To think the whole point of a Will is to leave your money to whoever you want

[wineoclockthanks]

But apparently that's not the case...

My Elderly Aunt is rewriting her Will and wants to leave everything to her DD2 and nothing to her eldest daughter who she hasn't been in contact with for nearly 30 years (not sure why, it's never discussed!).

I took her to a Solicitor who basically said she would strongly advise against leaving her D1 out because if the daughter contested it, it's highly likely she would win and the costs of such a case would come out of the Estate. She quoted a case where a daughter had been estranged for 42 years but contested and won a share of her late mother's estate.

My Aunt is really upset, it's not a huge amount of money, but she wanted it all to go to the daughter who has been there for her and basically looked after her for the past 20-odd years.

AIBU to be shocked by this?

Or where money and inheritance has been used as a weapon or means of control.

But a promise of inheritance can only be used as a means of control if the person being controlled allows the money to motivate them to act in ways which aren't in their own best interest. Sacrificing your happiness on the promise that you will in some way be repaid when the person making you unhappy dies seems like a sad, self destructive but ultimately cynical way to manage your relationships.

I think I know the thread you referred to, and the problem in that scenario was that the OP's husband had invested such a significant proportion of his life into a situation where he was basically waiting for his mother to die to get what was 'owed' to him that he had sacrificed his relationship with his wife and children in the process. It's hard not to see that as a poor choice on his part as well as poor behaviour on the part of his mother, who was largely able to exert that level of control because she held the purse strings.

As anyone should be aware, even a large inheritance can easily be eaten up by care costs when someone is older, so choosing to gamble your happiness on a potential future payout seems like a mercenary choice to me, and one which is always going to leave you compromised.

Dojo, you are assuming that everybody can afford to have principles and often that isn't the case. On that thread he had only ever worked for that business, had worked extremely hard for the company for a long time and had never worked anywhere else. If he left he would end up as a low paid farm hand with no prospects and lose all the things he had work he had done for decades.

These days with house prices often an inheritance is the only chance people have of getting on the housing ladder and avoid working into their late 70s or facing homelessness in old age and a life time of short term, insecure housing.

Especially when people have children that the money will make a huge difference to it's very hard to walk away.

It's not really about affording to have principles though - if the parent needs care then the money will be spent and there is nothing to show for that sacrifice whatever reasons it was made. It's still quite a chance to take even if there are good reasons to believe that an inheritance is the only way to realise your dreams as even the best-intentioned parent who would love to give their kids a leg up on the housing ladder might not be in a position to do it through their will when it actually comes to it.

The poster we both referred to was in an awful position with regard to work, but he had made the ultimate choice to take his chances with his investment into the business rather than the commitment he made to his wife and children when given the stark choice. I am sure it was an awful position for him to find himself in, not least because of the financial considerations in the short term but at least part of the OP's problem was that he had chosen the emotional coldness and distance of his mother, which came with the potential bonus of an inheritance, over her enduring love and support and that of his children, which made it that much more difficult to understand.

That's not to say that I don't agree that it is an incredibly difficult decision to make, and that the lure of a pay-out which could change your future isn't significant, but the power play involved in holding your will over somebody in order to get them to behave the way you want relies, on both the will-maker and the potential beneficiary colluding in the same game, at least to some extent.

They have been pestering the executor to ensure everything reaches the maximum value for them.

To be fair to the charity in question, mrsnec, that's what they are legally obliged to do. Some do it more sensitively than others, it's true, but that's what they all have to do.

If people have liquid assets and are going to do something controversial in their will, maybe they should give the money to the people they want it to go to before they die because I don't think that can be challenged especially if it's years before the person dies. Unless you're trying to avoid care home costs.

But people won't. I don't know what the point is of having money sitting in a bank account for when you die, when you could give the money to someone now.

Anotherusername1,

I have been reading this thread to get an idea of people's different views on inheritance as this is of particular relevance to my circumstances at the moment and I never intended to comment but....
I am concerned that you appear to have written a will for your father of which you are the sole beneficiary, and I think that there is a conflict of interest. You say you will share the inheritance with his D from his previous marriage but you may change your mind, circumstances may change in the future and if there was a challenge the fact that you had drawn up the will could cause serious difficulties for you with respect to the inheritance and your professional standards body.

Anotherusername1
I have read your post again and perhaps I have misinterpreted it, if so I apologise, you mention a basic will so perhaps you mean your father has used a standard will document (the ones you can buy from the stationers). I think you need to try to emphasise to him again that he needs independent legal advice as there are strict rules about solicitors advising family members.

It needs to be 7 years before the date of death for it to fall outside of the estate.

You need to seek proper legal advice and your aunt needs to find another solicitor.

I think people will become wiser over wills, 90 year olds today weren't brought up with the info available on the internet. Nor did they expect to be sitting on an asset worth 100,000s, their home.

Hopefully people will learn to make a clear will or give away their money well before hand.