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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to do a joint birthday present for twins

114 replies

PogoBob · 06/10/2015 17:52

DD has been invited to the birthday party of twin boys from her class. The boys aren't part of her immediate circle of friends (so I don't really know them mum) but she likes them so wants to attend the party.

Money is tight at the moment plus we've 5 parties we need to buy for across the DCs this month. Would it be unreasonable to buy a joint present? I could ensure it was something large enough to be shared between them without either being short changed, but wonder if this would be unfair. Buying two smaller presents would actually work out more expensive.

As you can probably tell I have no experience of twins so don't know what is fair!!

OP posts:
multivac · 06/10/2015 20:03

Would you insist on sending a joint present if a party were being hosted by two kids of the same age, but from different families, moving?

Or would you send two presents (but inwardly seethe that the parents had sneakily got away with only really providing your dear child with one party (and party bag) instead of two)? Is that how your mind works?

Blimey.

A thoughtful gift - joint, separate, whatever - is fine.

A gift calculated on what the recipient is 'owed', relative to entertainment provided... just don't accept the invite in the first place, please.

Toobusytowee · 06/10/2015 20:04

I am a mum of twins and I would be fine with a joint present. The parents are paying for your one child to come to the party so one present can be bought. If twins are invited to a party they should each provide a present because two party places have been paid for.

I don't think you should be out of pocket for buying two presents. Maybe work out how much you would spend on one child and halve it. One nice present to be shared or two cheap presents.

Because the twins are not close to the OP I wouldn't expect decent presents anyway. Just get something cheap.

multivac · 06/10/2015 20:05

The parents are paying for your one child to come to the party so one present can be bought. If twins are invited to a party they should each provide a present because two party places have been paid for.

Why don't you all just do it by BACs?

arethereanyleftatall · 06/10/2015 20:06

I would get two small gifts.

But, as a side rant, a mum of twins in dds class, gives things as if they are one - ie one gift for dd if they both come to her party, same amount of cash as everyone puts in for their one child to various things. It should work both ways.

As you were.

MyballsareSandy · 06/10/2015 20:07

I just asked my teen twin DDs if they ever had a joint present at parties when they were younger (I can't remember!). They both said yes and they hated it.

arethereanyleftatall · 06/10/2015 20:07

Whoops, cross posts, should have rft.

canyou · 06/10/2015 20:08

Depends on the twins, I am a twin we got joint presents which were great board games etc that we would not have gotten if it was a gift per child.
My DC school do Euro 5 in a card no present for parties. I love it so much easier and all the DC get the same.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 06/10/2015 20:08

I don't think that would be very workable deadwitch because it is inconvenient. Which is exactly my point. People do things because they are convenient and expecting others to go to extra lengths seems a bit much when the hosts have already picked the most convenient way to host a party. If individualism was so important then yes, different parties on different days/same day or whatever. But of course it's not really so essential as to go to those lengths.

As it happens I do know a parent who has separate parties for her girl/boy twins because they want different things

Personally I would probably go for separate presents because we can afford it but equally if someone got a joint one I wouldn't think them rude or lacking in some way. It really does not matter if they get a joint present or singles. A gift is a gift and should be received in good grace.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 06/10/2015 20:14

Would you insist on sending a joint present if a party were being hosted by two kids of the same age, but from different families, moving?

Or would you send two presents (but inwardly seethe that the parents had sneakily got away with only really providing your dear child with one party (and party bag) instead of two)? Is that how your mind works?

Blimey.

Erm, no. Because that is not what I posted AT ALL.

What an astonishingly rude, stupid and inaccurate assumption to make Multivac Hmm

Forestdreams · 06/10/2015 20:19

I would go for 2 smaller gifts to be on the safe side.

However if all these twins hate sharing presents, it's a shame so many of them have to share parties. It seems a bit one sided of parents to throw them a joint party but expect everyone to bring separate gifts.

SmallLegsOrSmallEggs · 06/10/2015 20:20

A gift is a gift and should be received in good grace.

