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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

When a favour isn't actually a favour...

57 replies

Loopylala7 · 04/10/2015 22:01

When you have a routine, then someone steps in and 'kindly' offers to help, only the help is more of a hindrance, but the person is so adamant they are being helpful, you are almost forced to take up the offer...Wine

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 04/10/2015 22:03

What's your aibu?

pocketsized · 04/10/2015 22:05

Are you my DD? We've literally just had this conversation...

Original poster
Loopylala7 · 04/10/2015 22:05

Just venting really, but I was wondering if anyone else feels they have to accept unwanted help? Is that in itself unreasonable?

OP posts:
FarFromAnyRoad · 04/10/2015 22:06

Yes? And then what happens? Something or nothing? AYBU about what?

Original poster
Loopylala7 · 04/10/2015 22:06

Pocketsized I doubt I'm you're DD lol!

OP posts:
Senpai · 04/10/2015 22:07

I feel like this when my toddler "helps" me clean.

NormHonal · 04/10/2015 22:11

Yes, I know exactly the feeling you mean.

IME it's usually where I've done a favour for someone else, probably putting myself out in the process, and I have a friend who will INSIST on paying it back in the way and on the day and time that suits them, but not me.

Are we talking school runs, perchance, or MILs? Wine

NormHonal · 04/10/2015 22:12

"No good deed goes unpunished."

BathshebaDarkstone · 04/10/2015 22:16

No I generally tell them to fuck off, unless it's the DC, I just accept that it'll take longer and won't be done right. Grin

Jux · 04/10/2015 22:16

Yes! My MIL would do lots of things which were kind but an absolute PITA, and no matter how often I asked her not to she would continue to do them. It was horrible, especially as she would tell you what a wonderful thing she'd 3 or 4 times at least, and I would have to thank her each time, while trying to also say "No! Don't do it again. Ever." but nicely and kindly, with at least a little gratitude involved too.

Original poster
Loopylala7 · 04/10/2015 22:19

MIL offered to take DC one day a week, well actually insisted, so have removed them from nursery, only she is now listing which days she can't do so I can book my A/L Biscuit my boss is going to be thrilled.

OP posts:
RabbitSaysWoof · 04/10/2015 22:21

Oh I can think of a thousand examples. Have you tried shouting "leave me alone, I like doing my own shit without you" ?

RainbowFlutterby · 04/10/2015 22:21

Get your DH to use his A/L. His mother - his problem Grin

Only1scoop · 04/10/2015 22:23

Loopy I'd just keep the nursery place and say to Mil to just have DC for pleasure rather than childcare at mutually agreeable times.

Yabu by the way but I'd keep the nursery place.

Original poster
Loopylala7 · 04/10/2015 22:26

Thing is, it's easier for me to take A/l than DH. Tbh I don't mind having to take a/l but having young children I take a lot for sickness etc so am left with little anyway.

OP posts:
RabbitSaysWoof · 04/10/2015 22:27

This happened to me, at my childs nursery they can do a school day, pick up at 3ish or a full day for not much more money. Gm was insistent she would love to collect her dgs at 3 and I could get him from her after work it would be lovely for her blah blah blah...... except about every second week when she would text me at work about 3:45 asking if I was going to be long. Eerr yes I work until 5 the nursery closes at 7 they would never give out the guilt because I want to finish my working day ffs.

Original poster
Loopylala7 · 04/10/2015 22:27

Can't keep the nursery place without paying full fee as its a small nursery ??

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 04/10/2015 22:28

I'd pay the fee and keep the place.

Original poster
Loopylala7 · 04/10/2015 22:33

DH would never agree to that as would see it as a waste of money, plus we've already removed DC on the understanding MIL would be available

OP posts:
thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 04/10/2015 22:35

Iirc the MN terminology for this is a 'Glory Helper' Grin

Original poster
Loopylala7 · 04/10/2015 22:36

Wow, I love the glory helper phrase. Will be using that from now on!

OP posts:
Angelika321 · 04/10/2015 22:39

Ah yes I have a MIL who does exactly the same. Insists on having my kid then has other commitments which she can't cancel which means taking AL to cover.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 04/10/2015 22:39

MNisms are the best Wink Grin

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 04/10/2015 22:40

I would just pay the full fee and let her have the DC if she wants them. You'd be no worse off financially than if she had never offered, and you'll have a back-up available if she gets ill or changes her mind at short notice.

Jux · 04/10/2015 22:41

I'd pay the fee too. You know that your child will be looked after. You know that they will have him on the agreed days every time. You know that you will be able to work when you're supposed to, the hours you are contracted for.

If your MIL is farting about already, is she likely to get worse? (mY MIL did that too. There were many times when I'd get a phone call at 7.30 to say she couldn't do it that day - she only did one day a week anyway.