I know, another BIL/SIL thread. This will probably be long, as it let's me vent!
my df very unwisely let slip to my brother the conditions of DF&DM's will (and he has acknowledged that he was extremely foolish to have done so). Now all hell has let loose as DB and SIL are "furious".
I have said to DB that, ultimately, our parents have the right to bequeath their assets in whatever way they see fit as far as I'm concerned. He wants me to "do something about it". I think the will is up to our parents, and I can see why my parents have done things this way. My inclination is to keep out of it.
The issue here is that due to my brother's problems, some still on-going, and both his and SIL's complete inability to manage money (it burns a hole in their pocket as soon as they get it, they are always in debt etc), my parents felt it would be best that his share be put into a trust. DB could draw money from this trust for certain things which would need approval of the trustees but will not have the money "cash in hand" so to speak. We will get equal shares. My share will not be held in trust.
This was done partly because my parents want to protect DB from himself and ensure that, if nothing else, the money is used (as far as they can ensure) wisely and to his benefit. As opposed to "pissed up the wall" or spent on rubbish/short-term "luxury" indulgence, which is what undoubtedly would happen (and has happened with DB's redundancy money in the past). Also, DM says she feels that she and DF have worked hard for what they have and don't want to see it wasted.
DB has a son and a step-son who is several years older. Our parents have left a reasonable sum to both my DD and the younger DN (to be held in trust for them until they are 21 years but can be accessed earlier for specified purposes, such as education). They have also left a (smaller) sum to DBs Step-son. SIL is very angry about this, but my parents feel he could/will inherit from both sets of his own grandparents so doesn't need a 3rd inheritance. They feel they are leaving an acknowledgement that he is a part of their family by bequeathing him something. I can see both sides of this, but come down on the side that he does have 2 other sets of grandparents to inherit from. SIL is angry as she says my parents are likely to leave far more than her parents or her ex-IL's and her son will be disadvantaged. DB/SIL are also still very angry about another inheritance (my grandmother)- long story and previous thread about this. Suffice to say DB did something very horrible to DGM, he did not apologise or acknowledge what he did was wrong and as a result was cut out of her will. I was not.
DB hurled a tirade at me on the phone yesterday. I asked him to stop, he didn't so I said I wasn't willing to discuss it any further with him until he could apologise and then act in a civilised manner and hung up. He rang back and did the same, so I did the same. He has now sent me a very angry email suggesting I "put them up to it". Which is ridiculous, as our parents are not a vulnerable, frail elderly couple who could be easily pressurised or bamboozled into changing their will- they are perfectly capable people. They have done this because they feel it's the right thing to do. I have known about the will for a while, but I have had no input into their decision. He also kept ranting on about how unfair it is that I have x, y, z and he and his family don't. The disparity between us is not due to inheritance- I earn more than he does (and had to work hard to get where I am), so I don't see it as unfair. It is not my fault that he has the job (and income) he has- that's down to him (and SIL).
Then today he emailed (no apology) to say they have some financial problems and could I please lend them money! He has requested a sum I could afford to lend. However, they have still to repay money I leant them a number of years ago (they promised to pay back in instalments and have not paid back a single penny). I have asked them about it in the past, but they get evasive or "did you really want it back?" (yes, that's why we discussed how much you could afford to pay back per month) or " but then DN's would suffer as we're so skint at the moment". TBH, I have written off that loan but made a note never to lend to them under any circumstances. Apparently, our parents have also declined to lend them any more money. SIL text me to say she couldn't believe we would let them down in this way, and leave them to struggle on and leave "the boys to go without".
My AIBU is that I think this really is the last straw. I am not going to lend them money and I have had enough of DB /SIL and their drama, trouble-making, scheming and manipulation. Their financial problems are not my responsibility and I hate the attempt at guilt-tripping me into giving them money by using their boys. I have as little contact as possible, but I just think now that the only times I want to see him and his wife are at family gatherings when I don't really have a choice. They bring nothing but aggravation to my life. AIBU?