This. Exactly
despite what I said about dgm and matching clothes. That sounded more ungrateful than I meant. They and I still always appreciated the clothes. But only one dt wore any one outfit as they have different taste. But they never let on

And yes as a mother of dts I am well aware that when people invite both of them to parties they have had to invite 2 kids. I never expect to pay half each!

multivac · 06/10/2015 20:21

What you posted, moving, was that parents of twins who held joint parties were being hypocritical if they stated they would prefer their children to be treated as individuals when it came to gifts. I disagree.

Your second post clarified your position - i.e. don't whinge about what you're given, or expect a particular style/level of gift giving. Fair enough.

But because most posters weren't whinging about what they'd been given (and because this isn't an 'AIBU to be angry because my twins were given a joint birthday present'), I'm afraid your point, such as it is, whooshed. Especially as you also seem to think that two gifts must necessarily be twice as expensive as one.

Mea culpa.

multivac · 06/10/2015 20:24

I also think it would be interesting to cross reference this with an 'AIBU to buy my niece/friend's child/boss' grandson a joint Christmas/birthday present, given he was born on December 24th?' thread...

Wink
MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 06/10/2015 20:28

Actually you didn't disagree multivac you posted a shitty and inaccurate assumption that has no basis in what I posted.

You'd do better to just apologise instead of trying to justify your unnecessary rudeness but no, there's ANOTHER inaccurate assumption: "Especially as you also seem to think that two gifts must necessarily be twice as expensive as one."

Please stop putting words in my mouth (so to speak) because they are wrong and it's annoying.

multivac · 06/10/2015 20:35

You did say you would go for two gifts 'because you could afford it' - whilst a number of twin parents were saying that a couple of bags of sweets would be better - given that they'd been asked their children's preference - than one, say, board game.

However if all these twins hate sharing presents, it's a shame so many of them have to share parties. It seems a bit one sided of parents to throw them a joint party but expect everyone to bring separate gifts.

Mad, isn't it? It's just that a ridiculous number of twins are born on the same day ('birthday') as each other. And of those, a quite silly proportion tend to want both parents at their party. I guess truly thoughtful parents would hire childcare for twin A while twin B parties, and vice versa...

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 06/10/2015 20:40

Oh grow up. I was going to justify my point about the two gifts but then I thought why should I? I've posted eloquently enough. Just because mutlivac's got an over active imagination and not much on why is that my problem?

You keep going with your nasty, sarky posts if you want but I'm not going to rise to it any more.

multivac · 06/10/2015 20:43

Okeydoke, moving - I think we probably agree anyway, despite getting off on the wrong foot. Sorry, that's not going to soothe you at all, is it?

Smile
Moodyblue1 · 06/10/2015 20:45

I'd do two smaller presents. My nephews are twins and hated joint presents, they didn't particularly like each other and had completely different interests and different sets of friends. Some twins would love a joint present some not so much so if I wasn't sure I'd probably play safe and get separate.

AarghGrrAargh · 06/10/2015 20:48

I have twins. They are invited to a joint party (for non twins) should
I just get the hosts a joint gift? Of course not & my dts will take a gift each for each child. Get a small gift for each - it needn't be expensive.

Forestdreams · 06/10/2015 20:50

Multivac you're just being goady. But I can't respond without mirroring your sarcasm so I will just leave it.

kali110 · 06/10/2015 20:50

If it's a gift like a nice board game i don't see the problem. Nothing about not treating them as individuals.
I'd do the same if it were two siblings who were couple of years apart.

multivac · 06/10/2015 20:50

It would be "grabby" to complain about the number of gifts after a party, regardless of whether you are throwing it for twins, siblings, friends or a singleton. Grabby and weird (although people can be weird about party/gifts etiquette, I've realised).

It's not "grabby" to say, when directly asked what your twin children would prefer by way of a gift "one each, please - as cheap as you like; doesn't need to be half of what you'd spend on them as an individual even. But they would really appreciate something separate, as you've asked."

And "Really? But you can't even be arsed to throw them a party each!" is, imo, a bit of an odd response to that.

Princerocks · 06/10/2015 20:51

This has just descended into one pp badgering another pp when it was an interesting discussion.

honeysucklejasmine · 06/10/2015 20:54

As a twin, I would be really upset as we are not one person. And yes, we had separate parties, with our separate friends, doing separate activities.

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 06/10/2015 21:07

Yabu

Get two things from the pound shop and two cards.