbins and somebody phoned the police and said we were causing a disturbance. Blush

UntilTheCowsComeHome · 07/10/2015 17:15

Keith that's brilliant Grin

HaydeeofMonteCristo · 07/10/2015 17:16

No. I wouldn't offer anyone I didn't know a left. Especially with a dc in the car.

partialderivative · 07/10/2015 17:27

But the bloke didn't even ask for a lift! Just directions, and yet so many posters are thinking ill of him.

I used to do a lot of hitch-hiking around the country, and probably looked a bit scruffy at times. If I noticed a female driver going past, I would immediately drop my hand/thumb as I did not want them to even consider whether they should offer me a lift.

I think he was doing something similar.

Of course the OP was nbu

ShebaShimmyShake · 07/10/2015 17:47

Don't care if he looked and sounded like a BBC newsreader, I'd never give a strange man a lift, especially if I had a child in the car.

Jux · 07/10/2015 18:05

A 15 mile walk in inadequate footwear may help him not drink that much again.

You've probably done him a favour.

partialderivative · 07/10/2015 18:41

You've probably done him a favour.

The only favour he asked was directions to the village.

He did not ask for a lift.

BrandNewAndImproved · 07/10/2015 18:44

My friend once gave a random man a lift, he pissed himself and she didn't realise until she had dropped him off and the car seat was soaked.

That's put me off for life from ever offering random men lifts.

partialderivative · 07/10/2015 18:56

That's put me off for life from ever offering random men lifts.

I would not have accepted (nor expected) a lift from a single woman.

Just don't do it! But don't make judgements on the blokes

(Obviously you can make a judgement on someone who pisses on your car seat)

TendonQueen · 07/10/2015 19:00

I agree that he was telling you his story to signal that he didn't expect you to offer a lift. He didn't ask. Was probably just glad you were polite and helpful. Hopefully he will sort himself out after this.

MadeMan · 07/10/2015 19:10

I wouldn't offer a stranger (male, female, animal) a lift and I wouldn't expect a lift from a stranger (male, female, animal) either.

partialderivative · 07/10/2015 19:22

I wouldn't offer a stranger (male, female, animal) a lift and I wouldn't expect a lift from a stranger (male, female, animal) either

The feelings are probably mutual. Grin

Joskar · 07/10/2015 19:27

I always give lifts. Gave a bloke a lift the other day and I had both bairns with me. It's not that big a deal. I don't think you ought to have though. It's your car and he didn't actually ask. I think your sister is being silly. Don't feel guilty.

HugoBear · 07/10/2015 19:37

Don't feel guilty about not giving him a lift.

The only way I would give a man a lift is if several people knew beforehand I was giving him a lift and knew where I was giving him a lift to.

Thefuckinggrinch · 07/10/2015 19:40

I wouldn't ever give anyone I don't know a lift. Ever.

cleaty · 07/10/2015 19:49

I wouldn't have given him a lift either. But DP and I happily pick up hitch hikers, although they are rare these days,